Jeremy's Poetry


All poems ©opywrite 2000 Jeremy Redinger. All Rights reserved.

BlindSight
Crying Night
Glide
Home In My Own
I Challenge Life
I don't Know
Inside
Love Is
My Love
Your Scent

Blind Sight

The world is cold and dark,
The void of night surrounds me;
One must close their eyes to see.

Wonder,
how odd,
So clear-
I find my way through the...
Dark?

How dark could it be?
I can see, no... Feel, everything around me.
Amazing is the world,
When you look upon it with new eyes.
But how so?
No eyes are present,
I can touch - FEEL - the world around me;
Eyes hold no place in this extravigant experience.

Blind sight shows the world in a new...
no-
Light is not the word,
But this is not for words to describe;
To reach out with emotion,
With your inner being
And truely know the world around you...
There is no beauty greater.

Life abroad-
The world casts itself onto you,
Into you.
One with the world
One with the night,
"Part of something greater than yourself"?
Yes!
That is so.
Such a phrase holds a place here-
but not in it's vague, intangivle context;
I am part of the world!
THere is no feeling like it-
Short of love.
Belittling-
It's almost frightening the size the world is...
Not for the feint of heart.
Oh but how magnifiscent,
I wish for all to sense such extraordinary wonder.

Oh, but an empty wish may not need to be so,
One with an open mind and soul may see.
Maybe many,
Maybe few,
I leave these words unto you.

Behold beauty beond that which sight can see,
Just close your eyes, and let your spirit free.
                                      Jeremy Redinger
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Crying Night

I look at the moon in the sky,
I get down on my knees and cry, cry, cry,
I have no control,
No past,
No future,
I barely am
I look deep in my heart for an answer,
But all I see is an endless unfilled void.
I call to the night,
But there is no answer,
And this emptiness won't leave me alone.

All of a sudden I heard a Whimper,
(Other than myself)
Could the night feel my emptiness, my Void.
Could the night feel my pain, my sadness.
No, it couldn't have
The night can't feel (can it?)
I curled up in an alley,
Beside a dumpster,
And I, cry, cry, cry.
                                      Jeremy Redinger
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Glide

Music rides the wind of life,
Let it be your chariot;
Smell the sounds of the rainbow,
Whisper the calling of your heart below your breath,
seek the solution to that which holds no answer
And find one.

Words cannot explain that which is held deep,
they never could, no sight or sound could.
Taste the tears as they roll down your face,
and know their bitterness;
Tears are more than that,
They reflect what is held inside,
Spawned by the very thing that no words could describe.

Hold nothing back
Let it all come out
If you try to suppress it then it shall linger on,
and remain as a thorn in ones heart.
Search for meaning, Search for nothing.
Seek the solution and find an unspoken answer.
Let things make sense and understand the calm,
Know the silence.

Peace, Love the peace.
Peace brought by music, peace brought by silence.
Lay back and feel the words
Lay back and know nothing.

Emotion is never there unless you feel it.
Spewing itself from your heart.
The flow of the waters calm the sea;
The current changes with those who stand against it.

Fall down... Just fall;
and keep falling.
Don't fall, float.
Sink deeper and deeper into the air,
and breath yourself out.
Feel yourself no more
and only what you've become,
one with the sky, one with the wind.
Ride the wind
And let the music take you away.
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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Home In My Own

Here I am,
Words of emotion sitting at the ball of my pen,
Draining from my hand and fingertips.
I touch my face,
So soft, so comforting,
I'm content,
And yet sadly depressed.

Feelings I haven't felt in years,
Emotions long forgotten,
It's almost nostalgic;
The way things used to be...

I feel good;
The soft smile that trails accross my face,
The slow rhythm of the letters as they flow from my pen.
Emotionless, with all the emotion in the world.
No sense,
But maybe that is as it should be.

So very sad and hurt,
So inexplicably happy in the way I feel;
Caged in a world of my own,
One I spent years trying to break free of.
It's not the most wonderful place in the world,
But it feels like home.

That's the way things are sometimes I guess;
I still want what I always have,
But I'm content with things as they are.
I think that's how life is supposed to be,
And if that is so then I am content.
Life is as it should be,
I am happy for that,
And I am happy for me. 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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I Challenge Life

I challenge Life,
In a world of masked illusion,
With fake visions of perception,
I challenge life to defy me.

I challenge life,
In a world untamed in shame,
With wicked shrines of uncertainty,
I defy life to grasp me.

I challenge life,
In a world of a thousand paths,
With the relics of pain and misfortune calling from all corners,
I defy life to force me.

I challenge life,
In a world of helplessness
, With the plague of ignorance and stubborness in this world,
I defy life to stop me.

I challenge life,
In a world where it's 'life' that holds us back,
With it's web of time, knowledge, and emotion...
I'll endure life's battle and become who I was meant to be.

Myself.
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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I Don't Know

I don't know that I've touched the depths of depression,
I don't know that I've even expirienced depression at all.
I don't know if what I speak of in my poetry is true,
I don't know weather I lie or tell the truth with my words.

I don't know that it makes much difference either,
Because I don't speak what I know....
I speak what I feel deep within the humanity I call "Me". 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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Inside

Behind my eyes
lies a world of darkness
A world of pain.
A cloud of betrayal lingers in my heart,
About a mounain of hate and anger.

Alone,
Fear possesses my heart in this capsule of darkness.
Nothing surrounds me,
Nothing is there
Only the beast that lashes out at me,
The beast that is me.

True pain from the outside is unknown to me,
I've never felt it coming from the outside.
But the pain I've inflicted upon myself,
That I am no alien to.
I still pain myself for the things I could not control.
I still pain myself for my shortcomings
I pain myself with the bones of the skeletons
That I have stuffed deep within my darkest closet.

Up in the clouds,
That is where my heart is
Clouds filled with deceit and anguish,
Choking the life out of me with each breath I take.
It constricts me,
contracting the world around me.

My world is that of hate,
Nights filled with anger and sadness.
Death seems like the only answer,
But my heart is too good to accept it.
I spew the idea from my mind,
only to have it brought back again.
Confusion is the life force of my world,
and is what has caused me to learn so much so quickly.

Times keep getting rougher and rougher behind these bars,
The clouds of life holding me in.
I fear I may never get out...

----------------

... Getting out.
A dream I held long ago.
And I don't know exactly when it happened
Or if I got any help getting here.
Maybe my course had been set from the start.
Or maybe I was meant to drift with the wind.
Of it all, I just know these very few things.

Behind my eyes
Lies a world of light,
A world of happiness.
A cloud of trust and contentment surrounds
A mountain of kindness and joy.

Here with me,
Is that for which I have longed for so long.
My fears have passed, only to leave passion.
I feel my best friend,
The person who comforts me when I'm down
and motivates me when I have doubts.
I have myself in my world of joy.

Pain I have felt.
But leave it in the past.
I am happy to do so, for now I have more than me.
Bringing me from the depths of darkness
Is the world I longed for.
Even if you didn't know you had,
Your kindness brought me happiness.
I love myself.
I love you.
I love.

The clouds are bright again,
and my heart still lies there.
But there in the clouds lies hope,
Hope for my heart.
Hope for my life.
My heart holds in it trust,
Trust for itself,
And trust for the world.
It shall give.

Mountains of kindness
I give each day,
With a smile held on my face.
A nod I give in greeting
Just my way of saying hi
and good day to you.
I try to give the joy that is new to me
The joy I have found somewhere in my struggles.
My dreams, have become my joys.

Dreams, They can come true.
I've learned that now.
So I have a dream, a dream for the world.
I dream that I could spread the happiness and joy I have found
With the people who helped give it to me.
I dream that I could speak to people,
And that they would listen.
That I could give back.
For I love you, with my heart of peace.
So hear me, and joy and peace shall be yours. 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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Love Is

I now know what love is.
I was close before,
But my imagination saw perfection.
Love is not.

I know what love is
Because I know how close it is to hate;
I can now taste hate creeping up in the back of my throat
When she is here,
But I do not hate her.

She taught me the pain in love,
She did not love me the way I wanted to love her.
A dream I had was coming to an end.
But that's not the whole story;
For if being hurt was the story
Most all people would know what love IS.

When I was younger
Depression was my best friend.
I held no one dear,
Save my Mother.
I spent years trying to turn myself into the perfect guy,
One who would care,
One who could love.

I was shy then,
And I refused to admit that girls were undoubtably interested.
I couldn't believe that something like that could be true.
I later discovered that I suffer from being too humble about myself,
I may brag about how I know many things,
And that I'll always be there to help,
But when it comes down to it I only expect people to see
A large smelly pile of bullshit,
Be it so or not.

Since I held myself away from love
In what I would later call my "Invisible Bars"
I began to mesh the things I lacked,
And emulated what I called Love.
I was not far off,
But I did not include the bitter side of love.

When people think Bitter Sweet
We think Gumdrops and Lolliepops,
At least I do.
But most literally Bittersweet is the best way to discribe love,
The way it stirs up your emotions
And lets you taste how bitter they are.

I used to think that all human beings held the same goal,
To become better human beings.
This girl taught me that I was severely wrong.
Her goal was to get the most out of life,
Squeeze every drop from the lemon that is ours.
She makes a valuable point in such.
We are given knowledge
And must make decisions based upon what we know.
She learned that she only had one life,
Only one time in the drivers seat,
And she chose to try and get all she could out of the ride.

She taught me how to embrace the pain of ignorance.
The little things I had ignored over the years,
That showed she was right,
And I was wrong.
Wrong about my base, my structure, my foundation.
I collapsed under the weight of what I know,
But much of what I know still remains.
Still, now I must rebuild my foundation before I can continue.
And I do not hate her for it.

I tell you,
I love her.
With hate creaping up in my throat like the morning after new years,
She completes a portion of me,
But is not mine to have.
There are many out there who are to become parts of me and my life,
Not just the one with the biggest piece of me,
The one who truly does hold my heart.
I saw that the girl I fell for had a piece,
And I undoubtably thought it was the big one.
It took a while, but she finally handed it over,
And I saw it for what it really was.
A jagged edged piece of my very humanity,
Torn from me at birth.
And I love her for giving it to me,
In a way that can only be felt.

To her I say,
Hold no worries,
I love you as one loves a cat,
For you are set in your ways
Higher than everyone else,
And cares for nothing but the people closest to you;
And still you I love.
I hate your approach to life,
And I am no longer very attracted to you physically...
But inside you are tender and good,
And I gladly call you a friend.

So I say,
the love I feel is not encompassed in this poem,
Only the directions I drew as I went along
And the descriptions I made along the way.
I tell you now, This is not love,
For love is different for us all;
Seek it out,
And let it become a part of you;
For love grants you a better understanding of life. 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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My Love


With the smell of precious flowers dancing in the air,
I gaze upon the one who has set my soul free from it's shackles
And sit in awe of her utter tranquility.

I care no more for my own well being;
The taste of food no longer satisfies my hunger,
A gallon of water could not quench my thirst.
Quakes aroar and tornadoes blasting,
Lightning strikes the ground beneath me and the earth thunders in pain,
And still I could only occupy myself with that which is contained
Within her heart;
I am no longer afraid for myself,
But only for her.

Now in life I care for myself only because she does,
Because she in turn loves me...
Every thought that enters my head
Considers the effect it may have on her.
My life is not my own anymore,
My soul is her possession,
And I fear no abuse;
She is in this love with me as well,
Always desiring that my heart contains happiness.

And so we live,
With my heart in her hands,
Her heart in mine.
Every moment of every day now
My heart no longer beats on it's own;
Gently she squeezes,
Life blood cycling my veins.
I could go on forever,
Her heart in my palm
Letting my love beat sweet life into her body.

No longer it seems are we our own people,
As I have forfieted my soul,
And she has taken it into her arms.
She too has lost the need and desire to care for herself,
And so I have taken it upon myself to love and cherish it.
It is an endless loop,
What happens in her life circulates into me,
And with it's effect on me it bleeds back into her.
I don't think I would have it any other way.

In the end I would give up everything, Anything, For her.
I would give my life to protect her,
And it's not important that she would do the same for me;
Time could go on forever,
And in the end she would be my only care in the world.
 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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Your Scent


Daily life eludes me,
I seek the simple pleasures.
Ones of entrancement,
Ones of emotion.

A cool breeze brushes accross my face
And I am left with the scent of love.
I search relentlessly for the source,
Believing undoubtably
My search will yeild the source of my passions.

Nowhere to be found,
The ominous smell flees me;
I'm left alone,
A brief summon I have called.

Alas it is gone,
In truth as are you;
Gone in body.
Gone in presence.

I am left with memory,
Deep, Passionate memory;
Memory with such emotionale
That it could only be evoked by a sweet familiar smell.

Missing you with lustful eyes,
With a heart of adoration and unconditional love,
Times come to pass on occasion
When a wish to have you near brings that solemn scent;
Your majestic aroma.

I am filled with what I have longed for;
Memories so real I can almost touch you.
There is the sweet taste,
Your sweet lips pressed gently to mine,
Kissing away my wounds of sadness,
And stealing the dark blood of those helpless feelings,
Of being alone. 
                                    
                                  Jeremy Redinger
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