Russell Crowe, our Man of the Hour, our hero, has recently proven that he is indeed superhuman. With promotional obligations, awards dinners and ceremonies, concert appearances and charity events all converging on him at once, did he try to wriggle out of any of them just to make life easier for himself? Noooo! He took them all on and defied the limits of a 24-hour day to fit it all into his busy schedule. And just how did he do that? We knew you'd ask! Russarappa of the Crowe's Perch has a singular way of describing just how taxing our Russell's schedule has been! So sit back, relax ('cause he can't), and marvel at the feets feats of Mr. Crowe!

 

Feb 12 - TOFOG appears live in Melbourne, Australia, at the Allen Border Medal ceremonies

Feb 15 - Russell attends the Proof of Life premiere in Rome, Italy

Feb 19 - Russell attends the Proof of Life premieres in Madrid, Spain

Feb 21 - Russell attends the Proof of Life premiere in London, Leicester Square

Feb 23 - Russell attends the Proof of Life premieres in Sydney & Melbourne, Australia

Feb 25 - Russell attends the BAFTA Award ceremony in London

Feb 26 - TOFOG performs live in Milan, Italy

Feb 26 - TOFOG performs live at the Sanremo Music Festival, Sanremo, Italy

As you can see, The Crowe is not a easy man to track, but Russarappa managed to keep up with him long enough to see through The Man's eyes - and what a view!

Calm down and have a listen To Russarappa reminiscin' 'Bout the trials of Russell Crowe Who's never still, and on the go; Rappa tells it with a beat That has you bouncin' in your seat! Grab a beer and your next of kin And let the foot-tappin' rap begin:

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Russell's busy February began in Melbourne, Australia, where TOFOG (30 Odd Foot of Grunts) performed live at the Allan Border Medal Presentation.

Long Ride Rap
(get the beat goin)

Russell is ridin' on a big jet plane
Just sittin' still is drivin' him insane
Valentine's Day but he's high in the air
But the Ben and Jerry press ain't in his hair

Good news - bad booze
Gotta take off those shoes
Good views - no clues
Tryin' in vain to get a snooze

Food is rubber, musta come from a can
Is it Vegemite or is it spam?
Need some rest but the eyes won't close
Picturin' the flight attendant with no clothes
He can barely talk when he tries to make a call
Got a wad of Nicorette - size of a golf ball

Good news - bad booze
Gotta take off those shoes
Good views - no clues
Tryin' in vain to get a snooze

 

Russell attended the Proof of Life premiere in Rome on Feb 15th. Rome was the first stop for Russell during this brutal two-week trans-continental trek, which took him back and forth between Europe and Australia twice.

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	The Tourist in Spain Rap Pro-motion can be a chore Hotel rooms can really bore Ain't been to Madrid before Just wantin' to explore Yo! Go!! Bout the shoppin I confess Bought my mum a brand new dress Won't be a surprise I guess If she reads the foreign press Hunh! Hunh! Motor's goin putt putt Vibrates your insides (and) but In good cheer but it's clear Transmission needs another gear Vroom! Zoom!!
Russell appeared at the Proof of Life premiere on Feb 19th. During that event, there was a photo op outside in what looks like a garden; cleans up nice, don't he?

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Where dey go? Rap (Russell now he need his flannel, since he cross da English Channel) London's where the tabs were born Russ could really get forlorn So he go an gone out pissin Richard Harris he been missin Yo! Bro! But before he leave his dungeon Yeah, da hotel room in London Can you see yo Russ McMuffin Frantic goin through his stuff, then? Those? Hose? How could he go out on da street Without his hose, he incomplete But there they were, at last, replete Beneath those da#n Egyptian sheets. Mesh! meet Flesh!

A number of lovely Spanish Ladies of the Spanish Hordes were lucky enough to catch up with Russell in Madrid, where they spent 20 minutes talking to him, and gave him a gift of a stuffed cow. Hola, ladies, let us know when your feet are touching ground again!

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I Ain't No Duelin' Tenor Rap Now dat Russell be a restin' Soon dose vocal chords be testin' Jus mates and music - have a ball If on his ass Russell don fall Band. Stand. Russell's nerves dey make him pause Reckon he will get applause? Ain't no opera he be bringin Dem Italians know their singin Claps? Perhaps. (No lightin' cigarettes) Questions bout de Muffin Posse? They there case de Russ get saucy "What dey do to earn their tucker Is keep me off dose muther#u*kers" Press. No less.

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Too D#mn Tired Rap Exhaustion won - couldn't choose Minder watch me while I snooze When really tired I get in trouble Wooky eye make me see double Stead of seein 80 writers See hundred sixty of dem blighters So tired. Brain mired.

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Consolation Rap Another room, another town Acquaintances, not mates, abound Sometimes at night When it is quiet Darkness swirls - doubts at play And mates are oh so far away So far away. But I ain one fo stayin down Tonight I didn't get no crown They like the dancin - not the fights Would I have won if I'd worn tights? But I be glad de kid done won Things mean so much when you be young Sincere. Cheer.

 

The BAFTA Awards, Feb 25, 2001
Gladiator picked up 5 more awards, but Russell lost the Best Actor category to his new friend, the young up-and-comer from the UK, Jamie Bell ('Billy Elliot'). [BAFTA: British Academy of Film and Television Arts]

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WHO is Russarappa, you ask? In her own words:

(start the band's rhythm - a bit like Nowhere)

Gonna come out of the closet, gonna have some fun
Gonna have at it, if I fall on my bum
Easy to see where my name comes from
Wanna get the rhythm, wanna be a chum

I'm bad - I'm mean
I'm a russamutharappin machine
Yeah, I'm slick, gotta sheen
I'm a russamutharappin machine

Need a picture of me for your own mind's eye
I'm so ugly - make your doggie cry
I'm a blue eyed darlin with store bought teeth
Got wrinkles in places that oughta have beef

I'm bad - I'm mean
I'm a russamutharappin machine

I know what he looks like so no need to fru
Just get into my music start tappin your shoe

I'm bad - I'm mean
I'm a russamutharappin machine

Yeah, I'm slick, I gotta sheen
I'm a russamutharappin machine

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