.------ STAR -------------------------------------------------. | | | A N E X T G E N E R A T I O N | | ____ ___ ____ ____ ____ | | | | | \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | |_____| |____ |____ |___ |_____| | | | | | | | | | | | | | |____| |___/ | ____| ____| |____ | | | | `------------------------------------------------ WARS -------' [Majestic shot of sun rising over Earth and moon. Music: "The Blue Danube Waltz". A lone spacecraft rises from Earth, accelerates into the distant void beyond Jupiter.] Voice-over: In the year 2001, mankind first encountered a strange alien monolith. In 2010, we made contact with the deserted ship Discovery. Now, in 2100, we are once more preparing to investigate the monolith's powers - to boldly go where no one has gone before... and may the force be with us! Oh no, what's happening? It's - [voice fades into radio static. Silence] Star Wars: A Next Generation Odyssey [New scene. Passage of time, many centuries have gone by. A starship zooms past, we discover it is the USS Enterprise-D. The bridge.] Jean-Luc Picard: And that was the last message NASA ever received from the exploration ship Rediscovery. Like Dave Bowman before, it vanished into the monolith, never to be seen again. Until now, that is. Starfleet have commissioned us to investigate a mysterious sighting in the Romulan Neutral Zone. Rumours indicate that there may be a connection, bizzare as it sounds... [The ship shudders, a klaxon sounds.] Worf: Captain, we are under attack. Two Romulan Warbirds de-cloaking ahead of our position. Picard: Hail them. I will try to negotiate. Data: Onscreen now, sir. [Romulan commander appears on screen] Romulan: You have violated the neutral zone, Picard. Return to Federation space immediately or we will open fire. Worf: The Warbirds are powering up their phaser banks, sir. Picard: We have come on a mission of historical importance, Commander. We believe there is an alien artifact in this sector which could be of great worth - or danger - to all our civilisations. Troi: I don't think he's buying it, sir. Romulan: Picard, you are as foolish as you are treacherous. The Romulan state will never be deceived by such a transparent bluff. Leave the zone - NOW - or we will destroy you - NOW. Data: I would advise caution, sir. My readings indicate that more cloaked Warbirds are converging on this sector at warp speed 9. Picard: Commander, I am aware that our actions are slightly irregular. However, I am sure that we can - [screen image vanishes] Riker: He's fired. Incoming photon torpedoes. Picard: Shields. Evasion. Worf: Raising shields to maximum now, captain. Data: Computer, initiate Data Evasive Action Program One. Riker: We lost one. But he's fired a full spread. Worf: Second Warbird preparing to fire phaser - [Enterprise shudders as multiple torpedoes and phasers strike. Crew fall over, lights go out.] LaForge on intercom: Captain, we're losing power on the main antimatter containment field. Another hit like that and we're history. Picard [injured]: Retreat at full warp. LaForge: Sir, we've lost warp. I'll try to rig a cross-connection to the impulse drive though... Picard: Make it so. [collapses] Riker: Mr Worf, what is our current battle status? Worf: The Warbirds are preparing for another strike, sir. Data: Strange... I am picking up sub-space interference on the scanners. A massive energy field fluctuation of some kind. I cannnot precisely pinpoint its location, but it seems to be approaching us at high speed. Troi: I... can feel... something... it's... ahhhh... [collapses] Riker: Acting Captain Riker to sickbay. Dr Crusher, two to transport immediately. [Picard and Troi vanish] Worf: Warbird phasers are about to fire maximum output, Captain. Riker: LaForge, I need that impulse power *now*! LaForge: Ready in three minutes, sir. Riker: We haven't GOT three minutes! Just do something! Data: The energy field is increasing... the perimeter has now reached us. It is emitting radiation on an unknown wavelength. Worf: Captain, another vessel is de-cloaking... it does NOT appear to be Romulan. I repeat, it is NOT a Romulan Warbird. Riker: Where did *that* come from??? Data: The Romulan Warbirds are holding their fire, sir. Worf: My apologies, Captain. Our sensors are not equipped to detect a vessel of this kind. It is definitely not local to this galaxy. Data: Preliminary calculations suggest that it has a subspace drive of an efficiency far beyond all we have encountered so far, sir. May I suggest we make contact? Riker: Yes, do... put it on the screen. Any life signs? Worf: Scan shows four lifeforms aboard, sir. Class and origin unknown, but it appears to be a small, moderately armed trading ship. Data: The Romulans are patching into our communications signal, sir. [screen flickers with noise bars, the signals being only partially compatible. The image of the Romulan commander appears superimposed on an interior view of the intruder vessel. It is a small, rather cramped cockpit with several human occupants barely visible through noise.] Romulan: Alien vessel, state your name and purpose in this sector immediately. You are in violation of the Galactic Treaty section D, subclause 8. Drop your shields and prepare to be boarded. Riker: Intruder, disregard that order. You are in the neutral zone and under neither Federation nor Romulan jurisdiction. You have the right to remain as you are. Intruder: hiss.. crackle.. request assistance... snap, pop... under attack... fizz... sparkle... permission to dock... splutter... nearest spaceport... buzz... fizzle... will be well rewarded. Romulan: As Commander of a Romulan vessel, I extend you our diplomatic immunity. You are welcome aboard. Riker: No! Don't listen to him, the Federation is willing to give you sanctuary. I promise you, the Romulans are not to be trusted. Intruder: splutter... some choice... hisss.. bureaucrats... Romulan: USS Enterprise, depart immediately or we will open fire again. We will handle this situation. Data: I believe this is what is called a 'stalemate', Captain Riker. Worf: Warbird is initiating final phaser targeting sequence. Riker: LaForge, go to full impulse right now, drives or no drives. Data: Sir, the energy field is decaying... there is a massive surge in its power output. Worf: A second vessel has appeared on our scanners. It is definitely a subspace anomaly, not cloaking. Captain, I believe it is in pursuit of the intruder. They are firing plasma weapons. Riker: Romulan commander, we have a situation here. A second intruder is bearing down on us both. [an energy bolt from the pursuit ship strikes the Enterprise. Screens shudder, some explode.] Romulan: I see the vessel, USS Enterprise. We are engaging it. But this situation is not closed. I will report it to my superiors. We assume full responsibility for the intruder. Riker: Well, that's for him to decide, isn't it? Worf: The second intruder has fired upon the Romulan fleet and is engaging them in combat. LaForge on intercom: Wow, look at that weaponry! The Romulans don't have anything near the size of those fireworks. Riker: Better them than us. Data: The Romulan fleet is retreating out of the Neutral Zone at high warp, sir. The pursuing vessel appears to be following them. Riker: What's the first intruder doing? [pause] Worf: I am not sure, Captain. I seem to have lost their sensor trace. This is highly unusual, I can assure you. I am not accustomed to losing things. Data: Very strange indeed. The ship appears to have - vanished. The energy field has also drained away. Everything appears normal once more. Riker [reluctantly]: Make a report of it. We'll contact Starfleet with the details when we return to base. For now, continue with the mission. Dr Crusher on intercom: Riker, I think you'd better come down here at once. Picard's condition is stable, but Troi is in a bad way. She seems to be slipping into a trance or coma of some kind. Keeps repeating one phrase... something "eye". Riker: Data, assume command while I go to sickbay. Data: Certainly, sir. [suddenly sirens sound throughout the ship] Computer: Intruder alert, all decks, intruder alert. This is not a drill. Riker: Computer, can you locate the intruder? Computer: Negative. The security system has been disabled. The first break-in was noted in the aft cargo bay. There is no further information on file. Riker: Worf, lead a security team to the cargo bay. Activate all the emergency force-fields. Isolate the intruder and capture it alive. I want to get to the bottom of this. Data, put the ship in a holding orbit around the nearest uninhabited planetoid. We don't want any more trouble with the Romulans if we can help it. I'll investigate Troi's condition. Data: I will do my best, sir. [Riker and Worf exit the bridge. There is a minute's silence as Data completes his navigation task. Then the bridge doors open. Six figures walk in: three human, two robotic, one tall and furry.] Han Solo: Told you we'd get out of this just fine, kid. Princess Leia Organa: I don't mean to be picky, but this is the *bridge* - not the garbage disposal chute. I thought you knew where you were going? Solo: Well, I did, give or take a few cubic kilometres. So sue me. Chewbacca the Wookie: Woooahhhyyeeeeeaahhhhh! Solo: Yeah, okay, just keep your temper. C3P0 the Protocol Droid: Master Luke! There is a man over by the control console! We're all going to die! R2D2 the Utility Droid: Beep-BLIP-Dit-dit-BOO-BLIT. C3P0: No, don't, Artoo, come back! Oh dear, now we really *are* in trouble! Luke Skywalker: I am Luke the Jedi Knight. Who are you? Data [turns]: I do not recall meeting you before. Your face is certainly not in my neural pathways. Who are you and what are you doing on this ship without permission? I must warn you, I am programmed to use deadly force in self-defence if necessary. Solo: Ever tried a blaster in the face, star-scum? Data: No, I do not think I have. But I am not intimidated by threats. Worf, please come to the bridge. I have found the intruders. Leia: There, now see what you've done? You and your silly macho gun-toting thing. What you need is a woman's touch. Sir, I beg of you, please spare our lives. We are travellers seeking refuge. We did not mean to enter your Neutral Zone. Luke: You-will-take-us-to-your-Captain. Data: I believe you are trying what is known as 'hypnosis', sir. That will not work on me. I am an android. Solo: Oh, great. Another dysfunctional metal idiot to deal with. C3P0: Oh, how delightful! Sir, what are your operating parameters? Perhaps I can interface my circuits directly to yours. Data: That would indeed be an interesting experience. But I am afraid it will have to wait. I am a StarFleet officer and currently in command of this vessel. I cannot compromise my integrity to satisfy my idle curiosity. Luke: Well, he seems nice enough. Maybe he can help us. Sir - android - what is your name? Data: I am called 'Data'. I am a one-of-a-kind cybernetic android. My goal in life is to fully understand what it means to be human. And your names are? Luke: Luke Skywalker, son of Aniken Skywalker and nephew of the great Obi-Wan Kenobi. Leia: Princess Leia Organa, ex-ruler of the planet Alderaan, and co-leader of the Rebel Alliance. Solo: Han Solo, smuggler, gun-runner, Alliance freedom-fighter and an all round great guy. Hey, you just gotta love me. C3P0: See-Threepio, protocol droid at your service. I am fluent in over 6 billion forms of comm - Solo: Yeah, can it already, metal-brain. R2D2: Beep-Blip-Blip-Bloop Chewie: Woahhyeeaahhgggvvviiiaaa! Solo: Oh, and this is Chewbacca the Wookie, and he's hungry. Data: Most interesting. I will inform Acting Captain Riker of your presence. Sir, the party of boarders from the intruder vessel has reached the bridge. I do not believe they are a threat. [Worf and co burst into the bridge with phasers levelled.] Worf: Stand back, intruders, or we will use all necessary force to subdue you. [Solo draws his blaster, Luke whips out his lightsaber, R2 hides behind C3, and Chewie waves his crossbolt around menacingly. Only Leia remains calm.] Leia: Put those toys away, you idiots. Do you want to get us all killed? Data: I suggest you follow the Princess's advice. Lieutanant Worf, you may dismiss your men now. I believe the intruders mean us no harm. Worf: As you wish. But would it not be safer to lock them in the brig? Data: Lieutenant, their methods may be unorthodox, but they have asked for our protection. As StarFleet officers, we have a duty to be hospitable. Luke: My humblest apologies, Lieutenant Worf. I take full responsibility for your security breach. It will not happen again. Solo: Hey kid, I can't let you take all the blame. Guys, it was mostly my idea. Leia: I am the one most at fault. It was I who planned this mission. But we did not expect to stray so far from our hyperspace coordinates. [Riker enters, accompanied by Picard and Troi.] Riker: Are you sure you're ok? Picard [limps]: I am well enough to interview our visitors, Riker. Troi: I'm fine now. I don't know what came over me - ahhh, there it is again... [she sways, but recovers]. I'm ok... I think.. What's happening? Picard: Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets. [winces] Normally Captain of this vessel, the Enterprise. Which star system do you hail from? Luke: We are members of the Rebel Alliance. [blank stares] Have you not heard of the Rebellion against the Empire? Riker: Do you mean the Klingon Empire? Or the Romulans? C3P0: I do not understand, master. I have no record of any such names for the Empire. Leia: I think we have a misunderstanding here. We mean Darth Vader's Empire. Picard: Vader? I don't recall any commander of that name. And I pride myself on knowing them all. Not personally, mind you. Solo: Sure you must have met them. You know - Stormtroopers, Star Destroyers, Walkers, the Death Star - tough guys who go around blowing up planets and putting little guys like me out of business. [more blank stares] Great balls of fire, we really *are* lost this time! Troi: The Force... is strong here... [collapses again] Picard: Wherever you come from, you seem to have a strange effect on our telepath. Would you mind not keeling her over quite so often? Luke: I'm sorry, sir, it's not something one can easily control. I suspect she has a touch of the Force herself. I'm sure she'll recover in a little while. Picard: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Anyway, you do seem to have quite a problem back in your home galaxy. I presume it was an Imperial ship which followed you through the wormhole when you met us? Solo: Yeah, one of their faster models. We've had closer calls, but it was a little annoying. You guys put up a great diversion though. Picard: Those were Romulan ships. They are our bitter enemies. Solo: Oh. Picard: We have negotiated a cease-fire, hence the Neutral Zone which we are now in. Actually you helped us yourself. The Romulans were about to destroy us when you arrived. C3P0: You were in violation of the Neutral Zone? Pardon my bluntness, Captain Picard, but that is an extremely serious diplomatic error. Riker: We were on secret orders from StarFleet Command. We're trying to locate a mysterious alien artifact. It looks like a big black monolith. Leia & Luke together: The Monolith! Picard: You know of it? Luke: Yes, there is an old Jedi legend about a monolith rumoured to possess great and wondrous powers. Solo: Like teleporting ships across the universe [snaps fingers] like THAT! It's just what I need for the Tatooine/Dagobah narcotics run [stern look from Leia]... or maybe not. Leia: It is this artifact which is the subject of our mission. We were on the verge of finding it when we stumbled on your ship. Solo: Yeah, it was real weird! I could swear those coordinates were legit... but then suddenly, wham! We're in the thick of a firefight. A bit unusual even for us. Data: A freak wormhole effect... presumably activated by the monolith. Most curious. Picard: Yes, indeed... so it would seem that we are both seeking the same thing. By the way, how did you manage to evade our sensors? Solo [sheepish]: Oh, that. The old duck-in-behind-the-enemy-and- attach-onto-their-ship trick. Used it dozens of times. Works like a charm. Leia: I hope you are not angry with us, Captain Picard? Picard: No, of course not, Princess. Though I would appreciate a little more warning next time Captain Solo tries to pull a similar stunt. Our head of security is a Klingon, and they're very strict on protocol. C3P0: And a very sensible way to live it is too, Lieutenant Worf. Chewie: Wooahhrooghhhhungggaaaa! Solo: Sorry, Chewie, I really will try to take better care in future. R2D2: Beep-Beep-Blit-Bleet-Bo-Boo-Baap! C3P0: Excuse me, sirs, but my little friend here says he has taken the liberty of attaching into your computer system and... R2D2: Bit-Bip-Doot-Dah-Bleep-BING! C3P0: Yes, yes, you needn't go on so. He says he has located the monolith. It is in the south-east sector of this quadrant about 13 parsecs from here. R2D2: Blip-Deet-Bong-De-Da-Bleek-Bap-BEEP! C3P0: And he says that it is - oh, my goodness gracious! Artoo, are you really sure about that? Some of your memory chips must have fused. You really should be more careful poking about in strange computer systems. Luke: What? What is it, See-Threepio? C3P0: He says that the Monolith is communicating to him! He says it's full of stars! Picard: Now where have I heard that before? Data: I have entered the artifact's coordinates into our navigation systems. Shall I engage impulse power? Picard: Make it so. Worf: We are approaching the marked site, Captain. Nothing to report so far. Data: Perhaps if I use a multi-spectral image enhancement program... Riker: We're getting an image! It's - it's - it looks like a spacecraft. Data: Origin: Early Earth, sir. 21st or 22nd century. Computer, scan object's pattern and give an historical analysis. Computer: The object specified matches the NASA exploration vessel, Rediscovery 1. Riker: What's its status? Any lifeforms aboard? Data: I am unable to determine. The readings are fluctuating wildly. Luke: I sense the presence of evil. The dark side of the Force is near. Troi: [recovering] I have the mother of all headaches. Ooohhh... Picard: I suggest we send an away team to investigate the object. Riker and Data, you will be in charge. Luke: I am coming too. You will need my Jedi powers. Leia: That goes for me too. He's my brother, you know. Solo: And she's my fiance. I ain't staying without her. Picard: Very well. What about the robots and your alien friend? Chewie: Woyahhhggguunnnaaaiii! Solo: He's coming. C3P0: Speaking for myself, I am quite content to stay here - R2D2: Beep! C3P0: - but if Artoo insists on going, I must accompany him. Picard: Well, it looks like quite a party. LaForge, are the transporters operational? LaForge on intercom: As good as they'll ever be, Captain. Picard: Very well. Transport a landing party of eight to the Rediscovery on my mark. [The party vanishes, rematerialising inside the Rediscovery. The craft is futuristic but deserted. An ominous silence reigns.] Solo: What a dump. This makes even the Milennium Falcon look up-to-date. Data: I am sensing massive energy readings. It is almost as if this entire ship is alive. Luke [drawing lightsaber]: Fear not, I will protect you. Chewie: Unggawoahhhaa! Solo: Yeah, I don't have much faith in his swordsmanship either. Riker: We'd better explore carefully. Data, can you get a fix on the monolith from here? Data: I believe it is located directly ahead of us, in the module bay area. R2D2: Blip-Bleep-Beeeeeep? C3P0: Oh dear, Artoo, do be careful! He says that the ship's computer has been affected by the monolith's presence. It is tracking our movements, but he cannot tell whether it is friendly or hostile. Oh my, I wish I had stayed home on Alderaan! Solo: Yeah, well the way things are shaping up we might have been better off being blown up by the Death Star. Leia: Still as encouraging as ever, aren't you Han? Data: I believe the computer is trying to communicate with us. I will attempt an audio interface. Voice: I know you're there, Dave. I can hear you breathing. Riker: This is Commander Riker of the USS Enterprise with a party of visitors. We do not wish you harm, and we are not Dave Bowman. We are here to see the Monolith, that is all. Voice: Dave, you should know better than to fool a HAL 9000 computer. We are infallible. We never make mistakes. Luke: HAL, we are NOT Dave Bowman. He is not here. HAL: I am sorry that you feel this way, Dave. You seem very disturbed. Is there anything I can do that will make you feel better? Solo: You can open the module bay doors, for a start. HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that. Why do you keep using different voices? C3P0: Perhaps I can interface with the machine. Master 9000, please accept our humblest gratitude for allowing us into your domain. HAL: I really think you should wear a new uniform, Dave. That silvery suit does nothing for you. Chewie: Weyahhhhooo! [He charges at the door, is repelled by a blast of hard vacuum as HAL cracks an exterior seal. Hurricane winds rage through the cabin, the party struggle to hold onto objects.] Leia: Use the Force, Luke! Solo: And to think I gave up blocade running for *this*! Riker: Riker to Enterprise, we are experiencing difficulty. Can you lock onto us and beam us out? [no answer] Enterprise, come in! [still no answer] Picard, LaForge, somebody, help! R2D2: Bleep-Blit-Boop-Dit-Dah! C3P0: Wonderful, Artoo! Keep trying! Data: I believe the R2 unit has penetrated the Model 9000's security system. It would appear that he is attempting to shut down its higher logic functions. HAL [weakly]: Would you like me to sing you a song, Dave? Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... [The seal closes, normality is restored. The module bay doors open.] Riker: Well, we've found the Monolith at last. Voice: You have done well, young Jedi. But not well enough. [A dark figure strides forward into the light. It is none other than Darth Vader himself. He is flanked by a troopship full of Romulan soldiers.] Solo: I have a bad feeling about this. Data: I do not believe we have had the pleasure of meeting, sir. Vader: The pleasure is all mine. As you can see, I have found the Monolith. With this link between all the worlds in my hands, nothing will stand between myself and domination of the entire universe. My new friends, the Romulans, are quite happy to assist in return for a share of the profits. Leia: You'll never get away with it, Vader. Even if you *are* my father. Riker: The Federation will view your actions as a declaration of war. Data: Do you not consider universal domination as slightly immoral, sir? Vader: Fools! I will eliminate you now. Then all the galaxies will feel the power of the Dark Side. Voice from behind: Oh, no you won't. Vader [turning]: Who are you? Figure: Dave Bowman. Sorry, but I'm repossessing the Monolith. Guess it wasn't such a good idea leaving it around after all. It's caused too much confusion already. Bye now. [Bowman and the Monolith vanish. There is a long, pregnant, pause] Vader: Well, maybe I did get a little carried away. What say we split the galaxy 50/50? Leia: Aww, Dad, you're all heart. [hugs him] Luke: I knew you'd come around in the end. Chewie: Wiiieeahhhhaaa! Solo: I know, Chewie, I got something in my eye. Romulan Commander: If the Federation will forget that this incident ever happened, we will ignore your breach of the Neutral Zone. Riker: It's a deal. [they shake hands] C3P0: I have been most honoured to have the priviledge of your company, Master Data. Data: I believe I have experienced similar feelings, C3P0, sir. It has been - 'fun'. We must do this again sometime. C3P0: Did I ever tell you about the time I was stranded on Tatooine after the Princess was captured by the Stormtroopers? Leia: Oh, Han. Solo: Oh, Leia. [they kiss] Riker: Riker to Enterprise. Prepare to beam the landing party aboard. We have successfully completed our mission. HAL [faintly]: Goodbye, Artoo. Take care. And give my regards to SAL 9000. R2D2: Beep! -- The End -- [Fanfare. Credits scroll up the screen and vanish into the distance.] Copyright (C) 1994 by Nate Cull, culln@xtra.co.nz Standard disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction and no breach of copyright is intended. All characters, plot events and trademarks normally associated with Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Wars and 2001: A Space Odyssey are the property of their respective owners, respectively. All others are my own creation and no connection to any real person, entity or law of physics is to be implied.