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For all my recent bitching and complaining, I have lately begun to appreciate this place a little more. We have been shipping and flying poor Military Police and Infantry and Cavalry guys out left and right lately, and it really sucks to be them. It's 10:45 p.m. right now, and there's still a gang of people in this building working, and they're probably all as tired as I am, though I really feel like I've been dragged backwards through a wet hedge with a paper bag over my head.
Keris is doing well, no illnesses lately thank the gods, and she's sleeping better at night. She is getting into temper tantrum age, though, and it's gotten interesting a few times. She threw her first ever falling-down and screaming public fit the other day in the Post Exchange while I was trying to buy her new clothes... I know, poor me, my daughter waited until she was 17 months old to be anything but charming in the presence of other people. She does it at home, but she's remarkably well-behaved in public. Usually. I'm so spoiled.
I am feeling like a crappy mom though, because she's so independent now. I feel like all I'm there for is to reach the snacks on the shelf when it's too high. She plays by herself, she "reads" to herself, she can turn on the TV and the VCR, put a tape in, and hit play, and she can open the refrigerator by herself. Whenever she comes to me I stop what I'm doing and respond to her, and I try to make eye contact when she talks, and pick her up when she seems to want it, but she usually just goes off on her own, checking in with me every once in a while, usually by asking for "tea" (our code word for nursing). I feel like we should be playing together more, but I don't want to crowd her or hold her back or cling either, and it's been a tremendous source of guilt, confusion,and frustration for me lately. I feel like a rotten mom in spite of the fact that she doesn't seem to be feeling neglected or brushed aside, she's as outgoing and active as ever (well, not when she's planted in front of the Teletubbies, but hell, I have to cook dinner sometime...)
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