12.
HELL AND HEAVEN
     I DO NOT BELIEVE IN HELL AS I WAS TAUGHT TO THINK OF IT AS A KID.  
HELL WAS THE LAKE OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, ETERNALLY BURNING THE
SOULS OF THE DAMNED.  I HAVE LEARNED THAT "HELL" IN GREEK MEANS "A
SEPARATION FROM GOD."  I BELIEVE I HAVE EXPERIENCED HELL, AS I
SEPARATED MYSELF FROM GOD FOR MANY YEARS.  GOD'S LOVE IS LIKE
SUNLIGHT THAT SHINES ON ME 24/7/365 NO MATTER WHAT.  TO ME, GUILT IS
THE LOGICAL KNOWLEDGE THAT I DID THE DEED.  TO ME, SHAME IS ABOUT
HOW BAD OF A PERSON I FEEL I AM BECAUSE I DID THE DEED.  SHAME IS
DEFINED IN THE DICTIONARY AS "A STATE OF DISGRACE."  DIS MEANS
WITHOUT.  GRACE MEANS GOD'S LOVE.  SO SHAME MEANS, WITHOUT GOD'S
LOVE.  THE DEAL HERE IS, I AM THE ONE WHO REFUSED THAT GRACE AND
LIVED WITHOUT GOD'S GRACE; GOD DID NOT WITHHOLD ITS GRACE FROM ME. 
I LIVED IN GUILT (MY LOGICAL JUDGMENT) AND SHAME (FEELING BAD ABOUT
WHOM I AM) FOR MANY YEARS SEPARATING MYSELF FROM GOD BECAUSE OF
MY FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS.  I HAD PREVIOUSLY LEARNED OF MY
UNWORTHINESS IN CHURCH.  YOU KNOW, ORIGINAL SIN AND ALL THAT STUFF. 
 I TRIED TO FILL THIS VOID IN MY SOUL, WHICH I CAUSED.  IT SEEMS TO ME I
CREATED A WALL ABOVE MY SOUL BLOCKING GOD'S LOVE OR GRACE FROM
COMING INTO MY SOUL WHEN I REJECTED GOD, AND THUS CAUSED GREAT
PAIN IN MY VOID OR MY SOUL AND TO MANY OTHER PEOPLE I LOVED BECAUSE
I WAS NOT TRYING TO LIVE A SPIRITUAL LIFE.  WHEN I RETURNED TO GOD
YEARS LATER, WHAT I EXPERIENCED WAS THAT GOD WAS STILL THERE AND
WAS STILL TRYING TO REVEAL ITSELF TO ME, EVEN AS I TORE DOWN THAT
WALL.
     I BELIEVE THAT WHEN WE LEAVE THIS HUMAN EXPERIENCE, WE WILL
BECOME A BUTTERFLY WHETHER WE ARE KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT
SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES AND HAVE LEARNED HOW TO APPLY THEM IN OUR
HUMAN EXPERIENCE OR NOT. SO IT IS IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE WE ARE
CATERPILLARS BECAUSE, THEN WE CAN GET WITH GOD IN THIS HUMAN
EXPERIENCE, OTHERWISE THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T BELIEVE WE WERE
CATERPILLARS WILL REALLY BE SURPRISED WHEN THEY TURN INTO
BUTTERFLIES.  THIS WILL BE VERY EMBARRASSING AND HUMILIATING FOR
THOSE OF US WHO COMPLETELY REJECTED GOD AND SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES
IN OUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE.  I THINK THEY WILL JUDGE THEMSELVES
HARSHLY, AND WALK AWAY, SEPARATING THEMSELVES FROM GOD AGAIN,
BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY ARE UNWORTHY OF GOD'S LOVE.  HOWEVER, I
BELIEVE GOD WILL BE SAYING,  "HEY, COME HERE.  I LOVE YOU, NO, DON'T
SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM ME AGAIN.  PLEASE COME OVER HERE.  IT'S OK, I
LOVE YOU ANYWAY."
     I BELIEVE THAT EVEN AS BUTTERFLIES WE CAN ALL GROW AND CHANGE
WITH THE LOVE OF GOD SHINING ON US, IF WE DO NOT REJECT GOD'S LOVE. 
GOD WANTS US WITH IT.  OUR JUDGMENTAL NATURE KEEPS US AWAY FROM
GOD, FROM OTHERS AND FINALLY FROM OURSELVES.  I ALSO HOPE, THAT WE
ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE AT THIS HUMAN EXISTENCE THING.  I BELIEVE GOD
IS VERY LOVING.  I HOPE THAT MEANS IT WOULD NOT WANT ME TO DO THIS
HUMAN THING AGAIN.  I THINK THAT WOULD BE A CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT.  BUT IF THAT IS GOD'S WILL?  OK, I WILL DO IT AGAIN!  BUT I
BELIEVE THAT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.
     TRY THIS ONE ON FOR SIZE.  YOU OWN A CAR PAINT SHOP.  YOU HIRE A
NEW PERSON TO WORK FOR YOU, BUT HE HAD NEVER EVEN BEEN IN A PAINT
SHOP BEFORE AND KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THEM.  YOU TELL
HIM TO GO INTO THE SHOP AND PAINT A CAR.  THERE IS NOTHING IN THE
PAINT SHOP EXCEPT A HAMMER, GLUE AND A CAR.  HE CAN'T GET ANY HELP
OR INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU SEEMINGLY OFFER NONE.  HOURS LATER WHEN
HE COMES BACK IN AND SAYS, "OK BOSS, NOW WHAT?"  YOU GO OUT AND
LOOK AT THE CAR HE JUST WORKED ON, AND NOTICE HE HAS SPREAD GLUE
ALL OVER THE CAR WITH THE HAMMER.  WOULD YOU BE UPSET?  HE JUST
WANTED THE PAINT TO STICK TO THE CAR.  WOULD YOU CONDEMN HIM TO
HELL?  YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM ANY INSTRUCTIONS.  HE IS NOT PERFECT.  HE IS
ONLY HUMAN.  HE DID THE BEST HE COULD.  WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
     I DO NOT BELIEVE GOD WILL CONDEMN US TO HELL FOR OUR MISTAKES
EITHER.  GOD MADE US IMPERFECT AND GAVE US ESSENTIALLY NO
INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO LIVE LIFE. THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS ARE A FEW
BOOKS OF DUBIOUS TRANSLATION AND INTERPRETATION, A CONSCIOUS
CONTACT WITH THE GOD OF OUR MISUNDERSTANDING THAT WE MUST
DEVELOP FOR OURSELVES, AND THE PRACTICE OF SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES. 
THESE LAST TWO THINGS WE MUST LEARN THE HARD WAY (BY TRIAL AND
ERROR) ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE.