The Characteristics of Healthy Belonging

by Brenda Schaefer




The Characteristics of Healthy Belonging

from "Is it Love or is it Addiction?"



People in healthy relationships have the following characteristics:



*     They allow for individuality.

*     They experience both oneness with and separateness from a partner.

*     They bring out the best qualities in a partner.

*     They accept ending.

*     They experience openness to change and exploration.

*     They invite growth in the other partner.

*     They experience true intimacy.

*     They feel the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.

*     They experience giving and receiving in the same way.

*     They do not attempt to change or control the other.

*     They encourage self-sufficiency of partners.

*     They accept limitations of self and partner.

*     They do not seek unconditional love.

*     They accept commitment.

*     They have a high self-esteem.

*     They trust the memory of the beloved; enjoy solitude.

*     They express feelings spontaneously.

*     They welcome closeness; risk vulnerability.

*     They care with detachment.

*     They affirm equality and personal power of self and partner.



– Brenda Schaefer, 1987

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