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MENARCHE!!!!!!!!







      For those of you who don't know, menarche is a special time in the developmental period of young ladies. Since some of you haven't experienced Crestwood's lovely 10th grade health class, I think it will suffice to describe menarche as...the first time the flower blossoms, if you catch my drift.

















Due to her being offended, G.C.'s menarche has been removed. In fact, she would like that her name be totally removed from the site, so just pretend that you didn't see her initials.



Due to her being offended, Valery Danilack's menarche has been removed. Sorry Val. No Uterus Cake for you.








THE PROPER WAY TO CELEBRATE MENARCHE






     The proper menarche celebration should include, but it is not limited to, the following:

Games:

The proper host does their best to entertain their guest, and menarche festivities are no exception to the rules. In order to keep things running smooth, the host of a menarche party should have themed games, such as "Bobbing for Oocytes (apples or any other round red fruit may be used)" and "Ovarian Pictionary."

Decorum:

Red streamers, balloons...basically anything that's red. I need not explain why.

Food:

Traditional hors d'ouvres should be served, but all condements should be dyed red. And what party would be complete without a cake? The original design for the menarche cake consisted of a triangular, cherry or strawberry filled cake. The actual cake color would vary with the color of the person celebrating their menarche anniversary. The icing would be frizzy, coarse, and varying in color (a la pubic hair). This concept, however, fell through due to a unanimous decision that it was "disgusting," so a simpler design was chosen: that of a uterus, complete with cervix, blastocysts, the whole 9 yards. It would, of course, be a velvet cake to get the color just right.

Gifts:

We're celebrating the anniversary of a person's ascent into womanhood here, this is a special occasion. All gifts should have a menstrual theme to them. Gifts may consist of but are not limited to: action figures made out of tampons, vehicles made of pads, household cleaning sponges fashioned into a uterus-esque shape, complete with dilating cervix(that part might get complicated), and the ever popular "bag of discharge."*

*PLEASE NOTE

that "discharge" is not real discharge, but a ground up mixture of any variety of red berries, strawberry syrup, and red twizzlers to get that chunky uterine lining effect.







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