I'm about 5'4", and my hair is about three feet long. When people draw caricatures of me I look like an S with hair. My mum calls me Cousin It. I wear glasses, I like my clothes with as many colors as possible, and I comfort eat, so all in all I'm sort of distinctive. Actually, my teachers were calling me eccentric when I was eight.
I have looked in to lots of sorts of character assessment and divination, and although they are very interesting when it comes to telling futures the results led me to believe more in telekinesis than precognition. I read everything in the library about parapsychology, which wasn't very much, and then I moved on to the next shelf and books about religion. It just totally changed the way I saw the world. I used to be really totally Christian, the kind that went to Seekers meetings and really believed that God had promised me stuff. Now I guess you could call me Pagan. I looked at a lot of the basics of Christianity, like original sin and predestination and the only way to heaven being through God's grace, and I just totally disagreed with them. I do not see this life as just an inconvenient prelude, or a sort of begging at the gate. Nowadays I believe in re-incarnation, so I figure this life is the only game in town. I do not think people are born sinful, or that sex is sinful, and I really strongly believe that what happens to us in all our futures is based on our actions here and now, and not the decisions of some supreme being. I didn't find any one religion that said things so I agreed with it all, so I ended up kind of figuring out a system for myself, and that its what most of this website is going to be about. It is always going to be a work in progress, like me.
I have been around computers all my life. Dad used to build them, and since he kept the parts under the bed my youngest brother ended up being born on them. The business didn't really do too well, so what with one thing and another we never got what you'd nowadays call a PC. The first look I got at the internet was on the computers at the University of East Anglia ,which my friends go to. I kind of totally failed my maths A level and got a C and a D in Biology and Chemistry, so I came a little short of all my offers. I haven't really got into gear since then. I live in a place called 'East Dereham - the Heart of Norfolk', and apparently we have a website about the town, but I haven't found it yet.
I go into Norwich with friends mostly to play AD&D regularly, and buy Magic cards. I've tried a couple other gaming systems, but I haven't really gotten into any of them. I rather like the idea of playing an Immortal in LARP. I'm saving up for a sword of my own :-)
So I get on the computers, and my friend lets me use his access, and it's like -WOW! There's this whole world of people just like me! I found the Duchovniks and the DDEB were out there, and about a million sites about Star Trek, and Babylon 5, and Forteana, and weird religion, and it was like - We are not alone! Up until then, my friends and I both played AD&D, and watched science fiction, but that was the only place our interests overlapped. Now I find all these people talking about stuff that matters to me, and I just spent every moment I could online. In July 1997 the big day came when my Halifax windfall finally turned into a computer of my very own, and so here I am. Please write to me!
As of May 1998 I have joined at least two dozen mailing lists, mostly X-Files and Highlander/Richie Ryan with a couple of religion, Star Trek and anti censorship things thrown in for good measure. I am having a blast online, but my RL is going not so well. I've been off sick with anxiety and stress for so long I qualify for disability benefits. *shrugs* Oh well.
I went to Homeland 98! It was good. I wrote up a con report.
I went to Chronicles 99 at the end of Feb 1999. It was awesome, brilliant, excellent. I met Stan Kirsch, in person, and I got a hug and a kiss! This is very, very cool. Read my con report here. Both these reports have pictures of me in.
I also sell 'Clan Denial- Richie's swimming in the River Denial' t-shirts. Buy them here. Or you could drop in on my Bookshop and help my financial situation considerable.
March 1999, and I am off the Star Trek and X Files lists and on to more Highlander and some Sentinel lists, as well as Forteana and some anti censorship campaigns. I still maintain the Church of Our Guy David Duchovny but I am not so into the show any more. It got nastier and more self referential, I got into guys with swords. I am organising a Highlander minicon in August and hope to have a bigger convention with guests sometime in the year 2000. Of course I might have changed fandoms again by then... *shrugs* whatever I do you'll hear it first by email and on the world wide web... like I told Stan Kirsch, I live by email.
May 1999, and I have joined the Official Stan Kirsch Fan Club! Charter Member 92 of 200. I got my web site in the very first 'Stan's Place' newsletter ever! This is so cool. I also have my page linked from the Official Highlander site. Very nice. I'm still hoping that one won't get me into trouble... there's this little thing called copyright violation that they could get annoyed about if they took a mind to do so...
What else, I am now a total fan of The Sentinel. I am writing in to Sky about it, I made a new friend in Germany who has sent me a load of tapes, and I am totally in love with the guys (but know they only have eyes for each other).
On a less fun note, my psychiatrist and therapy nurse and all those sort of people are currently debating exactly what to call it, but apparently I have something on the lines of Pervasive Developmental Disorder. On the forms for Disability Living Allowance they put something like High Functioning Autism, or Asperger's Syndrome. Basically this means I Don't Get It. People, Life in general. I really don't. It all just confuses me, so it looks like I'll be hanging out online and living off benefits for, quote, 'the forseeable future'. Life would be depressing if RL was all I had. Actually Depression is one of the things on my sicknotes for the past three years, so I guess life is depressing anyways. Online life is much more fun though. The other thing on the notes is anxiety, so now anyone who looks this up knows why I am so wierd in Real Life. And why I chose this background music ;-) Got to keep a sense of humour about it, really. Just in case any of my teachers ever read this page: thanks a lot, like it would have been too much to notice I had problems! I wasn't just being awkward, I was not being aggressive, I just had a few crossed wires in the wetware. It would have helped if you had noticed that instead of just pushing me to get the grades. If you ever get a few photocopies in the mail all about Asperger's syndrome and advice for teachers, thats probably because I got bored and decided to actually send them. I recognised myself and *you* so much. Guess what: y'all did all the wrong things! Heh heh, I've got someone to blame, life is cool.
I dont know how much I want to tell the world about my mental state really. Mum hates it whenever I get a label for whatever reasons, like it means I'll be labelled damaged goods for life now. My credit record might have that effect, what my pshrink says will not. I'm seeing them to get better! By the time any of this is relevant to any potential employer, I'll be all fixed up anyways.
November 1999:- I posted a minicon report to the mailing list at the time, now I am having a total revamp of my website so I will put it here. Basically I had fun. It wasn't a huge financial success, but neither was it a total disaster. This I can live with.
My life has been getting consistently better. Pretty cool, yes? While I still have the crosswired wetware problems, I am a ton less depressed and anxious than I used to be. I did an assertiveness course, which worked. My goal at the start of the course was to talk out loud in shops. Now I not only talk, I took something back and got a refund. I am doing my shopping on my own practically every week. Don't laugh, this is a huge big deal when you've been stuck at home for years because the world is just way too confusing. It still has its confusing moments, but I feel like I'm getting my balance again.
Most exciting news of the year- I have started a course run by City College. It is called New Directions, and I am actually liking it. I stutter, I have to take hiding breaks, I occaisionally opt out of activities that would freak me out, and it's all okay! Life is so much easier when I don't have to fit the box. I haven't missed a lesson yet, and we had half term last week so that is pretty good going considering. I'm beginning to feel like it is okay to be me again, to get my balance like I said and to forge ahead steadily despite stutters and all the rest. And it is working. At this rate I can go on to do the Return to Learn course next, and then finally I can get to University! I am totally looking forward to that. Actually if they just gave me a library card and permission to lurk in the big lecture theatre I would probably be just as happy... is that strange? ;-)
This version is going to the web site after all, but don't think I'm a total mess just because I have these odd bits. Take a look at what I have done, not what I have problems with.
September 2002- Well I know I hardly ever update this page, but there has been much progress. I've been to a lot more conventions, some of them involving travel on my own in London. I do my own shopping many times a week, and leave the house on many days. I'm getting myself places on the bus. Basically on brief acquaintance you might not notice I was a strange person. Longer acquaintance, say anything over about five minutes...
Biggest news of the millenium to date- I'm going to City College, in Norwich, two days a week, to study an Access course. It isnt even a special course for special people, its just a mature students course. City College has helpful people for disabled students, including someone to help people just like me. So I feel a bit confident. I have already exceeded my wildest expectations- by mid October not only have I turned up for every scheduled lesson (except the day after the fire in the parking garage under my flat, but that was a good reason. no lasting damage from the fire BTW) I have finished my first assignment for Art History, turned up for Stats all the times I'm supposed to, AND talked in class in an appropriate fashion. I haven't needed to run and hide once. I'm doing so well I keep on waiting for things to go splat, because this is just not like my life. This is a normal persons life, albeit a normal mature student. There are mature students both younger and older than me (a LOT older) so aside from the odd phrasing (mature? moi?) I'm getting used to the idea. I'm studying two days a week for two years, Art History this year and the required Stats and IT module, and next year something like Cultural Studies and Sociology. Its the Access to Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences course and I love it so far. If I can just keep on going like I have been for all these many weeks so far, I can do this. And then maybe UEA to study something part time there. I'm loving Art History (I've probably already said that but I really, really am) and UEA has some good Art History and something courses, part time even, so I have a PLAN now. A bit of a ten year plan at the rate I'm going, but that works.
Actually having said the thing about knowing me more than 5 minutes, I dont think that entirely true. I dont think I sound disabled type strange, just maybe a little awkward. And some people would think my net life odd pretty much by definition. Silly them. :-ppppppppp
Excellent good news October 2002- I've sold an article to Fortean Times! The one about the factual basis of Highlander that I've been working on for years. Most excellent cool. It should be in the January 2003 issue, and I'm like totally bouncy excited. I'm strange, but I'm printed! Cool.
When it actually appeared in FT167- less cool. They mauled it to bitses. And changed my opinions. And added facts. But, I'm a published author.
Actually cool news for January 2003- I have friends again! Okay, so my e-friends do count, but I have RL friends too. Not new ones, but I got back in touch with the same guys I used to RPG with when they were in uni. They haven't changed terribly much. Theoretically grown up and some of them even making money, but still RPG at least twice a week. I'm going every Sunday to play Technomancer (GURPS world setting, Shadowrun rules. Like the GURPS, still confused with the Shadowrun. too many d6) Its cool, and I'd almost forgotten how much fun it can be. I'm playing a cat chimera. The ears and tail sign language is evolving rapidly...
College is going less well. I've had to drop Stats & IT. Two days a week was just too much. But I still have yet to miss a lesson for Art History, even when there was a bus strike and snow and I spent longer in the q for the bl**** bus than actually in class. I got a Merit on my first assignment. I didnt go on the field trip to Barcelona, waaaay too much travelling, but that just means I have more time to work on the second assignment. It may well take twice as long to finish the course as for regular people, but I think I actually will finish it. Coolness.
The year progressed. I managed two full terms without missing a lesson but missed one after End of Days, then got to one, then missed one due to not getting to sleep. I feel kinda like I'm on the home stretch, but its all uphill. I got a distinction on my second assignment, I actually stood up in front of the entire class and TALKED for my third assignment, and I think I did pretty good but havent got the marks back yet. The fourth and final assignment is a timed essay, to be done the day after I get back from The Harvest. This could be a problem...
RPG has turned into Cyberpunk, which is less fun than magic but involves a lot of inventing new characters. I've been to a bunch of events with Kulture Shock and they were cool. I went to End of Days, and that was huge and cool.
Last weekend, at the start of May 2003, my baby cousin Kenny had his SECOND birthday party. It is so strange to think that he has existed for two whole years. So I went to his party and signed a card and showed Uncle Robert my convention pictures and then we all went round Grandmas and I showed Grandma and Grandpa the con pictures with me in them, which was cool. I hardly ever get to Ipswich, where they live, and Grandma pretty much cannot travel any more, so the last time I got to see them was when Auntie Wendy got married, and that was two years ago. So now I have seen them again and told them all about college and stuff. And there was no nasty comments about anything to do with me at all. And nice comments about clothes and study and stuff. Things go well.
Background music used to be 'I'm going slightly mad' by Queen, but the file stopped working, so now I make the funny in words.