Watching, Epilogue
 

“Miss Braddock it was a pleasure to work with you. The sum we agreed to has already been sent to your bank account in Switzerland.”

The beautiful woman smiled at Liam and nodded.

“I hope we will be working together in the future,” she said politely, knowing that having someone like Liam as her friend would only do her good. After all, he was one of the most powerful men in the world.

“Yes, I think we will.”

With that, Liam watched her leave and then turned back to the house where he knew Seena would be waiting. Silently, he climbed the stairs to her bedroom and opened the door.

She looked calm and serene as always, but this time something had changed in her. Some of her trademark cold had disappeared to be replaced by… warmth? He wanted to touch her, hold her more than anything, but didn’t dare. They both made mistakes. When he realized he was in love with his sister, he acted harshly, even cruelly towards her, often lashing out at her because she was the source of his frustration.

He succeeded in breaking what little trust she had in him. And although he tried to make it up to her, she wouldn’t let him. She despised him, not because he was in love with her, but for the things he did. The thing that hurt the most was the knowledge that if he acted differently, he could have a big chance on winning her heart as well. Now he could only have bits and pieces… and never love. Sometimes she shared her lust with him, but nothing more. She wasn’t so cold before, but her life made her cautious.

“Seena?”

She turned to him, her green eyes catching his identical ones. For one brief moment, the light played tricks on him and he thought he saw that thirteen years old girl that looked at him with such adoration and love… before he’d destroyed it all.

He closed his eyes for a moment, just a second to compose himself, to hide that love he bore for her… knowing it would only upset her.

When he opened them, he saw her so close to him that he nearly stepped back. He hasn’t heard her approach.

God, she was beautiful.

“What did you want to ask me?”

He wanted to beg her to stay, to give him a chance to show her that he had changed, that he would do anything for her. But after hearing her refusal so many times, he decided against it.

“When are you leaving?” he shifted his eyes, fixing them somewhere above her shoulder.  “I ask so that I can arrange security for you.”

The long silence surprised him and finally he moved his gaze to lock it with hers again.

“Seena?” he asked again, seeing a strange look in her eyes.

How could she tell him? How could she stay? But she couldn’t go… not after seeing his future so clearly. She knew that if he left now, he would die. Not right now… but after a few years, when the pain would become unbearable and he would finally commit suicide.

His vision had been short, but she still shivered from it. She saw him sitting at his dark, mahogany desk, dressed in black as always with a shiny gun in front of him. Blood dripping slowly from the wound in his chest and his already blue lips forming her name one last time.

He loved her with everything he had and was sorry for that which he had done in the past. And she’d known it for a long time, but she had her pride. More pride than was probably healthy. She put the blame for her disappointments on him. She hated him because it was so much easier than to take the blame on herself and he never tried to protect himself.

So she took her vengeance, hurting him over and over again for the childhood dreams he’d shattered. And she succeeded. The man of fierce temper was now broken. She knew she’d succeeded in crushing his spirit when he stopped asking her to stay.

His last question… when was she leaving… was the final proof that he had lost what little hope he still had.

So she should be happy, she’d finally received her revenge. Broken him to the point where this natural born fighter would choose such a cowardly way out of his misery.

But there was no satisfaction in her.

Slowly, for the very first time since their childhood, she reached out and touched his face. The skin was soft and warm, freshly shaved.

The sharp intake of breath told her that Liam was as surprised as she at her move.

“I am… not sure I want to leave, anymore,” she said softly, still marveling at the sensation of touching him.

Suddenly, he let out a ragged breath.

“No… Seena…please, don’t do this to me,” his voice cracked. Suddenly he wasn’t this fearless leader, able to stare everyone into submission. He was a lonely, hurt man that had long ago lost his hope.  “Do not taunt me with promises of what you will never give. You have taken everything from me… please leave at least my dignity. Leave me something…” his words were no more than a broken whisper and his face was ashen.

Was it her work? Had she really done it to him?

“Pease.…” he begged. That strong, so very proud man begged mercy of her.  “Don’t pretend… just… leave… not this… not this slow agony… please…”

She watched as he closed his eyes, face frozen in a picture of anguish, yet still he leaned into the touch, longing to feel it better.

The anger, hate and hurt that had been living inside her for so long had finally found it’s place of rest. She felt a lot calmer but not cold anymore. Slowly, tentatively she arched and pressed her lips to his in a chaste kiss. She felt as unsure and inexperienced as a child in that moment.

Liam’s eyes flashed open, surprise and confusion clear in them. He gasped, but kept statue still and Seena understood that he loved her, but no longer trusted her. In her every move he was seeking a trap…

Slowly, still not sure of what she was doing she raised her arms and embraced him, deepening the kiss a little more.

When Liam realized what she was doing, he finally gave in and took the initiative determined to enjoy whatever she was willing to give him.

Finally, he broke the kiss and pressed her close to him, enjoying the simple contact he hadn’t been allowed for years.

“Why?” was that his voice? So hoarse and broken?

She was still and quiet for a long moment, but her body was rested pliant in his arms.

“I think it should end right here. I should leave and never have contact with you again…” she felt the sudden panic in him and it didn’t give her any satisfaction this time, “or stay… and accept this… Brother.”

His whole body stilled, not because of her words, they hadn’t registered in his mind yet, but the last word: “Brother” She hasn’t called him that for twelve years.

He looked her in the eyes, afraid to find them still hard, cold and unforgiving.

“Are you sure? Are you telling me the truth?” he asked softly, still unsure, afraid to believe, to hope again.

“Yes. I want to try… to accept this… bond between us, Brother, because you are not the only one to blame.”

Slowly, finally believing what was happening, he pulled her closer and buried his face in the crook of her neck, instinctively knowing that pushing her with any physical contact was not good considering they hadn’t touched for twelve years.

Although he was silent and completely still she felt the wetness of his tears on her neck. She didn’t comment on it, just kept him in her arms and stroked his hair softly. Standing like this, embracing and watching the sun rise fully into the sky, she felt the first warm touches of forgiveness inside her. Everything would be all right… eventually. They just needed time to forget and forgive twelve years of pain and hurt.

* * *

Logan cursed and threw the empty bottle away. He was trying to drink himself to death. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten.  He’d drunk only what alcohol he could find and hadn’t slept for two weeks now. He couldn’t. Every time he closed his eyes he heard soft words murmuring about love, felt the softness of auburn hair beneath his hands and a lithe body close to him. Every time he had to wake up and learn that it was only a dream he felt he was closer to losing his mind. The pain was unbearable. And the guilt.

He wanted to die… die a painful, slow death so he decided to exhaust his organs to the point when even his healing factor wouldn’t work. And slowly, he was succeeding. With a bitter smile he released his claws and sheathed them looking with obvious approval at the bloody gashes left on his hands. The three wounds were not healing.

Soon… soon he would find peace.

With his face twisted in a parody of a smile he took hold of the next bottle and downed as much as he could in one breath. After weeks of drinking day and night he was sick of the taste, but still he kept drinking, knowing it would finally kill him.

“Thank you, Logan.  You made dis Cajun feel real special.”

Memories, like a constant wave, just couldn’t stop tormenting him. Those soft words of gratefulness and trust spoken to him on that beach… he could still feel the rising sun on his skin and Remy’s scent so close to him.

A happy relaxed scent. A good one.

How could he have broken that trust? He was supposed to protect Remy, not let him die! A new wave of pain shot through him and he reached for the bottle once more.

He wanted to die so badly… he knew he would rather suffer for what he did. And to think that he personally drove him to that fucking boat!

* * *

When he sneaked out of the clinic he didn’t expect moving to hurt quite THAT much, but he was done waiting. He promised that as soon as he was able to stand on his own two feet he’d leave.

Now, walking very carefully through the poorly lit corridor he felt dizzy with exhaustion. His whole body hurt and still he barely saw, capable only of distinguishing light and dark, and sometimes some shapes. He was determined however to finish his journey.

Finally, after counting the doors he stopped before the ones he sought. Reaching blindly he patted the wall until he found the bell and pressed the small button, hearing the satisfying ring inside the apartment.

He leaned on his good hand and waited.

* * *

Logan cursed whoever was behind the door. Why they couldn’t leave him alone?
The bell rang again, grating on his nerves, annoying him.

“Wait the fuck till I get you, you fucking…” he muttered while rising to his feet. He could feel the effects of consuming so much alcohol, but he was still sober enough to want to kill the son of a bitch that refused to leave him alone.

With a snarl he jerked the door open and nearly choked on his own words.

The pale, bruised face in front of him was painfully familiar. Longish, auburn hair tied in a loose ponytail had somehow lost its shine but still had that unmistakable shade that could only belong to one person.

The shades that hid his face were also familiar. He looked at Remy but his mind refused to acknowledge what he was seeing. Still, he did notice the multiple bandages and stitches on his too thin body.

Remy felt the tension coming off of Logan, but in his weakened state he couldn’t identify it properly. Was Logan angry at him? He knew he should have informed Logan that he was alive, but Liam was firm about it. No one could know until he was sure that Scott Summers was dead. Besides he couldn’t even stay conscious for more that fifteen minutes.

“Cher…Remy sorry… I… wanted to tell you dat I’m alive, but de doctors said that…”

Suddenly heh was interrupted by strong hands that gripped him and pressed him tightly to an equally strong chest.

**The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Released life in me
In our mutual shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth that finds a way from who we are**

He winced in pain when his ribs were crushed but didn’t make a sound. He wanted to be this close, to finally feel the warmth radiating from Logan. He missed him so much…

Logan felt his heart beat madly in his chest and his head was spinning. Was it really Remy? Could it be he’d survived?

Before he even had the time to think about his actions he pulled the kid inside and took his bruised face in his hands. In the same instant he started kissing him, forcing his tongue inside to feel, taste that warmth he knew so well. The scent that lingered at the edges of his mind no matter awake or asleep…

The way the younger man’s body melted into him, the way the lips parted granting him access without so much as thought caused him to finally realize that it was Remy.

“Remy…? My God… how… what…” he couldn’t speak. Although he tried, his voice cracked. Tears ran down his face although he didn’t realize it.

“It’s me, Logan… Cher… it’s okay, I’m here… Remy is safe…”

“Oh God, I was so sure you were dead…”

“For a moment Remy thought dat also. But you know dis Cajun. He be like de cat. One life down, eight more to go.”

Logan couldn’t stop himself from touching him, making sure that he was here, safe and alive. It took him a moment to realize that what he was smelling was pain.

“You’re hurting.”

“Eh… Remy kind of… escaped from de hospital.”

Without so much as a word Logan lifted him gently and carried him to his bed. He knew he should have scolded him for such stupidity but couldn’t. After all he had come to HIM.

“I love ya, Remy… love ya so much that I thought I would die. It hurt so much to think that you were dead. And it was entirely my fault…”

“Shh… I love you too… Je t’aime, Cher…” soothed the younger man. He was finally feeling better now that he was lying down and there was no pressure on his ribs.

**Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time**

Logan wanted, no, needed to touch him, smell him, and taste him… so that he could be sure that his fragile creature was here for real.

He laid himself beside him and pressed his face to the crook of his arm.

Remy wasn’t sure what Logan was doing, since he couldn’t see him. He felt Logan breath deeply, with his nose still buried in his neck and he realized that the man was scenting him.

At first he was surprised, but then it all made sense, Logan always seemed to scent the air around him and hear things. He always relied on his instinct, his senses… only now did Remy realize that he probably had enhanced senses and was now trying to reassure himself.

“Remy… can I… I mean I need…”

“Shh, Cher, oui… do what you please. Jus… hold me close?”

Remy sighed feeling the strong arms encircle him and hold him close for a moment. Then he felt a warm, wet tongue lick the side of his neck, sending pleasurable shivers down his back.

Remy tensed a little when Logan started tugging at his clothes, obviously wanting to take them off. Although he knew the older man would never hurt him, his body still remembered too vividly what Scott ha done to him. He was glad that Logan didn’t take his glasses off yet and tried to relax. Logan was obviously so disturbed that he failed to notice the hesitation in his lover’s body.

Remy put his good hand on Logan’s head hoping the feel of his soft hair would reassure him. He wanted to see him so much, but Logan was no more than a black shadow looming over him…

**Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away**

The Canadian obviously didn’t intend on waiting too long and didn’t even bother to open the shirt, instead he just ripped it open, sending buttons flying all over the room.

He growled softly when he saw the bandages and bruises covering almost every inch of the younger man’s chest and stomach. He did not need to be a genius to figure that fists left the bruises. He wanted to wash all that pain away, to heal him… only by his will, but he knew it was impossible.

Slowly, still growling deep in his chest he bent to lick the abused flesh.

Remy closed his eyes, finally relaxing when he felt the soft touches of a wet tongue. Logan would never hurt him. He stroked the unruly hair while Logan nuzzled his chest and pressed his nose to the tender skin, wishing he could imprint the kid’s scent on his very soul.

Remy felt unsure again when Logan started tugging at his pants but raised his hips allowing Logan to take them off. There was nothing to be afraid of.

**Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The light that flows inside of you burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this and I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot bear it all alone**

Remy closed his eyes feeling the warmth flowing from Logan, the love and care… all those feelings he was never given freely. But this time there was no price.

The way Logan touched him, with so much care and tenderness and yet with desperate need. He understood that the older man needed to make sure he was there, alive and with him.

Remy longed to see him, to see if he was repulsed by his battered body… the obvious signs of rape and abuse he’d suffered. He needed to make sure that Logan would not cast him away but… was afraid. His eyes were still useless and his empathy… he was afraid, maybe for the very first time to use it. Afraid he would learn things he did not want to know.

So he closed his eyes tightly, feeling Logan press his hot, soft lips to his abdomen, on the verge of the soft curls there. He felt the older man’s callused fingertips skim across the bruises on his hips and thighs, the gashes left by Scott’s fingernails biting so cruelly into his flesh.

He never realized that a few tears escaped his eyes.

** Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away**

Logan stopped abruptly, his nostrils flaring when he smelled the tears and pain on his mate. Quickly he crawled up his body, reaching for his face, wanting to make eye contact but those damned shades were hiding his eyes.

Still he could see the silver traces of fresh tears rolling down the sides of his face and disappearing in the soft auburn hair.

Slowly, he took the glasses off and sucked in his breath at seeing Remy’s eyes. The bruises were bad enough but this…

**Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away**

The red on black eyes that always made his breath catch were no longer. The red was so dark, almost black, that Remy’s eyes seemed to be just pools of endlessness, sad pools of darkness without any light.

“Remy… what…”

Remy couldn’t stop the sob that left his lips. He wanted to look Logan in the eyes… to see those steel blue’s shining with love ad affection, but all he could see was darkness lit sometimes but never easing completely.

From the first day he woke up in the clinic, he was calm and controlled, seemingly unaffected by his blindness. There was no guarantee he would ever see again, although the doctors were rather optimistic. They told him to get some professional help, the evidence of torture and rape clear to all, but he refused.

Only now, lying in the bed with Logan so close to him, did he allow his fears to surface.

He shook his head.

“Non… not now, Logan. Please… jus… hold me, please?”

“Oh… Darlin’…” his own voice sounded suspiciously fragile when he gathered the thin body to him, tucking his head under his chin and stroking his back soothingly. He would give anything to take that pain from him, to heal him…
 

** Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away**

He didn’t know how long they lie like that, close… feeling skin on skin, sharing their body heat. Finally, when he heard the sobs stop completely and the body in his arms relax, but still smelling of pain, he let go and kissed the Cajun pouring all he felt into that kiss. He wished he knew how to speak beautiful words, how to soothe him with them… but he couldn’t.

So he did the only thing he knew. He started showering him in tender, soft kisses… touching every bare inch of skin he could find, memorizing the softness, texture and the smell of him, lower untill he found the slightly hardening erection.

Remy guessed his intentions and Logan wasn’t surprised to feel his hands in his hair, pulling him up.

“Non Logan…”

“Shh… Let me do this for you, Remy… just relax… just let go of everything.”

Remy closed his eyes pretending that that was the only reason he couldn’t see Logan. He wanted to tell him that no matter what he did, it would not go away… that he couldn’t fight it away… that…

** Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away**

That he just couldn’t let go, because if he did, he would fall to pieces.

Fresh tears left his eyes as he felt the tentative, gentle laps of Logan’s tongue at his already reacting manhood. It wasn’t sex… it was so, so much more.

“If I let go, Cher… dere will be not’ing left…”

But Logan wasn’t going to let him hide from his pain. He had a pretty good idea what had happened to him and knew Remy needed to let it all out.

“So break… so shatter… I will be here to pick up the pieces…”

“What if…”

“Shh… use your empathy, Remy… feel me like you did that last night we spent together… please, do this for me, Darling. Feel me… feel this…”

Shaking like a leaf, Remy complied, letting go of his shields and tentatively reaching for Logan’s mind, now so familiar with him.

Love, pleasure… care… all that filled him in one, beautiful instant moment, pushing all the hurt from his soul to the outside. He wasn’t aware of his tears, of his cries… only that when his body found release, his spirit was finally free. All the shame, pain and hurt left his body along with those bitter tears. Leaving him calm and tired.

He was free again.

Gently he welcomed the kiss and embrace Logan gave him, while settling himself beside the lithe body and pulling the blanket over them.

“Tell me… how did you survive? I saw that explosion… no one could ever get out of it alive.”

Remy hid his face in the crook of his arm and sighed.

“Liam and Seena.”

“The twins? Your clients?”

“Yes. Dey hired a Brit woman, Betsy Braddock. She be a mutant and has de power of teleportin’ through shadows. De Chere took Remy away from de boat before it exploded.”

“Where?”

“To de hospital. Remy had broken ribs and…” he fell silent for a moment, “and was bleeding quite bad.”

Although he did not say why he bled, Logan knew. He tried to control the rage boiling inside him because he did not want to upset Remy further, but if Scott Summers was alive, he would personally end his fucking life in the most painful way he could imagine.

“And your eyes. What happened? Can you see at all?”

“Jus’ shadows, sometimes shapes… de doctors say dat Remy has good chances on recovering, but dey not sure.”

“How did it happen?”

“Remy’s eyes… dey sensitive to light. De man used a strong flashlight… it hurt so much… and left Remy blind.”

Logan held him closer imagining the agony he must have endured.

“It’s over now, Darlin’. I’m gonna take you out of this God damned town and take care of ya. No one will ever hurt you again.”

“Promise?” whispered Remy softly.

“Promise.”
 

Six months later.

“So, Darlin’, how do you like it?”  Logan got out of the car and looked at the small cabin located deep in the woods.

When he heard no reply he turned around. Leaning on the jeep, with his shades in his hand stood Remy. He was dressed in soft jeans and a white shirt, his long auburn hair loose and gleaming in the summer sun. His wide-open, red on black, lightly glowing eyes were full of… terror.

“You can’t possibly mean… for Remy… to spend a whole month!… in…… dis!!!”

Remy did not know where to look first, at the terribly SIMPLE cabin or at his grinning lover.

Without as much as a thought he turned around and sat behind the wheel. He was going to get as far from this… PLACE as humanly possible. He was NOT going to spend months… here! He didn’t even hear the burst of laughter from his Canadian lover.

Logan stopped laughing when he saw the sheer panic on Remy’s face and his clear intent to escape. He lunged for the car to stop Remy from starting the engine and pulled his resisting mate out of the car.

“Remy…”

“Non… non, non, non! Remy is not going to stay here… NON!”

Logan kept him firmly by his shoulders and barely managed to stay upright at the sight of such terror on the Cajuns face.

“Dis… doesn’t even have running water! And stop laughing!”

“Remy…” Logan tried again, tears running down his face.  “Remy calm down… it’s just a joke. Our house is ten miles up the road. It has running water, a shower and even a Jacuzzi. This was just a joke!”  He tried to calm his panicked lover.

Suddenly the shining red on black eyes narrowed.

“Dis not funny.”

Logan couldn’t stand it anymore and burst out laughing so hard he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t suffocate.

“Oh, but I assure you, it is. Just…” he panted, trying hard not to laugh, “the look on your face… when you thought…”

“Cul.”

Another fit of laughter nearly sent him to the ground while his sulking lover looked at him with a mix of anger, loathing and amusement. He was angry… he really was… so why was the corner of his mouth twitching suspiciously?

“I’m sorry. I am really sorry, Remy… I just couldn’t help myself,” Logan panted. When he finally stopped laughing and pulled his still sulking lover into his arms, he said, “I won’t do it again, promise. You’re not angry with me, are you?”

Remy smiled against his neck.

“Non. Remy not angry,” he looked into the steel blue eyes and touched his cheek tenderly, with his fingertips, “Je t’aime, Logan. You are my hope… my life… my everything.”

Logan swallowed, his throat suddenly dry.

“And I love you, too… without you this life wouldn’t be worth living.”

The End!