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My daughter hasn't been sleeping well this whole week, and since we share a bed, I haven't either, and since I can't take naps during the day, I've been getting crankier and crankier. Last night she woke up about midnight with her nose so stuffed up she could hardly eat, and it kept her from getting back to sleep for hours -- she'd drift off, and wake up again a few minutes later crying her head off. She was miserable and hungry and tired as hell, but she just couldn't sleep, and it was driving me insane because I am seriously sleep deprived at this point. So I ended up fussing at the poor kid, saying, "Stop crying, you're making it worse!" and "Go to sleep, PLEASE go to sleep!" We finally went back to sleep after the medicine I gave her kicked in (because everybody knows the first resort, saline nose drops, only aggravate the problem by freaking kids out and making them cry more) but when I woke up this morning I felt AWFUL. I can't believe I was almost yelling at the poor child, who was miserable and confused and didn't like the situation any more than I did... I feel rotten, and that's the only time I ever really fuss at her, and it's terrible, because it's not her fault. So I'm giving myself the Rotten Mom Award today. The only other times I raise my voice at her are when she yanks my glasses off my face (which hurts and is great fun for her) or when she pinches me when she's nursing (which is also great fun for her, and is agonizing) -- and I can't seem to get it through her head that "no" is not a joke. I save "no" for important or dangerous things, like hurting someone or playing with things that plug into the wall, and I try to explain what the "no" is for ("It hurts Mommy when you pinch.") But she always smiles really big when I say it, and I don't feel good about swatting her on the bottom or slapping her hand, so I just try to stop her or distract her from what she's doing. So maybe she smiles because when I say "no" it means undivided attention from me. I just don't know what else to do, and she's only nine months old, so my discipline options are kind of limited. If I can just remind myself when I start to lose my cool that a couple of hours of sleep are nothing compared to my baby's emotional and physical well-being, then I can stop taking it out on the poor child. What to do about the pinching and the wall outlets, I don't know.
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