mar15/00 - core, pd6
1. according to weil what is the spiritual significance or benefilt of work particularily manual drugery.
2. compare weils writing (mysticism) to camus myth of sisyphus.
"no, of course not stephanie. you're far too perky." mr.r.

lethargy - crushing force of univers. engage universe - art, science, work.
1. cycle of work and food - contains finality - containes truth. lives pointless. in that pointlessness is our salvation.
2. weil much more mystical. pointlessness of work. happiness admist the pointlessness.

they are very close to something true. very close. something incomprehensible.

mar17/00 -12.00am ish. They're on the computer.. watching tv. how strange. i'm in bed. speaking of strange. bras...... what's up with those things. thought of kissing her goodbye before leaving the car, seemed appropriate for a friday night, you didn't drive me home... you usually do. I have an hour and a half until i have to be here. sleep rather than sleep.
i once narrowed it down to a choice between brushing my teeth and suicide. so i went to bed. which, at the time, amounted to the same thing. think...know... they were crying as i left. i weep for her. i mourn for her. i reek of smoke.
how'd i get into that scene. it's everywhere, not really very hard. but i forgive you and i love you and i ha-a-a-a-a-a-ate you.


"Onc of the worst consequences of taking epistemological nihilsm seriously is that it has led some to question the very facticity of the universe. To some, nothing is real, not even themselves. People who reach this state are in deep trouble, for they can no longer function as human beings. Or, as we often say, they can't cope.
We usually do not recognize this situation as metaphysical or epistemological nihilsm. Rather, we call it schizophrenia, hallucination, fantasizing, daydreaming or living in a dream world. And we "treat" the person as a "case," the problem as a "disease." I have no particular quarrel with doing this, for I do believe in the reality of an external world, one I hold in common with others in my space-time frame. Those who cannot recognize this are beyond coping. But while we think of such situations primarily in psychological terms and while we commit such people to institutions where someone will keep them alive and others will hep them return from their inner trip and get back to waking reality, we should realize that some of these far-out cases may be perfect examples of what happens when a person no longer knows in the commonplace way of knowing. It is the "proper" state, the logical result, of epistemological nihilism. If I cannot know then any perception or dream of image or fantasy becomes equally real or unreal. Life in the ordinary world is based on our ability to make distinctions. Ask the man who has just swallowed colorless liquid which he thought was water but was actually wood alcohol."
-janes w. sire - the universe next door.


i thought i could organize freedom, how scandinavian of me.......



well damn. happiness without forgetting, happiness without forgetting, happiness without forgetting, happiness without forgetting.... he said nothing about escapism.
i need a guru.... still.

kc mar20/10.00pm

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