Popularity

OK, let's face it some people are going to be popular just because they are cute, a hunk, good at sports, or whatever. Some of those people can be stuck-up, rude, or just plain dull, but they will be popular anyway. Why? Who knows. But what about the rest of us. Most people; children, teens, or adults, don't have some built-in thing that either makes them popular or unpopular. There isn't something you can go out and buy that will change that. Sure, having the hottest car in the school may bring lots of kids around. They all want to hang out or take a ride with you; but let's get real here. YOU aren't the attraction. It's the car. They don't want to ride with you or be seen with you. They want to ride in the car and be seen with IT.

But maybe popularity isn't all it's thought to be. Maybe it is better to be a person who others simply like. Not the person everyone wants to hang with, but a person who pretty much everyone knows is nice, and a good person to have around. Maybe its better to have a few good friends, lot's of people who just think your OK, and no big time enemies. So the question is: What makes one person someone who most everybody likes and someone else a person who many people don't want to have around? Well, the answer is amazingly simple. The list below is taken from a survey of high school students who were asked what things caused them to like or not like other kids their own age. Take a look. Most of these things are things YOU can control. Think about them.

Liked	Disliked
Neat, clean, well groomed	Sloppy, dirty, unkempt
Appropriate clothes	Clothes out of style, don't fit, not appropriate, dirty
Outgoing, friendly, gets along with others	Shy, timid, withdrawn, quiet
Active, energetic	Lethargic, listless, passive
Participant in activities	Non-joiner, recluse
Good manners, conversationalist, courteous, poised, natural, tactful, can dance, play many games, sports	Loud, boisterous, ill-mannered, disrespectful, braggart, show-off, not "cool," giggles, rude, crude, tongue-tied, doesn't know how to do or play anything
Lots of fun, good sport	Real drip, poor sport
Acts age, mature	Childish, immature
Good reputation	Bad reputation
Conforming to standards of the group	Non- conforming
Kind, sympathetic, understanding	Cruel, hostile, disinterested
Cooperative, gets along well, even tempered, stable	Quarrelsome, bully, bad-tempered, domineering, sorehead
Unselfish, generous, helpful, considerate	Inconsiderate, selfish, stingy
Cheerful, optimistic, happy, pleasant	Pessimistic, complainer
Honest, truthful, fair, straightforward	Liar, cheat, unfair
Good sense of humor	Can't take a joke, son sense of humor
High ideals	Dirty minded
Self-confident, self-accepting, but modest	Conceited, vain
Good sense, intelligent	Poor judgement

So there they are, the things teens like and dislike about other teens. Sure, you can't control how tall you are, or some of the other things about what you look like. And if you are shy, it's pretty hard to just be different. And it's probably not necessary. Just be yourself. You don't have to have EVERY trait in the left column. You could be shy or maybe not know lots of games or play lots of sports, and you could still be well liked because of all the other good things about you.

This list adapted from a table in The Adolescent, Development, Relationships, and Culture, 7th editions, F. Philip Rice, Allyn and Bacon, p. 436.

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This page last modified on 08/02/99