Disclaimer: On some planet, in some solar system I might be the owner of this characters but in this reality I am merely borrowing them from All Holy Paramount and also promise to return them once I'm done. Comments and feedback are welcome.

Rating: PG - adult language, thoughts

Again the seat groaned as Janeway shifted a bit in it and fumed, while turbulent thoughts raced in her head. *What had brought that on? How dare he? * She bit into her lip harder as the answers seemed to flirt with her conscience and frustrate her all the more.

The ship had just left a friendly planet behind and something she still did not understand had made Chakotay become distant. In one instance he had even turned his back on her while they were in the presence of the planet's main leader and then gone so far as move ever slightly on his heel when her hand had reached out to touch him. She had thought of talking to him in private but circumstances had not given her a single moment alone.

Now she sat fuming in her ready room, mentally preparing herself for a showdown while he was a few feet away in his own seat on the Bridge.

She tapped her commbadge, "Captain to Chakotay, I would like a word with you."

His response was instant, "I can't right now, Captain. Tuvok has told me there is a small emergency he would like me to take a look at."

Her teeth clenched and she tapped a finger onto her desk. *Count to ten before you speak. * "Well then. Perhaps later on we can have a small meeting. There is a small matter I wish to discuss."

"Of course."

The hours passed and still Janeway heard little from the Commander. There had been several pads that had kept her busy after their small talk and the end of the shift came to be too quickly.

"Computer. Locate Commander Chakotay," she requested.

The monotone voice replied, "Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

*Should I wait or go right now and talk? * she thought and finally decided that the next morning would be good enough. Walking briskly to her own quarters, she quickly undressed and jumped into the shower to wash her hair along side with the stress of the day.

But still her thoughts bugged the hell out of her and she knew she'd have a snowball's chance in hell of sleeping unless this was put to rest now. Once out of the shower and rapidly drying her short hair vigorously with her towel, she again wondered if it was a good idea to talk to her XO.

Six minutes later she was dried off, fully dressed in a pair of casual pants, a soft cotton shirt plus a low pair of sandals and asked the computer, "Computer. Locate Commander Chakotay."

Again the monotone voice told her he was in his quarters.

*Ah what the hell. Might as well. * Her quick steps took her to his side of the ship and she chimed the door before thinking it over twice.

"Enter."

She stepped into his quarters and looked around for him. He was sitting quietly on the floor in the middle of the room. Looked as if he had merely taken his own shower and was still leaving some small water puddles here and there. The shirt clung here and there in a bit of a provocative way but Kathryn tore her gaze from there.

"Commander," in her best authoritative voice, "I recall telling you before that I wanted to talk to you." Her hands came up to her hips and loosely remained there.

Chakotay looked up at her and tried hard not to smile. Her hair was curling slightly around her neck and she looked *cute* in those sandals that showed off her neat little toes and brightly painted nails. Forget mediating. Secretly, he had been avoiding his Captain. Being the smart man that he is, there was no doubt as to what she wanted to talk about.

"Yes, Captain. But in case you don't recall, I was busy with my work as I'm sure you also were. And then the shift ended so I thought we'd talk tomorrow."

Her pale fingers dug into her thin hips while she considered the logic in his comment. "Well, it can't wait."

Chakotay moved his legs so that they stretched out in front of him and leaned on his hands a bit but he didn't bother to get up. Well, not yet anyway. "Yes?"

Kathryn paced as her tongue took to life, "I don't know what's the matter with you," she began, "but I sense a certain amount of distance from you. The other day on the planet you acted odd and then treated me as if I were some sort of plague carrier. Have I done something to upset you in some way?"

His dark eyes had not left her for an instant when she'd begun her quick pacing. Each move of her body had made the soft scent of her perfume waft over him and quite frankly he was amazed he wasn't sporting the biggest hard on of his life. That was due in part to the words she that had spilled.

Reflecting for a moment he answered her as honestly as he could, "Yes and no."

Kathryn's movements came to an immediate halt and now her arms crossed in front of her. Her mouth flattened into a thin line and she demanded, "What the hell does that mean?"

Chakotay decided that being as honest as he could be would be the best way to deal with her anger. "Captain, back on the planet do you remember what happened?"

"Of course I do."

"Then please refresh my memory."

Kathryn looked skyward as she began to talk quickly, "We were getting low on supplies so we managed to find some excellent provisions at Menadre Four. The planets' world counsel leader invited us down, gave us the royal treatment and blah, blah, blah. You know perfectly well what happened."

His tanned hand came up and Chakotay wagged an index finger back and forth. "Ah. But you forget one very important moment which has led to this discussion now."

Kathryn's eyes glared a bright blue as she frowned at him, "What the hell are you talking about?"

At this Chakotay stayed silent as he in one fluid movement stood up and came to stand a mere four feet from his now fuming lady.

"The planet's leader inquired if I was your mate."

Her face paled ever slightly as this thought returned. It had been so innocent a question that she'd put it aside immediately because if she even considered where that idea could lead, then she'd go insane.

"Um. I remember."

His voice was smooth, to someone who didn't know his body language they would think Chakotay was relaxed but she could see the way his shoulders were bunched up and his stance was tense. If Kathryn didn't know any better, she'd swear he was ready to pounce on her.

"Do you, Kathryn? Do you also recall how vehemently you denied it? Four times," he practically growled out each word. "Have you any idea how low I felt when you all but screamed out four times the word no? I felt lower than dirt."

Pivoting on his foot he turned to the nearest window and stared out sightlessly at the stars outside. "Do I disgust you? Or are you just that cold and repulsed of my feelings and that I care about you?"

Kathryn's fingers itched to grab his thick neck and shake some damned sense into him. "How dare give me your back as we speak. And fuck you if you think I'm cold. Just because I need to carry my weight and the lives of every single other person on this ship and not act like the biggest tease in the world does not make me cold."

His eyes left the window and turned to her but he remained quiet. Knowing that a lot of emotions were exploding from within her and it was best he not interfere.

She took a step forward and her hands became fists at her side. "Have you any idea how hard it has been for me to work up to the ranks I have now? The years of listening to the occasion asshole talking behind my back because they suspect that I reached my position through sleeping with the occasional Admiral. The fact that though the Federation and Earth has come a long way since the last century, that some people still think a brainy, stubborn and beautiful combination inside the body of a female automatically makes her a bitch. Do I make demands on this ship? Damned straight I do. I also make the same demands on myself. Does that earn me the rank of bitch? I don't give a fat fuck. Did I deny being your mate because you disgust me? Yeah, Chakotay. You disgust me so much that sometimes I masturbate thinking about you being in my bed with me. Occasionally, I'll have a wet dream of your hands roaming all over me and wake up and need to sit next to you without stripping off all your clothes right there on the Bridge."

Kathryn's knees shook as she finished her rant and her breathe ran briskly thru her nose. And even though her hands shook ever so slightly she'd turn around and walk out of here with as much dignity as she could once she finished her speech. "You care about me? Well, I can hardly tell with the way that you all but throw yourself at each alien female we come across. Forgive me if I seem to not see how you being in some other creatures arms makes me feel all warm and wiggly inside."

Speechless was hardly the way to describe Chakotay. His mouth was dry and for the smallest of seconds his cheeks had been red with all the comments he'd heard about himself.

His words came out stuttered, "I know I have not been a Boy Scout in my very brief relationships. Each time I tried to make myself draw close to someone I would find myself comparing her to you. Her hair was not that red shade which makes me itch to bury my hands in it; her perfume was always off not entangling my sensations with lust, love or wanting and none had a nose that wrinkled slightly when she smiles."

A sigh escaped loudly from him before Chakotay continued.

He held his hand up to stop her when she looked ready to interrupt him, "No. Let me finish. I have not been good to you and I do want to apologize for that. I am so very sorry. For any hurt feelings I may have caused due to trying to bury my emotions behind other relationships. But listening to you put to words the very fear I held inside was just the straw that broke this camel's back."

A small shiver shook her smaller frame, "Where do we go from here Chakotay? Does this relationship have any hope in it?"

His eyes gleamed slightly from all the feelings that were barely contained inside him. "I'm willing to do anything to make this work. No one is saying it will be easy, but I would rather try than give up without so much as a fight. All I know is that I'd sell my soul just to hold you right now."

Kathryn felt the pinch inside her nose which meant that her tears were not too far off and without thinking about whatever consequences would result from this moment, she walked into his now open arms and held him as hard as he did her.

A huge whimper escaped her and she gulped in air. "No reason for you to lose your soul. But I do want your heart."

He hugged her until their scents mingled then drew her face back to look into her moist eyes. "My heart has always been yours. Never ever doubt that," he said as he kissed over and over again.

Gently whispered words passed between them as the night continued and hurt emotions were healed. A new day brought promises of a better relationship and beginnings of an eternal love.

The End

Frustrations By Patty R Disclaimer: On some planet, in some solar system I might be the owner of this characters but in this reality I am merely borrowing them from All Holy Paramount and also promise to return them once I'm done. Comments and feedback are welcome. Rating: PG - adult language, thoughts Again the seat groaned as Janeway shifted a bit in it and fumed, while turbulent thoughts raced in her head. *What had brought that on? How dare he? * She bit into her lip harder as the answers seemed to flirt with her conscience and frustrate her all the more. The ship had just left a friendly planet behind and something she still did not understand had made Chakotay become distant. In one instance he had even turned his back on her while they were in the presence of the planet's main leader and then gone so far as move ever slightly on his heel when her hand had reached out to touch him. She had thought of talking to him in private but circumstances had not given her a single moment alone. Now she sat fuming in her ready room, mentally preparing herself for a showdown while he was a few feet away in his own seat on the Bridge. She tapped her commbadge, "Captain to Chakotay, I would like a word with you." His response was instant, "I can't right now, Captain. Tuvok has told me there is a small emergency he would like me to take a look at." Her teeth clenched and she tapped a finger onto her desk. *Count to ten before you speak. * "Well then. Perhaps later on we can have a small meeting. There is a small matter I wish to discuss." "Of course." The hours passed and still Janeway heard little from the Commander. There had been several pads that had kept her busy after their small talk and the end of the shift came to be too quickly. "Computer. Locate Commander Chakotay," she requested. The monotone voice replied, "Commander Chakotay is in his quarters." *Should I wait or go right now and talk? * she thought and finally decided that the next morning would be good enough. Walking briskly to her own quarters, she quickly undressed and jumped into the shower to wash her hair along side with the stress of the day. But still her thoughts bugged the hell out of her and she knew she'd have a snowball's chance in hell of sleeping unless this was put to rest now. Once out of the shower and rapidly drying her short hair vigorously with her towel, she again wondered if it was a good idea to talk to her XO. Six minutes later she was dried off, fully dressed in a pair of casual pants, a soft cotton shirt plus a low pair of sandals and asked the computer, "Computer. Locate Commander Chakotay." Again the monotone voice told her he was in his quarters. *Ah what the hell. Might as well. * Her quick steps took her to his side of the ship and she chimed the door before thinking it over twice. "Enter." She stepped into his quarters and looked around for him. He was sitting quietly on the floor in the middle of the room. Looked as if he had merely taken his own shower and was still leaving some small water puddles here and there. The shirt clung here and there in a bit of a provocative way but Kathryn tore her gaze from there. "Commander," in her best authoritative voice, "I recall telling you before that I wanted to talk to you." Her hands came up to her hips and loosely remained there. Chakotay looked up at her and tried hard not to smile. Her hair was curling slightly around her neck and she looked *cute* in those sandals that showed off her neat little toes and brightly painted nails. Forget mediating. Secretly, he had been avoiding his Captain. Being the smart man that he is, there was no doubt as to what she wanted to talk about. "Yes, Captain. But in case you don't recall, I was busy with my work as I'm sure you also were. And then the shift ended so I thought we'd talk tomorrow." Her pale fingers dug into her thin hips while she considered the logic in his comment. "Well, it can't wait." Chakotay moved his legs so that they stretched out in front of him and leaned on his hands a bit but he didn't bother to get up. Well, not yet anyway. "Yes?" Kathryn paced as her tongue took to life, "I don't know what's the matter with you," she began, "but I sense a certain amount of distance from you. The other day on the planet you acted odd and then treated me as if I were some sort of plague carrier. Have I done something to upset you in some way?" His dark eyes had not left her for an instant when she'd begun her quick pacing. Each move of her body had made the soft scent of her perfume waft over him and quite frankly he was amazed he wasn't sporting the biggest hard on of his life. That was due in part to the words she that had spilled. Reflecting for a moment he answered her as honestly as he could, "Yes and no." Kathryn's movements came to an immediate halt and now her arms crossed in front of her. Her mouth flattened into a thin line and she demanded, "What the hell does that mean?" Chakotay decided that being as honest as he could be would be the best way to deal with her anger. "Captain, back on the planet do you remember what happened?" "Of course I do." "Then please refresh my memory." Kathryn looked skyward as she began to talk quickly, "We were getting low on supplies so we managed to find some excellent provisions at Menadre Four. The planets' world counsel leader invited us down, gave us the royal treatment and blah, blah, blah. You know perfectly well what happened." His tanned hand came up and Chakotay wagged an index finger back and forth. "Ah. But you forget one very important moment which has led to this discussion now." Kathryn's eyes glared a bright blue as she frowned at him, "What the hell are you talking about?" At this Chakotay stayed silent as he in one fluid movement stood up and came to stand a mere four feet from his now fuming lady. "The planet's leader inquired if I was your mate." Her face paled ever slightly as this thought returned. It had been so innocent a question that she'd put it aside immediately because if she even considered where that idea could lead, then she'd go insane. "Um. I remember." His voice was smooth, to someone who didn't know his body language they would think Chakotay was relaxed but she could see the way his shoulders were bunched up and his stance was tense. If Kathryn didn't know any better, she'd swear he was ready to pounce on her. "Do you, Kathryn? Do you also recall how vehemently you denied it? Four times," he practically growled out each word. "Have you any idea how low I felt when you all but screamed out four times the word no? I felt lower than dirt." Pivoting on his foot he turned to the nearest window and stared out sightlessly at the stars outside. "Do I disgust you? Or are you just that cold and repulsed of my feelings and that I care about you?" Kathryn's fingers itched to grab his thick neck and shake some damned sense into him. "How dare give me your back as we speak. And fuck you if you think I'm cold. Just because I need to carry my weight and the lives of every single other person on this ship and not act like the biggest tease in the world does not make me cold." His eyes left the window and turned to her but he remained quiet. Knowing that a lot of emotions were exploding from within her and it was best he not interfere. She took a step forward and her hands became fists at her side. "Have you any idea how hard it has been for me to work up to the ranks I have now? The years of listening to the occasion asshole talking behind my back because they suspect that I reached my position through sleeping with the occasional Admiral. The fact that though the Federation and Earth has come a long way since the last century, that some people still think a brainy, stubborn and beautiful combination inside the body of a female automatically makes her a bitch. Do I make demands on this ship? Damned straight I do. I also make the same demands on myself. Does that earn me the rank of bitch? I don't give a fat fuck. Did I deny being your mate because you disgust me? Yeah, Chakotay. You disgust me so much that sometimes I masturbate thinking about you being in my bed with me. Occasionally, I'll have a wet dream of your hands roaming all over me and wake up and need to sit next to you without stripping off all your clothes right there on the Bridge." Kathryn's knees shook as she finished her rant and her breathe ran briskly thru her nose. And even though her hands shook ever so slightly she'd turn around and walk out of here with as much dignity as she could once she finished her speech. "You care about me? Well, I can hardly tell with the way that you all but throw yourself at each alien female we come across. Forgive me if I seem to not see how you being in some other creatures arms makes me feel all warm and wiggly inside." Speechless was hardly the way to describe Chakotay. His mouth was dry and for the smallest of seconds his cheeks had been red with all the comments he'd heard about himself. His words came out stuttered, "I know I have not been a Boy Scout in my very brief relationships. Each time I tried to make myself draw close to someone I would find myself comparing her to you. Her hair was not that red shade which makes me itch to bury my hands in it; her perfume was always off not entangling my sensations with lust, love or wanting and none had a nose that wrinkled slightly when she smiles." A sigh escaped loudly from him before Chakotay continued. He held his hand up to stop her when she looked ready to interrupt him, "No. Let me finish. I have not been good to you and I do want to apologize for that. I am so very sorry. For any hurt feelings I may have caused due to trying to bury my emotions behind other relationships. But listening to you put to words the very fear I held inside was just the straw that broke this camel's back." A small shiver shook her smaller frame, "Where do we go from here Chakotay? Does this relationship have any hope in it?" His eyes gleamed slightly from all the feelings that were barely contained inside him. "I'm willing to do anything to make this work. No one is saying it will be easy, but I would rather try than give up without so much as a fight. All I know is that I'd sell my soul just to hold you right now." Kathryn felt the pinch inside her nose which meant that her tears were not too far off and without thinking about whatever consequences would result from this moment, she walked into his now open arms and held him as hard as he did her. A huge whimper escaped her and she gulped in air. "No reason for you to lose your soul. But I do want your heart." He hugged her until their scents mingled then drew her face back to look into her moist eyes. "My heart has always been yours. Never ever doubt that," he said as he kissed over and over again. Gently whispered words passed between them as the night continued and hurt emotions were healed. A new day brought promises of a better relationship and beginnings of an eternal love. The End