... Sagacious Sayings 5 ...

Habit takes the sting away from both joy and suffering.
Half the people you know are below average.
Hanging on to resentments is like letting someone you don’t like live rent-free inside your head.
Happiness is not given, it is exchanged.
Happiness is to spread happiness.
Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.
He who hesitates is probably right.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
Honesty is the best policy because there's less competition.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
I can explain it (whatever it is) for you, but I can't understand it for you.
I can please only one person per day ... today is not your day ... tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.
I considered atheism, but there were just too few holidays.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
I have seen the world when I have seen my self.
I intend to live forever -so far, so good.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If a person wishes that her dreams should become reality she would better wake up first.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck it is not exactly unreasonable to consider the working hypothesis that it might be some kind of waterbird of the family Anatidae.
If it's unlikely for something to go wrong, with some people it'll go wrong anyway.
If pigs could fly ... could you imagine the crap on people's windshields?
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, it'll be the one that causes the most damage.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book. COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.
If you can be happy about a little, you have a lot to be happy about.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you didn't want.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
If you stand under a bunch of roosting birds; you're going to have to bathe pretty soon.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
If you torture words enough, they confess to anything.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
If you want to change the world -start with your self.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will certainly go wrong.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
In sports, you have to ask yourself ... Is it really important to me who wins, or have I been conditioned to THINK it is important to me who wins ... there's a big difference between the actuality and the perception.
In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king.
Interesting Law: You can't fall off the floor.
IRS ... We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It does not matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
It doesn't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is always too early to give up.
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is better to look where you're going than to see where you've been.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant person in argument.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
It is not enough to aim right, one also got to pull the trigger.
It is not important how your situation is but how you take it ... another version: it is not how you are dealt the hand, but how you play it.
It is not the one who starts out with the biggest burst of speed, but the one who finishes first at the END of the race who wins it.
It is not what we read but what we remember, that make us knowledgeable, and it is what we understand, that makes us wise.
It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
It is only when one has awaken that one knows that one has been asleep.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
It is said that what the caterpillar calls the end of the world the gardener calls a butterfly.
It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Killing turkeys causes winter.
Know what you know, know what you do not know, know that you do not know everything you do not know.
Knowledge is good, experience is better, both is best.
Language is the mirror of the mind.
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought 'Where the hell is the ceiling?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Let face facts, shall we? There is a very real possibility that this could also be the last day of the rest of your life.
Let face facts, shall we? There is a very real possibility that this could also be the *last* day of the rest of your life.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier 'n putting it back in.
Life is a learning process. You don’t learn how to live; you learn how to die.
Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Life is what happens between plans.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
Live out of your imagination, not your history; because knowledge is limited whereas imagination encircles the world.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Losers let it happen. Winners make it happen.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love is not blind -It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Love, like a cough, cannot be hid.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Man is not the sum of what he is, but the totality of what he might be.
Many wise words are told as jokes, and I've heard stupid words are told seriously.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Maybe we all would become successful if we followed the advice we give to our friends.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow hips change places.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Much has been said about nothing -and often it has been expressed well.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never show your opponent your intentions.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never try to teach a pig too sing ... it make s you look foolish and, it annoys the hell out of the pig.
No one ever ruined her eyesight looking on the bright side of life.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
No rose without a thorn (in Italian: non è rosa senza spina.), in other words, every path has its puddle.
Non illegitimus carborundum ... "Don't let the bastards wear you down."
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Nothing is more harmful than a sad mind.
Nothing splendid has every been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances.
Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Once I had an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.
Opportunity and risk are measured by the same yardstick.

Sagacious Sayings 6
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