CHAPTER TWO

TIME : Wednesday, September 10th, 1997

"How could you expect others to help you if you don't open yourself to them??" - Jacob

On a wednesday......yeah, on a wednesday, I remember, it was a B day and me and Brian were on our last class, Ecology. This was one of the days Brian was depressed, and I was mad at him. We had not spoken to each other since the class had started, which was a while. The class was ending, and he just sat there, writing notes on his notebook, looking sad and distant. It was as if he was in another world, thinking about other matters, which by some reason, he wouldn't tell me, and that frustrated me, and also angered me. He was my best friend, but I really didn't know if there was more to him than the Brian I knew and recognized as my best friend. And why would he all of a sudden start getting like this, something was happening, and I felt bad not being able to know what and therefore not being able to help my friend.

The class was long and boring and all that Ecology babble the teacher said, GOD, I was drowning. Then the bell rang, thanks god and I started to put my books away, so did Brian. While I packed my bookbag and zipped it and got up to leave, Brian had already left. I wanted to talk to him, godammit, I got my bookback and went out of the classroom. The hall was infested with people, it was so annoying, everyone shouting and cheering and laughing and cussing, usually I'd be part of it, but trying to find someone in this crowd was very annoying.

I went towards Brian's locker, there he was. "Look, what's the matter?" I asked.
He grumbled something.
"What's the matter, man??" I asked again.
"NOTHING, OK!?" He answered mad.
"C'mon, listen to yourself, I know something is up..."
He stared at me as if I was invading his life or something, a deep and penetrating look, it was kinda scary, and weird, he had never looked at me like that before.
"Guys..How's bout some hoops??" Angel Alexander said throwing a basketball at me.
"No, thanks, man" I said, catching the ball in my stomach and throwing it back at him.
"Ok, well, check you guys later, ok?" Angel said "Oh, and...are you guys going to the movies this sat? Cause the girls and me are going and they told me to tell you guys, well, later, oh, and...one more thing, Brian, cheer up man!!"
"Later.." I laughed.
Brian looked at me as if I shouldn't have laughed.
"What??" I asked frustrated.
"...Nothing" Brian said, and he sighed.
"Tell me" I said.
"ANy english homework?" Some guy asked me
"Um............Yeah, the essay on like, some historic moment" I answered.
"Isn't that for like, next Monday??" he said.
".......Yeah, it is" I said and I shrugged.

Then Brian was gone...again! godammit, I had to go to my own locker, so I couldn't go after Brian again. I went to my locker and changed books. I glanced at my watch........3:10...I thought, my brother picked me up at 3:30 since he got off school early as senior priviledge. I had to talk to Brian.

I got out of the school and went to the mall which was a block away, I knew Brian would be there. When I got to the mall, I looked at the stores Brian went to most, the music stores, the comic book store, the book store and rarely in some of the "in" clothes stores. I found Brian eating at the food center on the mall. I sat down in front of him.

"Leave me alone, I want to be alone..", that was how he greeted me.
"Well, hello to you too!" I said and I looked to the side mad, then I said "What the hell is your problem??"
"Nothing, I--" He said, but I interrupted "Yeah right, you've been acting really weird lately, I know something's up, why don't you tell me about it, ok!?!?"
"Look....I am having some problems, ok? And I don't need you, I can handle my problems by myself, so just back off!!" He said, he was getting mad.
"I want to help, god, I'm your best friend you know!" I said, thank god, we were finally getting somewhere!
Then he mumbled something, but I could hear him "You couldn't help me"
"Try me" I said.
"No" He replied.
"You're impossible! I know you're used to handling your problems by yourself and not telling anyone, but believe me, you can't handle everything by yourself, you need a friend and that's what I'm trying to tell you, that's what I'm here for!! You....you just can't lock yourself from everyone else cause that affects you and it affects everyone around you!! How can you expect others to help you if you don't open yourself to them?? How can you expect ME to help you???" I stood up and I looked at him, letting him know that I was very serious about this.

He stood up as if to confront me, I knew I had gotten to him, and now he was very mad. "I don't expect you to help me Jacob...." He said, then he pointed at all the other people who were eating, "I don't expect you OR anyone else to help me!" Then he picked up his bookbag and left, leaving everything on his table a mess. I put my hands on the sides of the small squared table and lowered my head, and I sighed.

I glanced at my watch.....3:27, oh god, I was late, I had to go! When I got to school my brother was already waiting for me. When I opened the door and got in, he looked at me mad and said "3:30...". I didn't care, if he only knew what I had gone through, but I'm sure he wouldn't give a shit.

I got home, I went upstairs to my room, threw my bookbag and jumped in the bed. I gazed at the roof, and thought....Why was Brian avoiding me, I mean, was it something THAT bad that he couldn't tell me??. I decided I'd try not to bother him about it anymore, I mean, if he didn't want to talk about it, then that's fine with me. I had to do something to get this out of my mind, so I picked up the phone and dialed Lily's phone number.

"Hello..." She answered.
"Hey!" I said.
"Hey, Jacob, shouldn't you be doing your essay?" she asked me, and I knew she was smiling.
"I just took a break cause I needed to hear your voice" I said smiling.
"You don't even believe that yourself, you're not doing the essay, I know you, you leave everything for the last minute" she said.
"You know me too good, but I did need to hear your voice." I said
"You're so sweet" she said.
"Yeah, I know, that's what I tell myself all the time!" I said and I laughed
She laughed, "What about me?"
"Well you are, almost, if not a little bit less sweet than me" I said and I smiled.
"Thanks......I guess." she said.
"Well, anyway, Angel said something about the movies on Sat." I said.
"Oh yeah, well, we're all going to the movies, I want you and Brian to come" she said.
"Well, I was kinda hoping we could....I mean, like, we, not with the others, like you and me, maybe go out on friday night" I said, I couldn't help but sound nervous. I was nervous about what she'd say.
"Like on a date?" she sounded doubtful.
"Yeah, I mean, no, I mean, like, just go out..together, like, usual, I mean.....................yeah, like on a date..." I bet she noticed the fear of rejection in my voice.
"Sure" she said.
"On friday?" I asked.
"Friday night" she said.
"For real!?" I said excited.
"For real" she said.
There was silence for a while..........then she said "Well, Jacob, I'm sorry but I have to get back to my essay"
"Well, ok!!" I replied, I was really happy!
"Bye" she said.
"Bye!" I said.
I hung the phone, I actually got a date with her! Oh my god, I was really excited, I had to tell someone...but who would I tell, I mean, usually I'd tell Brian, but............oh, I picked up the phone and dialed Brian's phone number......it ringed twice and Brian's mother, Kate, picked it up... "Good afternoon..." she said.
"Hello, Kate, is Brian home?" I asked.
"Hello Jacob, yes, Brian is upstairs in his room, hold on, let me call him.." she said.
"ok" I answered.

I heard her call out for Brian a couple of times until he picked it up, then she hung up.
"You again?? I told you to leave me alone" he said.
"No wait, Brian, I decided to leave you alone--" I said, but he interrupted me saying "Well??"
"I got a date with Lily!" I said finally.
"Oh, well, cool" he said.
"that's all you're gonna say? you know I've been trying to get one for a while!" I said.
"Look, I'm not in the mood...sorry, we'll talk later" He said.
"Well....bye man" I said.
"Bye" he said, then he hung up.

I hunged up the phone as well, my excitement was gone, I had no one to tell and it was no fun. Again, I was worried about Brian....................I decided I should do something besides being here. I went downstairs and open the fridge, I took out a green apple. Then I went back upstairs, went into my parents' room and sat on the bed to watch TV. I watched 'Daria' on MTV for a while, then I fell asleep, and didn't wake up till night.

The next day, Brian was more friendly, it was morning and classes had not yet started. He showed me a poem he had written, I read it, it was titled 'Inside Myself' and this is how it went :

INSIDE MYSELF

Blue sky,
Dark nights.
I can't think,
I can't sleep.

Storms inside my head,
I'm trapped within myself.
The lonelyness I feel,
feels like it has no heal.

Outside is fine,
inside's hell,
nobody's there,
I can't be well.

It was short, but strong. "You wrote this man?" I asked.
"Yeah" he said and smiled as if he was proud.
"It's cool...but...why did you write it?" I asked.
"I dunno, I guess...I felt like it..." he said.
"Well, it's really neat.." I said and I smiled, I was a bit worried about him writing this, but he was my friend and I wasn't gonna make a big deal about this.

The bell rang, Brian and me got our bookbags and went upstairs, our classrooms were on the second floor of the school, it had three floors, pretty big school. Then we greeted Sheila, Kat, Lily and Angel A.
"Hey Brian, hey Jacob" said Kat.
We greeted the girls and and handshaked Angel.
"Wassup?" I asked.
"You going on a date with Lily??" KAt replied. Lily glanced at Kat "Kat!" she said.
"Sorry" Kat said.
I smiled, "Yes, we are."
Lily smiled at me.
"I wrote a poem," Brian said and took out his notebook and handed it to the girls, "read." The girls read.
"Check it out, yesterday, me and Chris creamed Charli and Jonathan!" Angel said.
"Really, how much??" I asked.
"16 to 8" he laughed.
"Cool man, sorry I couldn't play" I said.
"That's ok, yo, tomorrow's practice for the team, you better come" he said.
"Oh, I will" I said.
"Wow, Brian, this is really wonderful." Lily said.
"Thanks" Brian said and smiled.
"Well, classes are gonna start and I haven't changed books!" I said.
"Ok, later" Sheila said.
"Bye" I said.
"Bye Brian" she said.
"Bye" Brian said.

Everyone said goodbye and Brian and me went to our lockers. Then we went to Art Class which was our first class that day. In art class, we were painting with watercolors, I was painting a lake with some mountains and Brian was painting a sunset at the beach, we weren't really very artistic, but this was fun.

"Yours is coming along really good" I said to Brian.
"Really?" he asked and looked at his painting with his head a bit bent and his brush on his right hand.
"Yeah, I love the sky," I said, pointing at the sky and circling it without touching the painting "the violet mixing with the red and orange here...looks really neat." He gazed at me as if I had just gone totally insane, then he turned serious, looked at his painting, and lowered and shaked his head, as if something about him had bothered him.

"What?" I asked.
"Nothing" he said, and he started painting again.
"Ok......" I said, and started painting again as well.