Recently, there's been reports of people spotting "Nessie" in Lake Ontario. It's been taken differently by different people, some think there's a possibility, others think it's crazy. Personally, I think it is possible.
Anyone who lives in Ontario, knows the condition of Lake Ontario. And those who don't live in the area, can imagine what it looks like judging by the fact that the body of water is surrounded by the major city of Toronto to the north, and Hamilton, or "Steel Town" as it is commonly known as, to the south. Over the decades, we're dumped a whole bunch of crap into the lake, from empty beer cans to toxic chemicals. So what happens when empty beer cans, toxic chemicals of marine life are thrown together? They produce the Lochness Monster!
And my theory begins:
Okay so we've got all this shit at the bottom of the lake. One day a nice little sea snake is swimming along as usual, and comes across a whole bunch of garbage (empty beer cans, toxic chemicals, the bag of crack you tried to flush down the toilet before the pigs got you). So our friend the sea snake takes a bite out of all this crap, and thinks it tastes okay (okay, our poor little friend has a taste bud deficiency problem) so he keeps eating till he's full. For the next couple of days, our nice little sea snake makes his merry little way over to the pile of crap for meals. And like everyone else, the crap he was eating kinda caught up to him. When our friend the sea snake was almost done his pile of shit, he changed very drastically, he grew to about 100 times his normal size, became a little more scaley, and developed a lovely Scottish accent. And lo and behold, our little friend the sea snake has turned into Nessie! Pair that up with the damned bag pipes of Mr. McGregor, which his wife threw into the lake 'cause she couldn't stand to hear them anymore, and the kilt of the Catholic school student who decided to end her life by jumping of the Burlington Bridge, and it's no wonder there's been all these reports of "Nessie spottings".
So our poor little sea snake is now Nessie, not like he can complain about it or anything. I mean he's been in every news paper and probably even on television a couple times. And he'll be part of a new comic strip written and illustrated by Sabrina Alberghetti entitled "the Adventures of Ro and Nessie". The story line is based on me and my pet "Nessie" and our adventure of getting pissed drunk. Oh yeah, this requires a warped sense of humour.