Trust One

Trying to understand how trust develops leads one to so much practical living content that is seems rather difficult to sort and select issues from situations. One experiences as he/she goes and learns about trust on the run usually. We relate to others as we learn what our relationships produce for us. Sometimes we find our trust is not returned appropriately. This seems to be most true in reference to trust and the building of trust bonds within a relationship. one of our favorite authors, Jesse Lair, describes trust as a self fulfilling prophecy, which is further described as saying you get as much trust as you give. This comes about by first learning about yourself, then secondly, determining your own willingness to accept certain things about others. Lair states that trust is really acceptance carried to an extreme. We have to first learn to accept ourselves, or at least the part of the self that we can see and understand, learn to trust ourselves, and then we are ready to trust others. Not altogether a simple process. Before trust between any persons can develop, each has to have some conception of where each stands on elemental concerns. (Note: We are talking here about an adult to adult relationship primarily, but the same is true in a child/ adult or parent relationship. So many factors in child growth and development compound these problems so we will restrict our discussion to adult situations.) The way to best achieve optimal trust is to clearly state and describe existing expectations, needs, readiness, motives and desired outcomes. In other words, you have to lay your full agenda on the line. This is the basic reason for having to know yourself first. If you mislead one whose trust you are hoping to develop, or another person misleads you when trying to show you he is trustworthy, you quickly return to point zero. The major element of trust is clear understanding and knowledge of the limits of the trust base. It is easy, oh so easy, to redefine the trust base after the trust expectation has been violated. But within affairs of the heart or when emotional lability is highest, trust elements are so readily breached. Returning to the basic practices for building trust is necessary. Let's look at what can be considered the essential tenets in trustbuilding: