Be on the alert for these new computer viruses:
Lorena Bobbit Virus
- turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy
Woody Allen Virus
- bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
Tonya Harding Virus
- turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
Paul Revere Virus
- warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
- instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg
Ollie North Virus
- plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files
Joey Buttafuaco Virus
- only attacks minor files
Michael Jackson Virus
- preys on child processes
Ronald Reagan Virus
- saves your data, but forgets where it's stored
Jane Fonda Virus
- attacks your hard drive's FAT
Oprah Winfrey virus
- Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
AT&T Virus
- Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus
- Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Politically Correct Virus
- Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Ross Perot Virus
- Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
- Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back
Government Economist Virus
- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
Federal Beaurocrat Virus
- does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
Adam and Eve Virus
- Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer
Congressional Virus #1
- The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
Congressional Virus #2
- Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
Airline Virus
- You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
Freudian Virus
- Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive
PBS Virus
- Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
Jimmy Hoffa Virus
- Your programs can never be found again
LAPD Virus
- It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
O.J. Virus
- It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
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