"Christ's love is a love with no strings attached." - Elaine LNU

I have a problem.

I believe something that isn't right. Now, when you think about that statement, it's a little bizarre, isn't it? If you believe that something isn't right, don't you not believe it anymore by definition? I rather wish life were that simple. The truth is, however, that my mind doesn't work that way. I imagine most people's don't.

I was reading, this afternoon, and I came across a quote from a teenage girl in New York city by the name of Elaine. "Christ's love is a love with no strings attached." I almost read right on past that and kept going. To be honest, I did finish the chapter, but then I came back to that quote. Something about it struck me strangely. I didn't believe it. I mean, I did, but at the same time, I didn't. If I truly believed it, I think I would live my life differently.

When I was fifteen, God showed up. He poked his head in on my life and announced, "Say, Matthew? I just wanted to let you know that I really am here, that I care, and that I make a difference in the world and in the lives of individual people." At the time, that announcement saved me from a crippling depression that was winding its way towards suicide. I woke up in a hurry, and I woke up with a grin on my face when I figured out what happened. With that, I poured myself into reading the Bible and I tried to make sure to pray, too, though that was almost too abstract for me at the time. The thing is, I wanted to do it. It was sort of like Jeremiah; there was such a fire in his belly that he couldn't not do it!

Things have sort of changed, lately. In words, they haven't, but in motion, I think they have. When I think about what people need in order to be followers of Christ, I tend to set out a list of things that they need to do. It's done with the noblest of intentions, but somewhere, after you dig down far enough, I think things are a little muddled. I think the problem comes from the fact that, really, in order to know God, there are things that really need to happen. Just like in any relationship, you have to put some effort in to making things work or the relationship doesn't tend to fly much.

But somewhere, deep down, a lie creeped into my head. It was a little lie that said, "If you don't do these things, you're not as good as those who do. If you don't do these things, God won't love you." It's a weird, paradoxical feeling. On the one hand, I look at Timothy McVeigh, the Oklahoma City Bomber, and I can say without pause that God loves the man despite all the hurt that he's caused. On the other hand, I look at the accountant who comes to church with his family and even acts as the office treasurer but whose life doesn't reflect much of Christ, and I find it more difficult to say that God loves him.

Maybe what part of the problem is is how the Pharisees tend to come out in the gospel of Matthew. In this day and age, everybody hates the Pharisees. To be called a Pharisee is a pretty harsh blow in the church. Yet... Paul was a Pharisee. So was Nicodemus and, I think, Joseph of Arimathea, the men who buried Jesus. In fact, of all the groups around at the time, the Pharisees, the Sadducees, the Essenes, the Zealots, others I'm doubtless missing, and the common men, Jesus had the most in common with the Pharisees. Yet, in the book of Matthew, he frequently lambasts them. What he says has a tendency to boil down to, "You have the knowledge, and yet you're still missing everything!" Honestly, I think that's part of the key to my difficulty.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be required." (Luke 12:48, NASB) What happens when you don't meet the requirement? That, I think, might be the lock to the key I mentioned. That lie says, "Well, that's simple. God won't like them as much." I don't think the truth is that way, really. God is surely disappointed. He might even be angry. He might be fed up with things enough to hit that smite key and put you to an end. But despite all that, I think the truth is that he still does love you.

That lie is so persistent, though! And it's one that I don't think is going to disappear instantaneously. I do need to read my Bible and pray. Why? Not because I want God to not love me less, but because I want to love God more. Because it's a natural outpouring of my desire to be close to someone that is worth so much and who wants to be close to me.

It's required, but it's not a pass/fail grade. If I miss, I don't lose. I'm not knocked out of the game. God still cares. He still wants me. Warts and all. No strings attached.

- Matthew R Green 06/10/01