The Ovine File

By Mack & Tosh


Okay, I’ve fucking had it.  Whether or not Bill put his dick in Monica is irrelevant.  I’m going to assume that he did, and I know that I may be going way out on a very thin limb here to say it, but I feel I must (God, am I full of shit tonight or what?).  I furthermore will assume that it was consensual.  The leaks that have appeared in paper (thanks for the impartiality, Ken) also seem to point that no direct cover-up was initiated.  It was a mutual agreement that discretion be the better part (in this case, probably the best part) of intercourse.
She claims that they boned, but the leaks are inconclusive as to whether or not they actually did or not.  If it was an "oral only" relationship, he may not even be in trouble.  Bill maintains that he had no sexual relations with Monica.  Bill, and I’m not shitting you, does not consider a hummer to be sexual relations.  He must have forgotten what it was like to get one as a fifteen year old boy, but that is again irrelevant.
So he’ll skate, and she’ll get a book deal worth about $10 million. Again all of this is irrelevant.
Fundamentally I’ve got a couple of questions I need answered, and will address them to the responsible parties.
Bill, next to MicroBill, you’re the most powerful man in the world. You can have ANYONE you want...why her?  You had to have seen the Pamela/Tommy video...what are ya thinkin’ big boy?  Secondly, why does the pee-pee need to play so much?  After all, YOU married Hillary. Was it just an attractive merger, or were you actually attracted to her back then?  I mean you said you didn’t inhale, but that’s about the only way I could see hooking up with her. Thirdly, you boned Monica under your own roof, with the SS right there. Bill, you’re a Rhodes Scholar, and for the life of me, I can’t accept that you’d be as stupid to believe that no one would talk about this.  Fourthly, after Paula, did you think that it was okay to try and nail your staff?  Did you think that what happened with her (the media circus) would end with her? See question #2 above.  Fifth, do you remember those words, "‘til death do us part"...that whole commitment thing?  By nailing everything with three holes, you’re playing into the hands of the Right.  It’s fucking up your agenda, tame as it now is.
Monica, I know you really want to advance your career and all, but why him?  With all of the buffed bucks on the presidential detail, you decide to put HIS dick in your mouth?  C’mon sister, have some pride, aim high (and if he would have, they wouldn’t be able to test the dress). Why did you keep all of this shit (the dress, the tape, the momentos) if you weren’t planning on using them against him in the future?  What future do you think you have now?  Government service is out, except on the campaign trail this year and in ‘00 for the Republican party.  The corporate world is no different.  They’ll expect you to do the same thing you did with Bill over and over and over again.  Lastly, spitters never win, and winners never spit.
Ken do you even remember Whitewater?  Are you now going to move to determine whether or not he wipes his ass in the correct manner? How big of a book deal have YOU negotiated for yourself?  Do you look in the mirror and understand why 95% of Americans have a complete and utter distaste for anyone in the legal profession?  With all of the problems controlling leaks in your office, have you thought about trying Depends? I mean who needs a fair trial?  As long as it undermines the election in November you’ve done your job.  It doesn’t matter that this deal is fucking us up globally, and is hindering our growth on domestic and international issues.  God, Ken, you are my hero.
Orin, buddy.  Why do you have such a hard-on to see Bill hang?  Okay, he may have lied under oath.  MAY HAVE!!!  That judgment is based on what you consider "sexual relations."  I understand that in Utah fellatio is still criminalized (as it also is in California) as are many other "liberal" personal practices.  The President does need to set an example for the country, but if my suspicions are correct, well over half our country is engaged in similar behavior.  They are now probably are breathing a heavy sigh of relief knowing that they are not alone in their infidelity.  Your motivation is now coming across more and more as having a political motivation.  The puritanical stance that you have adopted is ludicrous.  The reality is that if you’re in DC and you’re not compromising your ethics, you have no real power in the first place.  Face it, politicians are elected because they sell the public what they want to buy.  When congresspersons take office, their election platform goes straight out the window in an unending series of compromises predicated by lobbyists and other special interests which keep the re-election wheels greased with the long green.  I know this may not seem like a significant issue to you Orin, because getting re-elected in Utah has to be the biggest challenge since we invaded Grenada, but take a look around you.  Do you honestly think that your GOP pals aren’t doing the same thing that Bill has done repeatedly?  His real problem is that he keeps getting caught.  What is your crusade doing to the country that you have been elected to serve?  Where is the hue and cry that should accompany such a huge moral transgression as what Bill and Monica have done?  59% of Americans believe that Bill will tell the truth to the Grand Jury on 17 August, and well over 75% of the country believes they boned.  Why are his acceptability figures so high?  Think about it, he’s become the poster child for extra-marital affairs.  Why don’t you attack his weak international trade policies, or his even weaker defense policies?
Okay America...you’re up.  BAA FUCKING RAM EWE!!!!!!!!!!!!  We are the reason that this has blown up.  We’re fascinated by it. Why?  The media only will broadcast what we want to watch.  If we didn’t want to see it (much like the OJ nightmare) then coverage would not be dominating the airwaves.  Are our lives so pathetic that we have to watch other people going through the hell that Monica and Bill have just so that we have something interesting to watch at dinner time? Yeah, I’m a little cynical, but based on what I’ve seen as an adult in the last 15 years, I’m convinced that we are a morally corrupt culture that stands high on the soapbox of denial proclaiming truth and virtue to the rest of the world. If I’m off base here, then why do we tolerate this unicorn of a President?  The ladies have to be thinking that maybe they’ll be next, while the guys are looking to pick up pointers from the guy.  Given that the great majority of us are involved in an affair of some sort, what’s our problem?  Oh, he’s done a great job with the economy.  Okay so as long as we’re making money, it doesn’t matter that our values are being shot away from under our feet?  I’m betting that it’s not really that big of an issue with us or we wouldn’t have re-elected the guy in ’96.  Or maybe we secretly identify with the guy.  How many of you have not wanted to get on someone at your office?  If you’ve even thought about it you’re already guilty.  Half of us are boning around on our spouses, while the other half think about it daily but are just too chicken shit to do anything about it.  And how many in the first group, given the pressure that Bill has received, would not risk telling a white lie to save ourselves from the nightmare of community property litigation? Does pointing fingers at the guy make us feel less guilty about what we’re doing away from home?  If you’re not in love with your spouse, then leave.  If you still are, then why are you screwing around in the first place?  People change, and I understand that, but Christ either make it work, or go and end the charade before it starts fucking up your kids.
Chelsea, I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with a father that can’t keep his johnson in his pants long enough to count to ten.  I’m sorry that we as citizens are putting you through this.  I hope you and Mom are hanging out this summer, and can let the media do to your dad what he has done to everything in a skirt for the last 20 years.
Hillary, are you Tammy fucking Wynette or what?  I admire your commitment to the guy, but straight up, you’re getting played sister.  January 22nd 2000, I hope you go out and get yourself a great divorce attorney and fuck the guy to the wall for all he’s worth for what he’s put you through in the last eight years.
We expect our Presidents to be good solid family people.  Unfortunately, much of the time that means marrying people that look good on a campaign poster, and not tied up on a four-poster bed.
He is also under tremendous temptation all the time.  He is surrounded by cute young women that want to do nothing but win his approval.  And yes some people succumb to this temptation.  Presidential infidelity is as new as the job itself.  The guy (just guys so far) has the most fucked up job in the world, and if he needs a release then fine. If busting a nut helps calm him down and allows him to focus on the needs of the country, then so be it.
Kennedy did it.  Jimmy admitted to it in his heart. Dick was too paranoid to even think about it, and was probably a closet case like Hoover anyway.  Ford, eh, the guy probably tried, but I’m betting just couldn’t put biscuit in the basket.  LBJ, Ronnie and George were a little past their prime, and were out shopping for red ‘Vettes instead (Viagra wasn’t around in those days).
It would be ideal if these guys could marry women that they loved and that satisfied them sexually so there would be no need for the extramarital stuff.  But what is left as an option?  If the guy stayed single because he couldn’t find the right woman (or man--Heaven forbid if we ever elected a qualified female or gay president) and was openly boning everything in high heels, I think public opinion would be even harsher.  He’d be some kind of promiscuity symbol for the Right.  They’d start calling him the Playboy President or something.   If he stayed married, and instead started masturbating there’d probably be some kind of national backlash against jerking off as well.  Again the hypocrisy of the public would be driving this movement.  So what’s left for the guy to do?  What would you do?
Personally, I have a problem with him fucking around on Hill, and not getting a divorce.  If he’s not in love with her, than they should split up. I think that would send a stronger and more appropriate message to America than him fucking around on the sly does.  Then again I'm not in his shoes, and don't know what he still feels for her. If he broke the law, then he needs to face the consequences.
I’m just sick of the hype, the hypocrisy, and the bullshit associated with the case.  Let thee without sin cast the first stone.  Somebody famous said that once I think.

Baa, Ram, Ewe
Hugs and Kisses--Rox

 

Eh...I'm Pretty Bored, No One I Know Is On-Line
Lemme See What Else Pisses This Guy Off

I'm Sick Of Your Cynical Bitter Perspective
Take Me Back To The Truth

Mail any comments to Baldy at:
© 1998 roxuranus@yahoo.com
 

Counter

Wolves Have Descended Upon The Flock

 Home    The Topic Of The Week    Views Of Your World    Mental Subversion  Pure Running Sap

 The Pompous Bastard    The First Folio    The Geek Page    Friends Of The Truth
1