Rating: PG

The forgotten love letter

It bore no star date anywhere within the papers it was written on and it held no personal information of who had penned it. Yet it was obvious to the readers that it was sent from a man to his unbeknownst ladylove.

It was discovered quite by accident one night B'Elanna had been working on a conduit within the Jeffrey's tube near Engineering. She had reached in and was surprised when the hard leathery discovery came in contact with her fingertips.

"What the-" she exclaimed all the while opening the cover of the thin book she held.

The first words handwritten into the inside cover merely said "Words I cannot express to the one I do love."

B'Elanna's curiosity was peaked instantly. With their modern technology of pads it seemed odd to see someone taking up the art of handwriting things down. The letters were strong and the curves indicated that whoever had done this had obviously taken great care with their words. The book was made of from well-worn leather that showed someone had taken meticulous care of it.

She had kept the book a secret while finishing off the work that needed to be done. Only when her lunchtime came to be did she creep into a quiet corner and began to leaf through it.

The pages were still crisp and the scent of the ink escaped when they were turned so it became obvious to B'Elanna that this book was not as old as she had first imagined. For a moment she continued to read and then after several paragraphs, making a decidedly brash assessment, she carefully tucked it away under her uniform and walked over to the turbolift.

This book was obviously not meant for her to read but she had an idea of who it was meant for.

"Bridge."

The quick moments it took to get there didn't help her nerves because B'Elanna wondered if she was actually doing her Captain a favor by letting her know what this unknown person had written. But being the stubborn Klingon female that she was it was a risk she dared make.

By the time the doors swished open she had squared her jaw and marched with a determined pace to the Captain's ready room after giving a casual nod towards Tuvok.

The doors opened and there sat Kathryn with a half-filled cup of coffee in one hand and a pad in the other. Her smile when she saw who entered made the butterflies in B'Elanna's stomach settle down.

"Good morning B'Elanna. What can I do for you today?" Kathryn asked as she placed the cup and pad down. It had been several weeks since any trouble had come their way so the Captain's face bore nothing more than a casual look of relaxation.

"Captain, I'm sorry to interrupt but there's something I discovered this morning while working in the Jeffries tube and I do believe it should be for you to read first." With that she brought the book out from its hiding place and placed it on her desk.

She saw the way Kathryn's brows came together slightly when her blue eyes fell upon it. B'Elanna could almost hear the Captain's thoughts mirroring her earlier ones on the same idea that someone had obviously taken a good deal of time to write down their thoughts.

"Thank you Lieutenant. I'll look into this matter." With that Kathryn ran her fingers over the edge of the leather, the eyes skimming over every inch of it. Her gaze came back up and within it could be seen the half dozen questions running thru her mind.

"I'll be in Engineering," with a small shrug of her shoulders B'Elanna smiled back and turned to leave. "Good bye for now Captain." Her quick steps carried back out and Kathryn was left alone with her curiosity eating away at her.

She leaned the seat forward a bit and opened the cover to begin reading.

"These thoughts I bear to you, my faithful and silent diary of unanswered dreams, heavily burdened desires and buried wants all revolve upon the one who I can love from a distance and yet know I can never have.

This long journey has placed our destinies together but her heart is no closer now than it was in the year that this all started. Long ago I promised to never be hurt with the wanting of someone I would never be able to have. These barriers would probably soften another man's resolve but Grandfather had always mentioned that I bore a strong head than any mule he had ever had the grace to ride.

She doesn't seem to know the beauty her most subtle of motions bears nor the ways her expressions give so much more to me than any words we could possibly share. Tonight I was alone with her and the soft scent of the perfume clung within my starved lungs for what seemed like hours afterwards.

I know what is means to truly love once more.

Not the sweet kind that a young man carries on his sleeve to the genteel girl he would gaze upon.

Nor the tender kind a colleague bears to someone that is deserving of respect and admiration.

I bear the brunt of wanting to hear her throaty words whisper my name in the middle of the night where we can be alone and the space around us no longer exists. I hunger to be able to share the words; the emotions and the desires she makes me feel whenever she gifts me with a soft caress upon my shoulder.

I love my red haired, blue eyed Goddess. Yet she will never be able to hear these words fall from my lips."

It wasn't until Kathryn read that last sentence that she understood why B'Elanna had come to her ready room.

She wondered if it was a good idea to continue reading it now that she was almost a hundred percent sure this was written with her in mind. But there was also a mystery at hand.

If she was the one it was meant for, then she would have to investigate the handwriting of the only person she decided would be the author. And then the ramifications and implications of what this all meant.

Why hide it in the Jeffries tube where someone could readily find it? True, it hadn't just fallen into B'Elanna's lap but it wasn't an impossible item to discern. As she pondered all these questions she turned the next entry and began to read again.

"Today the meeting went well. She wore my favorite perfume, which surrounded her with the delicious scents that I can only dream of. It brought back the nights I lay awake and wonder if she lavishes her elbows and knees with creams, if her body becomes a haven of curves and skin that resonate with flowery scents.

She walked past me at one moment when B'Elanna was discussing the new adjustments to the warp core and it was all I could do to sit still. My heart was going a mile a minute each time I saw her glorious hair curling around her nape."

Kathryn paused for a second and pondered about that meeting, it must be the one from little over three months ago. There was one definite fact, which sprang to her mind immediately: Chakotay had not been in the latest meeting when she'd talked about the warp core! That was the same day that the crew member evaluation's had to be finalized so she had specifically told him to finish them off in his office.

Her mind swam with the implications that the one person she'd been so certain was this author was in fact someone else. Now she was in doubt about the entire diary and she questioned as to how recently it had been written into. She quickly ran a mental list of who else had been in that room that day.

Tom, Harry, the Doctor, Neelix and Tuvok were the only men she could recall right now as having attended that day. She recalled how the trouble the Doctor had gotten into with imagining the women in his fantasies and she momentarily pondered if he was the one. Almost immediately, though, she canceled that idea.

If it were the Doctor he clearly would've saved it as a part of his program rather than penning it out. Plus by that time they had corrected his internal systems to a degree that he should only be having professional images of his Captain, she'd made absolute certainty of that.

As Kathryn went back to the group of men in that room that day, her mental gaze fell upon her Vulcan friend and the gears in her mind screeched to a halt. Aside from the Commander, of course, this man was her dearest-working companion and also one of her most trusted ally. But she also knew that his intense Vulcan ways had rendered him incapable of writing such passionate writings about her or anyone.

Another one bites the space dust, she thought. Three more to go.

She leaned her seat back, clasped her hands in front of her and was wondering again when the door chimed. Before answering it Kathryn picked up the book and hid it in the first drawer of her desk.

"Come in."

With a soft swoosh the doors parted and Harry walked in with his usual quiet resolve. "Good morning, Captain. I have the latest report you requested." Within his smooth hands there was a padd and his face was as innocent as always.

Kathryn looked at him with a keen eye and wondered briefly if he was the one who was head over heels for her. She didn't see any nervousness in his eyes nor what would constitute as a hidden passion, but it might be just carefully concealed. A part of her knew he held a boy-like fascination with her merely due to her being his Captain and also a female but Kathryn didn't think it extended farther than that.

"Thank you Ensign. Please," she gestured towards the empty seat before her, "Please. Tell me how everything has been lately."

Harry's brows went up quickly and he wondered for a moment as to what had inspired this from his Captain. He knew that it wasn't because there was any dilemmas with his workload since his evaluation had come back with shining colors so there wasn't any worries there.

"Work has been quite easy lately," he answered and offered a small smile her way. "In fact, it's been nearly boring at moments especially in the last shift when I'm in command. Makes a guy wonder about many things."

Harry saw the way Kathryn's eyes opened just enough to convey subtle surprise and he quickly continued. "In fact in all those quiet times I have more than enough time to write new songs and every now and then I get to chat with Megan."

Kathryn leaned in closer to the desk, her eyes taking on an interested look. "Megan? As in Megan Delaney?"

A soft blush crested on his cheeks as he nodded. "I'm sort of fond of her, Captain."

Kathryn didn't like making him squirm and she secretly delighted in knowing that she had one less suspect. And that had taken less than five minutes!

She offered him a small smile. "Well, that's nice to hear. It's not every day I get two pieces of good news." She noticed his bewildered look but left him wondering, "Harry, I'd be more than happy to hear one of your new songs whenever you could play a concert for the crew. And I hope you and Megan are able to work this out."

They spoke for a few moments more before he went back to work. If he had questions about this informal meeting, he hid his curiosity well.

When she was alone once more Kathryn sat back and brought the book out. She opened to another chapter and began to read:

"Sometimes late at night I'll sit here on my couch and remember the way she would wander around the Bridge, that floating stance she bears and the stubborn move of placing her hands on those hips. No wonder enemies fear us.

She is power. As a wildflower is when caught in the midst of a storm, bending and not allowing the gusts to break her stem.

She is softness only matched with a summer breeze when her hand gives me a tender grip on my arm as we work."

With those words Kathryn looked up and wondered if this was Tom. She was known to sometimes give him a soft squeeze on his arm or shoulder when she wished to convey herself without words. But those times were done in an almost maternal fashion. At least that was the way she had intended it.

Albeit she had done this with various crewmembers his was the second to spring to mind. But she knew that he was head over heels with B'Elanna. Or did he perhaps have a secret crush towards his Captain?

And would he be dumb enough to hide something so intimate near the area where his current girlfriend worked? Was this his way of stupidly playing with fire? Kathryn's fingers drummed atop the book for a second longer as she ran a million questions in her mind.

Then once again she placed the book in her drawer and stood up from her desk. Straightening out her shoulders she stepped over to the doors and once they opened, walked out and onto the Bridge. Members of the crew were where they were supposed to be: Chakotay sat in his commanding seat, a padd in his large hand; Tuvok manned security and Tom had his back to her as he worked his console. The only missing piece of this puzzle was Neelix.

Did the furry yellow haired man think romance when he stared at his Captain? Kathryn barely contained the giggle that formed with that very thought. Naturally she was not about to being laughing out loud before her crew, they'd wonder about her mental state if she did! But that idea just made her wish she could.

No, she knew in her heart that this was all wrong. It wasn't Neelix nor was it Tom. As she sat in her commanding seat, her gaze momentarily fell on Chakotay.

Instantly she wondered if those strong hands holding that padd had also carefully applied those words to paper. She could imagine him sitting within the dark and quiet confines of his quarters, a large cup of tea and a pen in hand as he poured his heart onto a flat piece of ancient writing form.

She could picture those large fingers curled around a thin pen as the smooth flowing of the letters come to life and the-

"Captain?"

The single word broke through the musings and she instantly became aware that the Commander had probably posed a question in her direction while she had been all but had her head stuck up in the clouds.

"What?" The response wasn't the sharpest or the smartest to flow from her lips but it was all her mind could grasp as she tried to reorganize her thoughts.

His smile easily lit up the entire room. "I asked you if you'd taken a look at the latest reports that have come out of astrometrics. They've graphed some new M class planets which seem to be abundant in our required resources."

Not trusting her tongue she merely nodded as her hand came out and she took the padd without another word in his direction. Why am I acting like an Ensign right out of the Academy? She wondered. I sit besides this man; day in and day out without this much tension.

Sexual tension, that is.

She'd noticed masculine things about him, of course. But each day she fought them tooth and nail because it wasn't the right thing. It would be all too easy to fall into temptation so she denied herself.

And went to bed alone each night.

Chakotay looked down towards his console once more but from the corners of his eyes he watched her. Something was on her mind and it was some big since she'd failed to hear him talking to her while on the Bridge.

He'd thought about it every moment since this morning and now it had made his head throb with questions. She had started the day off great.

It was only after B'Elanna's visit that she had begun to act a bit different. She had come out of her ready room for a bit and then delved right back into it. A good two hours later the Captain still hid inside of that blasted room, he thought.

Chakotay had finally decided to go and ask B'Elanna when the call came over his commbadge.

"Commander may I see you in my ready room, please?"

Chakotay's heart sped up as he walked over to the doors. The chime resonated all thru him as he waited for her to allow him inside.

"Enter."

He walked in and immediately saw that she stood over by the window, facing all the planets and stars as they zoomed by. She looked over her as she walked into the room.

Chakotay stepped closer to her but out of his frame of sight he saw something that made him pale immediately. Spread open and laying atop her desk was an all too familiar book.

Kathryn was surprised by the sudden change in Chakotay but she hid it well. She had already guessed he was the writer but she still had a good dozen questions she wanted clearly up.

"I see you're familiar with this latest work of literature that's fallen into my hands." She offered a smile that failed to reach her eyes. "Commander. I need some answers."

Chakotay walked over to the nearest seat and slumped into it. Something inside of him threatened to die when he thought about what he had written but there was no way to hide from the words now.

The latest chapter, written no more than a day ago had revealed everything he wanted from her and of them.

"I pace all around my quarters each night and ponder the images my subconscious throws my way. Am almost afraid of sleeping since I dream of things I can never have.

Illusions of having her in my bed. Of waking while her back is pressed against my frame, the feel of her silk pajamas tangled between her soft thighs, of having her breast tucked into my hand as sleep lulls us. I can still smell her in my sleep.

I am tangled between want of her body and the love within my heart. As much as the physical part of me hungers to bury inside of her I also cannot imagine her living out this life without someone to cherish her. With me to love her as I know I can.

Doesn't she see the way I can barely keep my gaze off of her? If she ever knew of that picture I have of her... The one the Doctor took of us at Neelix's last party where she wore that white dress that made her look angelic. That night I dreamt of her dressed like that in a wedding. Our wedding.

I want things I cannot have with her. I need things I cannot express to her.

How much longer can I love without being loved back?"

Chakotay stared at her while she seemed to struggle to compose herself. She hadn't taken a step in his direction but he could feel her reaching out to him.

She had taken the brunt of his desires without warning and it probably was frightening the hell out of her.

Kathryn cleared her throat loudly before walking back to her desk and sitting down. One hand came to rest atop the hardcover and caressed it with an almost tender motion.

Chakotay wasn't about to apologize. He couldn't and wouldn't feel bad for wanting what any normal man would.

But he also knew he'd put her into a very difficult situation.

"Captain. Kathryn." He began to try to express himself but her eyes stopped him. She looked puzzled.

"I only want to know three things." She said.

Chakotay could only nod back.

"Number one: why was this hidden inside of a Jeffrey's tube?"

Chakotay blushed hard. "I have a habit of carrying it with me on a rare occasion whenever I'm inspired to write in it. Yesterday when B'Elanna required help with her latest project I'm afraid I must've placed it in there for safekeeping, then became so engrossed in the work that I totally forgot about it. Lately my mind has been on other things."

He could almost kick himself for that last comment. But looking at her he only saw a small blush work its way up her neck and a faint smile twitch the corner of her mouth.

"Oh. Ok." She paused before asking, "Second question: you were not in the latest warp core meeting. Why is that mentioned in there if you really weren't present?"

The sigh he let loose seemed to come from the deepest part of him. "The meeting I mentioned is from over a year ago. I started writing in it then and only write down the moments when I am overwhelmed by everything that's going on around me. This isn't the first diary that I've written about you. I actually began them the second week we met."

He noticed that the blush was gradually growing all across her cheeks. This side of her was surprisingly sweet and Chakotay was warming to the idea that she wasn't angry at him for thinking all these things.

She was silent for a handful of moments all the while looking at him. It almost seemed as if she were contemplating a step before taking it. Then finally she spoke again.

"Lastly I need to know how you feel about this." And with that she lifted the book, opened the second to last page and presented it to him. He could see that she had written an entire page to him and it intrigued him to know what it was. He noticed that her handwriting was as elegant and well sculptured as the woman was.

"Oh Chakotay, I truly hope that you are the one who has written across this book your thoughts, dreams and wants. It has been so long since I've given in to the weaknesses of being a woman before the status of Captain. Years of conditioning have prepared me for my station in life but nothing trains us for the possibility of love.

I am not the easiest woman to care for. I know I will nearly always put the needs of my crew and ship before my own. This is the price I must pay and I do it willingly.

Sometimes we'll have arguments and disagree over many things but through it all I want you to know that I do want the things you hope for. I am strong but I seek your protection with those strong arms and warm chest.

Do I dream of all the things you have wanted with me? I have.

I am still worried about protocol and the dilemmas that face us should we embark into a relationship. It won't be easy. But nothing worth fighting for rarely is.

Am I in love with you?

Even if it takes me the rest of my life I'll find someway of proving it to you.

But let me begin with a word: yes."

Chakotay's head came up the instant he finished reading, astonishment clearly written through out his features. "You love me? All it took was for the truth to be told?"

"I do love you but it took your total honesty to show me that I'm worth the fight you've been silently struggling through all this time."

She brought her palm out to him and laid it atop the desk in a silent plea for him. But instead of reaching over and taking it he got up and walked over to her side of the desk. Once there he leaned over until their faces were close and looked into her eyes. "Thank you for making me the happiest man aboard this ship. You'll never regret a moment of it. I promise."

He linked their hands, tugged until she stood up out of her seat and finally let their lips meet. The kiss they shared was erotic, sweet and full of forever.

The end.