Memory's Domain

Bedtime for Bonzo by J. Hazlett and F. de la Torre

Dear Diary,
I added another picture to my Reagan Collage today! It's so cool! It almost
covers the whole wall, now! I love color photos almost as much as I love hollowpoints.
My neighbor hates color photos almost as much as he hates hollowpoints. I'll just have to
relieve him of his miserable existence sooner or later. Rover, I told you not to bring
those parts out of the freezer! Don't talk back, now go to your room!
My AR-15 is almost completely converted to fully automatic M-16 mode. Mr.
Reagan, don't eat that! It's not safe! Oh well, there goes that picture. Oh! 12:15! Time
to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for Bonzo. Reagan did such a beautiful job
acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo reminds me of the monkey I used to
have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only he had listened. Darn those mice.
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Dear Diary,
I wish you wouldn't write back. It's so confusing. Anyway, I let Sabrena out of
her cage today. Unfortunately, she dumped over my bottle of ether, so I had to resort to
chloroform. It amazes me— the will of instinct. I had to whip her. I put her back in the
closet. Hee hee... I like cold, dark places.
Boy, I miss Rover. Now I need to go out and buy a new spatula. I hope Sabrena
behaves herself while I'm gone. She needs a haircut. Which reminds me, where are those
clippers? Oh, man, did I leave them in Harry's apartment? I hope not. I'm having
company tomorrow and I'm getting hairy.
Oh! 12:15! Time to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for Bonzo.
Reagan did such a beautiful job acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo reminds
me of the monkey I used to have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only he had
listened. Darn those mice.
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Dear Diary,
Dr. Wilson won't be with us anymore. So much for today's company. Now I don't
have to shave myself. By the way, I'm driving Sabrena to the beach today. A private
beach. Enough said. Did you know compact discs can be used for more than just playing
music?
Lasagna? No, I ordered spaghetti! Go away, bad dog, go away! Oops, I forgot. I
miss you, Rover. Oh! 12:15! Time to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for
Bonzo. Reagan did such a beautiful job acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo
reminds me of the monkey I used to have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only
he had listened. Darn those mice.
________________________________________________________________________
Dear Diary,
Today wasn't a good day. Sabrena escaped... or, rather, tried to escape. Perimeter
defense stopped her. What a mess. Well, this weekend is shot. I need to clean the
windows now. This is going to take forever. Maybe Mr. Frump can help me.
Oh, man, my squeegee is ruined! Mr. Presley, don't make fun of me, please!
How will I clean those windows? I want to put on a good impression when Uncle Don
comes over. I don't want to scare him like I did my last guest. Poor Doctor Wilson. Am I
out of syringes again?
Oh! 12:15! Time to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for Bonzo.
Reagan did such a beautiful job acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo reminds
me of the monkey I used to have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only he had
listened. Darn those mice.
________________________________________________________________________
Dear Diary,
Sabrena's cage isn't empty anymore. Where will I get some new pillowcases?
Oh, well, subject change: I spent all last night looking for Mr. Frump, and guess what? I
got to test out my AR-15! It's fully automatic now that I got those parts I needed. Which
reminds me, my delivery came in today! I won't be needing a new spatula, after all!
I shaved the cat again today. I never would have thought he would resemble
Sabrena so closely with no hair. In a few hours, Fluffy will be ready for that tie-dying I'm
going to give him. Oh, man, where's my hair dye? WHERE'S MY HAIR DYE? This
means I have to shave the cat's tail, too. Wait! I still have my finger paints! I can use the
shaver batteries for something else now like the bubble gum air freshener. I'm all out of
pine, and the house still smells.
Oh! 12:15! Time to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for Bonzo.
Reagan did such a beautiful job acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo reminds
me of the monkey I used to have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only he had
listened. Darn those mice.
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Dear Diary,
I can't find my Bedtime for Bonzo video! Where can it be? Where's my Bedtime
for Bonzo video?!? There hasn't been a day I've missed Bedtime for Bonzo since 1973!!!
I can't miss it! You... you think I'm crazy, don't you? YOU THINK I'M CRAZY,
DON'T YOU?!? Well, I'll show you!! I'll FORCE you to watch Bedtime for Bonzo just
like all the others! They thought they could resist, but in the end, Bonzo will dominate!
Do you hear me?? BONZO WILL DOMINATE!!! Where are you, Bonzo? No, no!
Stop it! Don't speak to me! STOP HAUNTING ME!!!
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Dear Diary,
I ran out of medication yesterday, but after a cold scotch on the rocks, and a drink
for me, I was well enough to go to the pharmacy and get a bottle. The clerk didn't want
to give me a bottle, but the drumsticks on display at the front of the store proved to be an
asset to my position. I wonder what the police will think about the 911 call. Oh! 12:15!
Time to watch Bedtime for Bonzo! I love Bedtime for Bonzo. Reagan did such a
beautiful job acting in Bedtime for Bonzo. Bedtime for Bonzo reminds me of the monkey
I used to have... I told him not to go in the basement. If only he had listened. Darn those
mice.

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