Hi Sue,
  Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

  We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose  which  is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

   What I do,  when I get to the bottom and start working,  is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm  water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.

   Everything was going well until all of a sudden,  my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

    Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

    This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my  back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched  what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive  supervisor of  my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers were laughing  hysterically.

   Needless to say I  aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totalling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.

    I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My  suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears  of  laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told  me to shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. 

   The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been  prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.

   Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think  of me. Think about how much worse your day  would be if you were to shove a  jellyfish up  your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office.  But  if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable.