22
CAN YOU LIVE A RAINBOW?

*** NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN IN A MUCH DIFFERENT VOICE AND TONE.
HOWEVER, I BELIEVE IT NEEDS TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS BOOK BECAUSE IT
GIVES THE READER AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE BEGINNINGS OF MY
SPIRITUAL JOURNEY AND HAS A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE OF ITS OWN.

      A NON-ADDICT IS A PERSON WHO IS NOT ADDICTED TO DRUGS AND
DOES NOT SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION.  A USING ADDICT IS A
PERSON ADDICTED TO DRUGS AND SUFFERS FROM THE DISEASE OF
ADDICTION.  I AM OFFERING THESE CURSORY DEFINITIONS TO GIVE SOME
EARLY CLARITY TO THIS PAPER.  NON-ADDICTS CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A USING ADDICT.  THANK GOD!  HOWEVER, I WOULD
LIKE TO OFFER THIS ANALOGY TO FURTHER ILLUSTRATE THE DIFFERENCE. 
LET'S SAY USING ADDICTS CAN SEE NORMALLY, EXCEPT THEY CAN'T SEE A
RAINBOW.   NON-ADDICTS CAN SEE EVERYTHING INCLUDING A RAINBOW. 
HOW CAN USING ADDICTS EVER UNDERSTAND WHAT A RAINBOW LOOKS
LIKE?  NO MATTER WHAT A NON-ADDICT TELLS THEM ABOUT A RAINBOW, 
EXPLAINS TO THEM ABOUT WHAT A RAINBOW LOOKS LIKE, OR TEACHES THEM
HOW THEY FORM, USING ADDICTS CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT
NON-ADDICTS SEE.  THE USING ADDICTS ARE NOT EVEN SURE THEY CAN
EVEN BELIEVE THE  NON-ADDICTS, THAT A RAINBOW EXISTS.  A RECOVERING
ADDICT IS A PERSON WHO IS NO LONGER ADDICTED TO DRUGS AND  STILL
SUFFERS FROM THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION.   ONCE THEY BECOME
RECOVERING ADDICTS, THEY CAN BEGIN TO SEE A RAINBOW, FOR SOME
REASON ONLY GOD KNOWS. RECOVERING ADDICTS CAN BELIEVE AND
UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A RAINBOW, WITHIN THEIR SIGHT.  BECAUSE
THIS HAPPENS, RECOVERING ADDICTS CAN EXPLAIN IN ADDICT WORDS AND
CONCEPTS, TO NEWCOMERS TO RECOVERY, HOW A RAINBOW CAN BE.  A
NEWCOMER TO RECOVERY IS A PERSON WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE
CURRENTLY ADDICTED TO DRUGS AND SUFFERS FROM THE DISEASE OF
ADDICTION, BUT HAS A DESIRE TO STOP USING.  RECOVERING ADDICTS
TEACH THEM TO SEE A RAINBOW AND FINALLY HOW TO LIVE A RAINBOW. 
LIVING A RAINBOW IS LIVING CLEAN WITHOUT USING DRUGS,  WHEN AND
WHERE YOUR FEET ARE AT,  ON LIFE'S TERMS, AND  BY THE GRACE OF GOD. 
RAINBOWS SYMBOLIZE HONESTY, OPEN-MINDEDNESS, WILLINGNESS, AND
THAT AN ADDICT, ANY ADDICT, CAN STOP USING, LOSE THE DESIRE TO USE,
AND FIND A NEW WAY OF LIFE.       THIS IS A NEW WAY OF LIFE!
     I USED THIS RAINBOW ANALOGY AS AN INTRODUCTION TO INTRODUCE
THE IDEA THAT USING ADDICTS THINK VERY STRANGELY COMPARED TO
NON-ADDICTS AND THAT IT TAKES A RECOVERING ADDICT TO REALLY EXPLAIN
WHAT LIFE'S ABOUT TO A NEWCOMER TO RECOVERY.  NEWCOMERS TO
RECOVERY DON'T REALLY BELIEVE NON-ADDICTS WHEN IT COMES TO HOW
TO LIVE LIFE, BECAUSE THEIR LIVES SEEM SO STRANGE TO A USING ADDICT
OR A NEWCOMER TO RECOVERY.  HOW OR WHY THIS RECOVERY PROCESS
WORKS IS BEYOND ME.  I ONLY KNOW THAT IT WORKS!  
     THERE ARE THREE THEMES OR IDEAS I WANT YOU TO WATCH FOR IN
THE ATTACHED PROCESS PAPER: THE IDEA THAT HONESTY,
OPEN-MINDEDNESS, AND WILLINGNESS ARE INDISPENSABLE SPIRITUAL
PRINCIPLES IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS; THAT THE NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS
MESSAGE,  AN ADDICT, ANY ADDICT CAN STOP USING, AND FIND A NEW WAY
OF LIFE,  IS THE KEY THAT OPENS THE LOCK TO HOPE FOR RECOVERY;  THAT
LEARNING TO LIVE CLEAN, WITHOUT USING DRUGS, WHEN AND WHERE YOUR
FEET ARE AT, ON LIFE'S TERMS, AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD, IS A MIRACLE. 

THE PROCESS OF HOW AN ADDICT FINDS RECOVERY

     THIS IS THE PROCESS WHICH MOST USING ADDICTS FIND THEMSELVES
IN AT THEIR BOTTOM.  HOPEFULLY, HOW THEY GET INTO RECOVERY, AND
WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM IN THE BEGINNING OF THEIR RECOVERY. 
RECOVERY IS A PROCESS NOT AN EVENT. THIS WILL BE A GENERAL
DESCRIPTION OF THAT PROCESS; NO NAMES WILL BE USED TO PROTECT
ANONYMITY. THIS PROCESS PAPER IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF PROCESS
PAPERS ABOUT ADDICTION AND HOW ADDICTS RECOVER FROM THE DISEASE
OF ADDICTION. HOPEFULLY, THIS SERIES WILL EVENTUALLY BE PUBLISHED, AS
A COLLECTION.   THE BASIC TEXT OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS STATES,
"RECOVERY IS AN ACTIVE CHANGE OF OUR IDEAS AND ATTITUDES."
     FIRST, LET ME DESCRIBE ADDICTION AS IT IS UNDERSTOOD BY THE
RECOVERING COMMUNITY.  ON PAGE TWENTY, IN THE FIFTH EDITION OF  THE
BASIC TEXT OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS  IT STATES,  "THE DISEASE OF
ADDICTION IS A, PHYSICAL (COMPULSION), MENTAL (OBSESSION), AND
SPIRITUAL (SELF-CENTERED)  DISEASE THAT AFFECTS EVERY AREA OF OUR
LIVES. . . .  THE  PHYSICAL ASPECT OF OUR DISEASE IS THE COMPULSIVE USE
OF DRUGS; THE INABILITY TO STOP USING ONCE WE HAVE STARTED. . . .  THE
MENTAL ASPECT OF OUR DISEASE IS THE OBSESSION OR OVERPOWERING
DESIRE TO USE, EVEN WHEN WE ARE DESTROYING OUR LIVES. . . .  THE
SPIRITUAL PART OF OUR DISEASE IS OUR TOTAL SELF CENTEREDNESS. . . . 
OUR DISEASE IS PROGRESSIVE, INCURABLE AND FATAL."  ELSEWHERE THE
BOOK ALSO STATES THAT, "ONLY IN DESPERATION DO WE SEEK HELP FROM
EACH OTHER IN NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS." 
     I HAVE HEARD SOME REALLY INTERESTING IDEAS THAT TRY TO
EXPRESS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ADDICTS, SUCH AS; AN ADDICT IS AN
EGOMANIAC WITH AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX.  ALSO, AN ADDICT IS BORN
EXTRA SENSITIVE TO THEIR FEELINGS AND ARE OVERWHELMED BY A
SEEMINGLY UNCARING WORLD.  THEY START USING DRUGS TO COMPENSATE
FOR THEIR OVERWHELMING FEELINGS OF PAIN AND SADNESS, THEY
OVERCOMPENSATE BY USING DRUGS TILL THEY BECOME EVEN MORE
UNCARING, THAN THE WORLD SEEMED WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG.  WHEN
THEY STOP USING, THEY HAVE TO RELEARN HOW TO LIVE LIFE AND DEAL
WITH THEIR FEELINGS; THIS IS CALLED RECOVERY.  ADDICTS ARE ALSO VERY
CHAMELEON LIKE: TO ILLUSTRATE THIS, I HAVE HEARD ONE ADDICT SAY, "I AM
NOT WHAT I THINK I AM, I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK I AM, I AM WHAT I THINK
YOU THINK I AM.   ADDICTS CAN BE, OR DO, OR SAY ANYTHING, THEY THINK
THAT WILL MAKE THEM ACCEPTED BY, OR BLEND IN WITH, THE GROUP THEY
ARE WITH, BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO SELF WORTH TO THEMSELVES.  THEY
ARE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, IN THEIR OWN MINDS.
     IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THEY HAVE A CULTURE. CULTURE
CAN BE DEFINED AS THE WAY A GROUP: CELEBRATES SPECIAL DAYS, OR
DRESS, OR LIVES, WHAT FOOD THEY EAT, OR SHARED HABITS, OR OTHER
COMMONALITIES SUCH AS LANGUAGE, ESPECIALLY CURSE WORDS.  FROM
THESE DEFINITIONS IT IS EASY TO SEE HOW ADDICTS HAVE A CULTURE OF
THEIR OWN.  
     THERE ARE MANY OTHER WAYS TO PROVE THE IDEA THAT ADDICTS
HAVE THEIR OWN CULTURE.  I HEARD ONE SAY, "I ONLY PARTY ON DAYS THAT
END IN Y OR THEY USE THE "ALL HOLIDAYS CALENDER," SO THAT EVERY DAY
IS A HOLIDAY, SOMEWHERE TO SOMEONE AND THEY CELEBRATE IT.  ADDICTS
ALSO SEEM TO HAVE LOST ALL THEIR SOCIAL GRACES AND SOME EVEN LIVE
AT AN ALMOST ANIMAL LEVEL.  DISCUSSING FOOD, I HAVE HEARD IT SAID
THERE ARE ONLY FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS: SUCROSE, CAFFEINE,
NICOTINE, AND ALL OTHER JUNK FOODS.  ADDICTS HAVE THEIR OWN WAY OF
DRESSING AND CAN RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER EVEN IN A STRANGE TOWN.
CURSE WORDS ARE WORDS, WHICH HAVE A NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL VALUE.  
ADDICTS DO NOT RESPOND TO REGULAR SOCIETIES CURSE WORDS, THEY
HAVE NO NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL VALUE TO ADDICTS, THEY ARE JUST WORDS.  
I BELIEVE ADDICTS HAVE THEIR OWN CURSE WORDS, SUCH AS:  NO, WAIT,
WORK, RESPONSIBILITY, COMMITMENT, GET A JOB,  GET A HAIR CUT.  THESE
WORDS OR PHRASES WILL MAKE AN ADDICT MAD, RIGHT OFF THE BAT.  AS
FAR AS SHARED HABITS, WELL THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.  I THINK YOU
GET MY POINT.
     ADDICTS HAVE MASKS AND WALLS THAT SEEM TO BE IMPENETRABLE,
BUILT FROM FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL HURT THEM.  THEY MUST KEEP
EVERYONE OUT OR THEY WILL NOT BE SAFE.  ADDICTS KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT BOUNDARIES BECAUSE THEY ALLOW NO ONE IN. 
     CO-DEPENDENT INDIVIDUALS HAVE WALLS THAT SEEM HEALTHY BUT
THEY HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING ABOUT BOUNDARIES.  THEY ALLOW ADDICTS
ACCESS TO THE MOST VULNERABLE PARTS OF THEMSELVES.  THEY THINK
THAT IF THEY ALLOW THE ADDICT IN, THEY CAN CHANGE THE ADDICT INTO A
HEALTHY PERSON.  THIS IS NOT SO!  NO ONE, CAN CHANGE ANYONE.  AT
BEST, A PERSON CAN BE THERE FOR ANOTHER IF THE OTHER ONE WANTS
HELP BUT THE OTHER PERSON MUST DO THE CHANGES HIMSELF/HERSELF
AND WITH THE HELP OF GOD.  NO ONE CAN MAKE ANOTHER PERSON CHANGE.
     THE ADDICT WILL TRY THROUGH CONTROL AND MANIPULATION TO USE
THE CO-DEPENDENT TO GET HIS/HER NEEDS MET.  THE CO-DEPENDENT WILL
TRY TO CONTROL AND MANIPULATE THE ADDICT THROUGH ATTEMPTS AT
REJECTION TO MAKE THE ADDICT DO AS THEY WISH.  THE LAST THING
ADDICTS WANT IS REJECTION, BECAUSE THEY HAVE THIS TREMENDOUS NEED
TO BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED BY SOMEONE, OTHERWISE THEY MUST LIVE
THEIR LIVES IN COMPLETE ISOLATION FROM THE WORLD.  THE LAST THING 
CO-DEPENDENTS WANT IS TO FAIL TO RESCUE THE ADDICT.  
CO-DEPENDENTS HAVE A TREMENDOUS NEED TO FIX OTHERS BECAUSE THEY
FEEL THAT THEY CAN'T FIX THEMSELVES.  ADDICT AND CO-DEPENDENTS ARE
TRAPPED IN A VICIOUS CYCLE TRYING TO CONTROL ONE ANOTHER.
     WHEN USING ADDICTS HIT A BOTTOM,  IT IS A VERY TRAUMATIC EVENT FOR
THEM AND FOR OTHERS AROUND THEM.   DO NOT  GET CAUGHT UP IN THEIR
DRAMA, THEY WILL SUCK YOU IN IF THEY CAN.  THEY WILL PLEAD AND BEG
FOR YOU TO SAVE THEM.   DON'T TRY IT.   THEY NEED TO FACE THE NATURAL
CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS.  NEVER PROTECT USING ADDICTS FROM
THEIR BOTTOM BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY BE A WORSE BOTTOM NEXT TIME. 
THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME, IF YOU PROTECT THEM FROM THIS ONE.   THIS IS
CALLED TOUGH LOVE.   IT IS VERY HARD TO DO, BUT IT MAY SAVE THE USING
ADDICT'S LIFE.
     A BOTTOM CAN BE AN EMOTIONAL,  MENTAL,  PHYSICAL, OR SPIRITUAL
BOTTOM, USUALLY MORE THAN  ONE OF THESE AREAS IS INVOLVED. 
SOMETIMES, ALL OF THEM ARE HIT AT THE SAME TIME.   THESE BOTTOMS ARE
JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE DESCRIPTION OF THEIR PROBLEMS.  THEY
USUALLY ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THEIR  FINANCES, RELATIONSHIPS,
HEALTH, EMPLOYMENT, HOUSING, THE LEGAL SYSTEM, AND ALMOST EVERY
OTHER AREA OF LIFE THAT YOU IMAGINE.   NEEDLESS TO SAY, THEIR LIVES
ARE A MESS.  THEY ARE FEELING VERY HELPLESS, HOPELESS, WORTHLESS,
USELESS, LOST, ALONE, UNLOVED, UNLOVABLE, AND LOWER THAN WHALE
SHIT  WITH NOWHERE TO GO.  IF SOMEBODY CAN IDENTIFY WITH THIS, THEY
ARE PROBABLY AN ADDICT WHO HAS HIT A BOTTOM. 
     THERE ARE HIGH BOTTOMS, LOW BOTTOMS AND EVERYTHING IN
BETWEEN.  A HIGH BOTTOM IS ONE WHICH IS HIT USALLY WITHOUT ANY
VISABLE EXTERNAL SIGNS.  IT IS A EMOTIONAL AND OR SPIRITUAL BOTTOM. 
NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF BOTTOM IS HIT, USALLY THEY ALL FEEL THE SAME
WAY,  THAT LIFE IS NOT WORKING AND THAT THE DRUGS ARE NOT WORKING
EITHER.  YOUNG OR OLD, RICH OR POOR, ALL ADDICTS EVENTUALLY HIT A
BOTTOM.  UNFORTUNATLY,  SOME DIE BEFORE THEY FIND RECOVERY.  ONLY 
AN ADDICT CAN DECEID IF THE BOTTOM THEY HAVE HIT IS LOW ENOUGH FOR
THEM AND ONLY IF THEY HAVE A CHOICE.  THAT IS WHY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR
THE TWELVE STEP FELLOWSHIPS SUCH AS NA OR AA TO GET THEIR MESSAGE
OUT TO THE PUBLIC.  SO THAT AN ADDICT WHO MIGHT BE READY TO CHANGE,
CAN HAVE A CHOICE.   IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE THAT SOUNDS LIKE THIS TELL,
THEM TO GO TO NA OR AA.  THE PHONE NUMBERS ARE IN THE PHONE BOOKS
IN ALMOST EVERY CITY AND TOWN IN THE USA AND HOPEFULLY SOON
AROUND THE WORLD.  IF THE PHONE NUMBER IS NOT IN YOU LOCAL PHONE
BOOK, TRY THE NEXT BIGGER TOWN OR CALL 1-800-555-1212 THIS THE  800
INFORMATION NUMBER GIVE THEM YOUR AREA CODE.
     THEN, SOMEONE TELLS THEM TO GO TO A MEETING.  HOPEFULLY, THIS
IS WHEN THEY UNCONSCIOUSLY PRACTICE THE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE OF
WILLINGNESS. HOPEFULLY, THEY BECOME WILLING TO DO SOMETHING
DIFFERENT AND BEGIN THE RECOVERY  PROCESS.  IF THEY DO NOT, THEY
WILL GO ON USING TO THE BITTER ENDS: JAILS, INSTITUTIONS, DERELICTION,
AND DEATH.  HOWEVER, HOPEFULLY, THEY GO TO A MEETING.
     THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A MEETING IS OR WHAT IS GOING TO
HAPPEN TO THEM; BUT, THEY GO ANYWAY, BECAUSE IT SEEMS THERE IS
NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.  SOME GO BECAUSE A DOCTOR, LAWYER, JUDGE,
PROBATION OFFICER, PAROLE OFFICER, POLICE OFFICER, COUNSELOR,
PRIEST, FRIEND, EX-SPOUSE OR SOON TO BE EX-SPOUSE, NEIGHBOR,  FAMILY
MEMBER, RECOVERING PERSON, DETOX OR REHAB TOLD THEM WHERE TO
GO.   ANYONE AND EVERYONE HAS TOLD THEM WHERE TO GO.  EVERYONE
WANTS TO TELL THEM WHERE TO GO, BECAUSE, THEY DO NOT WANT THEM
AROUND!
     THE MESSAGE OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS IS "AN ADDICT, ANY ADDICT,
CAN STOP USING, LOSE THE DESIRE TO USE AND FIND A NEW WAY OF LIFE."   
THE PRIMARY PURPOSE OF EVERY NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS GROUP IS TO
CARRY THAT MESSAGE.  AFTER THEY COME TO A FEW MEETINGS, THEY BEGIN
TO RECOGNIZE THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WHERE THEY ARE AND HAVE
FOUND A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM THAT THEY ONLY RECENTLY HAVE
NOTICED.  THIS GIVES THEM HOPE, USUALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS. 
THEY ALSO REALIZE THEY TOO CAN  BE A PART OF SOMETHING POSITIVE, 
MAYBE, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN THEIR LIVES. 
     ON PAGE FIFTEEN, OF THE BASIC TEXT OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS IT
STATES:  
     "WE FACED THESE THREE DISTURBING REALIZATIONS:
          1. WE ARE POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTION AND ARE LIVES             ARE UNMANAGEABLE.
          2. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR DISEASE HOWEVER, WE     
               ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR RECOVERY.
          3. WE CAN NO LONGER BLAME PEOPLE , PLACES, OR THINGS FOR   
               OUR DISEASE.  WE MUST FACE OUR PROBLEMS AND                 RECOVER."

     THIS INFORMATION IS USUALLY POINTED OUT BY ANOTHER
RECOVERING ADDICT OR BY THE NEWCOMERS SPONSOR, WHO MUST GET
THE NEWCOMER TO RECOVERY TO UNDERSTAND THAT THESE THREE
DISTURBING REALIZATIONS ARE TRUE.  WHAT THE IMPLICATIONS OF THESE
STATEMENTS ARE, AND HOW THEY AS NEWCOMERS CAN APPLY THIS
INFORMATION.
     HOPEFULLY, THEY CONTINUE THE RECOVERY PROCESS.  THIS IS
WHERE THEY GET TO PRACTICE THE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE OF HONESTY.   IF
THEY GET HONEST AND ADMIT THEY ARE AN ADDICT AND HAVE A PROBLEM, 
THEN THEY GET PHONE NUMBERS OF OTHER RECOVERING PERSONS AT THE
MEETINGS AND START CALLING THEM, MAKING NEW CLEAN FRIENDS.   THEY
GET A SPONSOR,  BUY A BASIC TEXT, GO TO MEETINGS, PRAY,  AND START
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE CLEAN, ONE DAY AT A TIME, FACING LIFE ON LIFE'S
TERMS.  HOPEFULLY, AFTER COMING AROUND FOR A WHILE, THEY STOP
USING.  LEARNING TO DO THIS IS THE HARDEST THING.  THEY JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND HOW TO DO IT.  THEY ARE TOLD IF THEY DON'T PUT IT IN THEIR
BODY, THEY WON'T GET HIGH.   BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOTS OF THINGS IN
THEIR PAST TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THEY CAN DO
ABOUT THOSE THINGS, THEY FEEL POWERLESSNESS AND CAN'T USE  DRUGS
TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL DIFFERENT OR NOT FEEL AT ALL.  THEY HAVE TO
FACE LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES. THEY ALSO
HAVE LOTS OF THINGS TO FEAR ABOUT THEIR FUTURE WITH THEIR WHOLE
LIVES UP IN THE AIR.  AFTER THEY HAVE DETOXED FOR SEVEN TO TEN DAYS,
USUALLY THEY ARE OUT OF THE PHYSICAL COMPULSION TO USE DRUGS AND
LOSE THE DESIRE TO USE.   SOMEHOW THEY GET THROUGH IT WITH THE
HELP OF GOD AND OTHER RECOVERING ADDICTS WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH
IT.  USING ADDICTS (REMEMBER THE RAINBOW) LIVE IN A TWISTED  AND
WARPED PERCEPTION OF REALITY.   THEY NEVER REALLY EXPERIENCE
REALITY AS MOST PEOPLE DO.  THEY LIVE PART OF THE TIME IN ANOTHER
TIME.   EITHER THEY LIVE IN GUILT, SHAME, AND RESENTMENT OF THE PAST
OR THEY LIVE IN FEAR OR A FANTASY LAND IN THE FUTURE.  IF BY SOME
CHANCE THEY ARE IN TODAY, THEY ARE SOME PLACE ELSE IN THEIR MIND, 
ANYWHERE BUT WHERE THEY ARE.  THEY ARE NEVER IN THE HERE AND NOW. 
THEY ARE WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN SELF-CENTERED WORLD TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT HOW THEY CAN CON, LIE, CHEAT, OR STEAL TO FINDING WAYS
AND MEANS TO GET AND USE MORE, NOT CARING ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE
EXCEPT THEMSELVES.
     I THINK I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND SOME ORDER IN THE
DISORDERED MINDS OF THE SELF-CENTERED ADDICTS. THERE IS A PATTERN
IN THEIR BEHAVIOR AND RESPONSES.
     1. THEY ARE SELF CENTERED, AND THEY WANT WHAT THEY WANT AND            THEY WANT IT RIGHT NOW.
     2. THEY ARE IN FEAR THEY WILL NOT GET IT.
     3. THEY SET UP UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF THEMSELVES AND          
          OTHERS AROUND HOW THEY ARE GOING TO GET IT.
     4. THEY TRY THROUGH CONTROL AND MANIPULATION TO GET IT.
     5. SINCE THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT AND/OR WHEN THEY          WANT IT, THEY JUDGE THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS HARSHLY.
     6. THEY FORM RESENTMENTS, BASED ON THESE JUDGMENTS.
     7. THEY ACT OUT AGAINST WHOEVER THEY THINK DESERVES IT.
     8. THEY SUFFER THE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS 
           AND STILL THINK THEY DESERVE WHATEVER THEY THINK                THEY WANTED AND THEY BELIEVE THEY WERE TREATED                  
          WRONGLY.
     9. RETURN TO #1 AND REPEAT THE CYCLE INDEFINITELY.

     HOPEFULLY, IF THEY CONTINUE IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS, THIS IS
WHERE THEY GET TO PRACTICE THE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE OF
OPEN-MINDEDNESS.   IF THEY BECOME OPEN-MINDED TO LISTEN TO THE
SUGGESTIONS, THIS IS WHERE THEY CONSCIOUSLY GET TO PRACTICE THE
SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE OF WILLINGNESS  AND DO THE SUGGESTIONS SUCH AS;
GET A BASIC TEXT AND READ IT, GET A SPONSOR AND USE THEM TO WORK
THE STEPS, GO TO NINETY MEETINGS IN NINETY DAYS AND THAT MEANS ONE
EVERY DAY, GET AND USE PHONE NUMBERS OF OTHER RECOVERING
ADDICTS, PRAY IN THE MORNING  ASKING GOD TO HELP THEM STAY CLEAN 
THAT DAY AND PRAY NIGHTLY  TO  GOD THANKING HIM FOR HELPING THEM
STAY CLEAN THAT DAY. THIS MUST BE DONE DAILY.  BY DOING THIS, THEY
START TO LEARN TO GET OUT OF THEMSELVES, ON A DAILY BASIS.
      ONCE THEY REALIZE THEY HAVE OBSESSIVE THINKING, THEY CAN USE
THE TOOLS TO BREAK OBSESSIVE THINKING. THE TOOLS ARE: CALL ANOTHER
RECOVERING ADDICT, TELL THEM WHAT'S UP, AND START TO THINK ABOUT
RECOVERY; READ THE BASIC TEXT AND START TO THINK ABOUT RECOVERY;
GO TO A MEETING, LISTEN TO THE DISCUSSION AND START TO THINK ABOUT
RECOVERY; DO THE STEP ASSIGNMENTS GIVEN TO THEM BY THEIR SPONSOR
AND START TO THINK ABOUT RECOVERY; ASK THEIR HIGHER POWER OR GOD
OF THEIR UNDERSTANDING TO REMOVE THE OBSESSION AND START  TO
THINK ABOUT RECOVERY.  ONCE THEY START TO USE THESE TOOLS, THEY
WILL OBSESS LESS OFTEN AND FOR LESS TIME. 
       HOPEFULLY, THEY CONTINUE TO STAY IN THE RECOVERY PROCESS. 
THEN, THE WAY THEY WORK ON THE SPIRITUAL PART OR SELF-CENTERED
PART OF THEIR DISEASE IS TO WORK THE TWELVE STEPS OF NARCOTICS
ANONYMOUS WITH THEIR SPONSOR. THE STEPS INTRODUCE AND
ENCOURAGE A WORKING UNDERSTANDING AND RELATIONSHIP WITH THE
GOD OF THEIR UNDERSTANDING, BY TEACHING THEM TO USE SPIRITUAL
PRINCIPLES IN THEIR LIVES. THE BASIC TEXT OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS
STATES, "THREE OF THESE (SPIRITUAL) PRINCIPLES THAT ARE INDISPENSABLE
ARE HONESTY, OPEN MINDEDNESS, AND WILLINGNESS, WITH THESE WE ARE
WELL ON OUR WAY."  WHEN THEY PRACTICE THE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES
TAUGHT IN THE STEPS, THIS TEACHES THEM TO BE MORE GOD-CENTERED
AND LESS SELF-CENTERED IN THEIR LIVES.  THEREFORE, THIS IS A NEW WAY
OF LIFE.   
     I HAVE A FRIEND THAT SAYS, "ADDICTION IS A LEARNED, INADEQUATE,
INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO LIFE'S TERMS AND THAT  RECOVERY IS A
LEARNED, ADEQUATE, APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO LIFE'S TERMS."  THE
BOOK STATES, "NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS IS A SPIRITUAL NOT RELIGIOUS
PROGRAM."  I BELIEVE RELIGION IS MAN'S WAY OF MAKING HIMSELF KNOWN
TO GOD AND SPIRITUALITY IS GOD'S WAY OF MAKING HIMSELF KNOWN TO A
MAN.  IN NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, THE RECOVERING ADDICTS FIND A HIGHER
POWER OR GOD OF THEIR OWN UNDERSTANDING.  THIS GOD OR HIGHER
POWER IS NOT ONE OF RELIGIOUS DOGMA, BUT ONE THEY FIND THAT WORKS
AND KEEPS THE RECOVERING ADDICTS CLEAN. 
      AS WAS STATED EARLIER, "RECOVERY IS A PROCESS NOT AN EVENT," 
AND THE RECOVERING ADDICTS WILL NEVER BE CURED, WELL,  MAYBE AFTER
THEY'RE DEAD.  I DON'T THINK THEY CAN USE AFTER THEY'RE DEAD.  THE
RECOVERING ADDICT MUST PRACTICE SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES IN ALL THEIR
AFFAIRS, ON A DAILY BASIS.  LEARNING TO LIVE A LIFE WHEN AND WHERE
THEIR FEET ARE AT, IS A DIFFICULT PROCESS AND ONLY THE START OF THE
JOURNEY.  THE BASIC TEXT STATES "OUR SOLUTION IS SPIRITUAL IN NATURE."
THE TWELVE STEPS OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS ARE AN INCREDIBLE
PROCESS OR ADVENTURE INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEMSELVES, WITH
THE GOD OF THEIR UNDERSTANDING,  AND OTHERS.  THERE ARE ONLY THREE
SUGGESTED CHARACTERISTICS OF A GOD OR HIGHER POWER.  IN
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS IT IS SUGGESTED THAT IT BE: LOVING, CARING, AND
GREATER THAN THEMSELVES. THE RECOVERING ADDICT NEEDS TO LEARN TO
DEPEND ON THIS GOD OF THEIR UNDERSTANDING.  THAT THEY ARE LEARNING
TO LIVE CLEAN, WITHOUT USING DRUGS, WHEN AND WHERE THEIR FEET ARE
AT,  ON LIFE'S TERMS,  AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD IS A MIRACLE.    THIS IS,  A
NEW WAY OF LIFE,   YES, IT IS POSSIBLE TO LIVE A RAINBOW.