What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of
chocolate on the pillow?
I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of
fecal matter.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is
not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT
about?
And which waiter are you tipping anyway? I think next time
I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the
food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various
important occasions, they're killing living creatures?
Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, let's make up. Have
this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be
reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we
have no idea what we are doing?
Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the
menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Why do they call it a "building"?
It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires?
Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate
on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you
kidding me?
No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just
what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that
when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches,
you are compelled to move up too?
Do we really think we are making progress toward our
destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I
am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish
baby cows? How did THAT happen?
Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till
them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry
detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out?
Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads?
All they talk about are cup holders, kiddy seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
