May 1, 2001
"I will lie down and sleep in peace
for you alone O Lord, Make me dwell in safety"
Psalm 4:8
The name of the Lord is a strong tower
the righteous run to it and are safe."
Proverbs 18:10
Today I'm fighting for a correct understanding of something in God's character and I know I'm not there yet. Yesterday I had an interesting occurrence in work... a stranger wandered in off the street, came up several floors through all the security mechanisms in our building, walked into my office and stole my laptop. Losing the computer is not a big deal in and of itself... it can be replaced. The entire activity seems to have stolen some sense of safety and since then I've been fighting to understand how exactly God keeps me safe/protects me... what does that mean. God never promised that harm will never happen and I wouldn't presume to ask for that... that is a result of God giving man freewill and I can accept that. When people sin, others are hurt... that's reality. Maybe I'm just frightened by the thought that I can't protect myself, I can't stop things from happening to me or in my life. I believe in the promise of Romans 8:28; that God will work good in situations in my life even when the circumstances themselves aren't good... but that doesn't keep me safe. I am aware that feeling unsafe and unprotected makes me want to find ways to provide that for myself and to run and hide, to not let myself be vulnerable but I know that is my sinful nature and I can't give in to it. At the moment I stand in some tormented place in the middle knowing I want to run away and be safe, knowing I can't because that doesn't work, looking to God to understand so I can feel safe and realizing I'm not there right now and I don't understand...