Johan's Tavern
Rowdy Table #3

Eons ago in Darkwater I sat down and came up with the C.A.T. Scan (Short for Chivalry/Courtesy Aptitude Test).  
Baroness Morgan Morchearteaigh, Lady Regan Ros Morcheartaigh, Ld Johannes von Erfurt, and many others 
helped by putting in their tuppence, thus adding to the list....I hope you all enjoy this questionaire as 
you answer it.  AND REMEMBER...it was written with tongue in cheek...and no malice intended.

1. You are on your way to a meeting and you are already late.  A stranger is walking in your direction, 
   arms loaded with gear being unpacked from his car.  You...
(A)	Stop and help, making you later for your meeting, but the reason you are late should placate the 
       person(s) with whom you have the appointment.
(B)	Locate someone to help the person, you're still barely late, but you have done a good deed.
(C)	Pretend you didn't see him and hurry on.
(D)	Pick his pockets because his arms are full.
(E)	Other

2. You are in line for the ...err...ahhhh...loo.  It's not so much a necessity as a preventative measure.  
   Someone comes up dancing the ritualistic "P.P. Dance".  As you notice and begin to chuckle you...
(A)	Offer your place in line.
(B)	Ask those in front of you if this poor pitiful person can go next.
(C)	Watch them suffer and hope they don't embarrass themselves by wetting their pants.
(D)	Turn on the water taps and try to make them laugh.
(E)	Other

3. Milords: You notice a lady having problems lacing her dress...
   Miladies: You notice a lord having problems armoring up... You...
(A)	Offer assistance...
(B)	Don't know the proper way to lace a dress or buckle armor, but find someone who can.
(C)	Pretend you don't notice...it's their problem not yours.
(D)	Stand there and laugh at them because they look funny trying to do it alone.
(E)	Other

4. You see someone in garb you personally think looks quite odd, even tho' you believe it may be period. You...
(A)	Strike up a conversation and ask polite questions about the garb.
(B)	Compliment them on their hard work even tho' you may be clueless about costuming
(C)	Check the seams and ask about proper documentation.
(D)	Look around and make certain no one notices you laughing at the garb as YOU may end up wearing that 
       style one day.
(E)	Other

5. You are sitting down to eat a well prepared meal in your encampment when you notice the newcomers in a 
   neighboring encampment not only have no food they have no feast gear.  You...
(A)	Invite them to feast with you since your group always has plaenty of food, in exchange for helping 
       you cleanup afterward.
(B)	Offer them the use of feastgear and your edible leftovers, since there is usually plenty.
(C)	Tell them where to find the nearest KFC.
(D)	As you toss a bone over your shoulder you yell over to them that they should have been more prepared.
(E)	Other

6. While sitting in the feasthall chatting with friends you notice someone lighting up a cigarette/cigar/pipe.  
   It's not been posted as a non-smoking area, but you know it's agenerally acceptable rule that there is 
   no smoking in "public" buildings.  You...
(A)	Approach the individual and quietly and politely ask them to please not smoke in the hall as it may 
       bother others in an enclosed area.
(B)	Inform an autocrat and see if a herald can make ageneral announcement for the benefit of those not 
       aware of the non smoking policy.
(C)	Tell the King and Queen to banish them for smoking in a non smoking area.
(D)	Pour your drink over the offensive lout's head.
(E)	Other

7. You notice an obviously intoxicated person "socializing" at a Bardic Circle.  While watching this person 
   staggering back and forth around the fire...you...
(A)	Ask if they are alright and ask if they would like an escort back to their encampment or cabin.
(B)	Find out who they are with and make certain they are keeping an eye on their friend.
(C)	Ignore them, it's not your problem or business, you don't know them, they are over 21 and responsible 
       for their own actions.....well hopefully they are over 21....
       and are sort of responsible for their own actions.
(D)	Take bets on how long before they fall into the fire and how flammable they are.
(E)	Other

(8) Miladys, this one is for you.   You are headed into the feast hall and "proper" chivalry says a 
    gentleman should always open a door for a lady. You arrive at the door the same time as a lord whose 
    arms are full.  You..
(A)	Open the door for him and offer to assist him with his load.
(B)	Open the door for him and find others to assist him.
(C)	Open the door and go in letting the door slam in his face.
(D)	Wait for him to open it for you and comment on how rude he is when he doesn't.
(E)	Other

(9)	Milords, this one is for you.  It's dark and you're on your way to a neighboring encampment when you 
       notice an unescorted lady walking in the opposite directtion.  You...
(A)	Greet her and offer her safe escort to her destination so she doesn't have to walk alone in the dark.
(B)	Greet her and just walk with her to her destination.
(C)	Greet her, check her out, if she's not your type just continue on to your destination.
(D)	Offer to escort her to your tent....it's drunk out and you are dark.
(E)	Other

(10) It's late Saturday night of a "normal" event weekend.  You're out of money/cigarettes/drink/haven't 
     eaten all day (pick any or all) You...
(A)	Offer to barter for any or all of the above...be it in exchange for bardic entertainment, material 
       goods or work.
(B)	Find someone you know who will lend you the money to purchase what you need.
(C)	Find someone who is too drunk to realize you have just snatched any or all of the above from him.
(D)	Find an empty encampment and help yourself to whatever you can find..no one is there and it's their 
       fault for leaving their stuff lying around for anyone to take.
(E)	Other

11. While at court, you see a person receive an award.  Personally you feel this person is undeserving of 
    any kind of recognition.  You...
(A)	Keep your thoughts to yourself, after all you don't know everything this person has done in the SCA.
(B)	Make it a point to ask around, you may have met this person on an "off day" and gotten a wrong 
       impression of them.
(C)	Make rude comments to your friends about how this person brown-nosed their way into an award.
(D)	Ask the King and Queen how they could have been so stupid as to bestow any kind of award on such a 
       person.
(E)	Other

12. Someone you know has been in the SCA for a some time.  They are talented and active in many areas, 
    however, they have never received any kind of recognition for their hard work or skills.  You...
(A)	Write a letter of recomendation to the King and Queen, while urging others who know this person to 
       do the same.
(B)	Point the person out to others including the Peerage letting them know what a talented and 
       hardworking person they are.
(C)	Sit around and complain about how you have to be a member of certain households or groups in order 
       to get recognition from the Crown.
(D)	Tell the Royalty how stupid they are for not noticing this person and instead give awards out to 
       people who are less deserving.
(E)	Other

13.  You are on your way to an event and you see what is obviously a fellow SCAdian broken down by the side 
     of the road.  You don't recognize this person, you are packed to the max and have been on the road for 
     too many miles.  You...
(A)	Stop anyway you may be in that position someday.
(B)	Stop and offer to go to the nearest phone to call a tow truck.
(C)	Continue on...you don't kow them and besides you are late for the event.
(D)	Honk and wave as you toss them a roll of duct tape.
(E)	Other

14.  Another one for you milords:  It's late and everyone has been partying. A lady near where you are 
     sitting seems to be having difficulty discouraging the attentions of a lord who appears to be overly 
     inebriated.  She catches your eye and you see she could use a hand with the situation.  You  
     immediately ask the lady if you may be of any assistance.  If the answer is yes, you...
(A)	Discreetly and as polite as possible suggest the lord might want to take a walk and sober up a bit.
(B)	Offer to escort the lady back to her encampment or elsewhere away from the unwanted company of the 
       inebriated lord.
(C)	Ignore the problem, you don't want to get involved in someone elses problems that might ruin your 
       night.
(D)	Throw down a gauntlet and challenge the drunk to a duel at dawn.
(E)	Other

These questions obviously don't cover every aspect of chivalry or courtesy in the SCA, but it does cover a 
few areas.  And some of the incidents have been garnered by actual events happening to individuals as SCA 
functions.

1)  Your seneschal has pleaded with you to autocrat the next local event.
    He is so desperate, he has offered his first born male child.  Do you:

    a) Hold out for both the first born male and female children.
    b) Ask him to take yours instead.
    c) Offer to use all the children in making kinder burgers.

2)  The Crown has just announced that your small local revel next month will instead be the Known World 
    Heraldic Symposium.  Obviously your site for 75 people will not be adequate.  Do you:

    a) Shoot all heralds on sight until there are only 75 left.
    b) Announce that a prize will be given to the most heralds who can cram themselves into the rest rooms.
    c) Paint yourself azure and or pretend to be a banner until the event is over with.

3)  You are making an ice run into town during the event, and a bunch of Hell's Angels start making fun of 
    your kilt.  As you leave you notice that they are following you.  Do you:

    a) Go back to the site and drop by the hospitaller's tent and tell her you brought back a few friends 
       who need garb.
    b) Drop by the seneschal's tent and tell him there are some people outside with a complaint about the 
       noise.
    c) Look for a belted circle and tell them about your new contest on motorized jousting.

4)  As you are setting up your campsite on Friday afternoon, the mother of all storm clouds has left the 
    horizon and is proceeding directly toward your site.  Do you:

    a) Quickly change the event flyer to say the site is wet.
    b) Have a sacrificial altar built and start looking for vestal virgins.
    c) Include Longboat Races in your schedule of events.

5)  Two hours prior to serving your Twelfth Night feast, your feastocrat comes down with ptomaine poisoning.
    You can't trust anything that has been made. A man in early Semitic garb carrying a basket with bread 
    and a couple of fish offers to step in as feastocrat.  Do you:

    a) Accept his offer on the spot.
    b) Tell him you had planned a pork barbecue.
    c) Order out for pizza.

6)  The day of your event has arrived, you arrive at the site to discover that the port-a-jon company you 
    hired only delivered half of the privies that you requested.  Do you:

    a) Announce that your event will recreate Lent, and everyone will fast over the weekend.
    b) Lace the drinking water with Kay-o-pectate.
    c) Charge on admission fee and rack up what profit you can.

7)  You discover nude dancing at one end of your camping event.  Realizing this could be a tricky 
    situation, you should:

    a) Invite the Crown.
    b) Spread the rumor that the dancing is at the other end of the camp.
    c) Charge admission.

8)  At your feast, two Duchesses are arguing over the seating order at the high table.  Do you:

    a) Mention that you're open to bribes.
    b) Place side bets and have them "duke" it out.
    c) Call off the feast and order out for pizza.

9)  A laurel comes up to you and says that the bell decorations that you just spent the past 5 hours 
    getting just so, are not period.  Do you:

    a) Explain they were designed by an Oxford scholar.
    b) Explain they were designed by Yves St. Lauren.
    c) Serve laurel chops with dinner.

10) The Crown has unexpectedly shown up at your event and is demanding all the perks normally associated 
    with having the Crown at the event.  Do you:

    a) Spend the rest of the event groveling at their feet.
    b) Tell them yes, but hold out for a peerage first.
    c) Explain the site is being evacuated due to ptomaine poisoning.

11) An autocrat's true responsibility at an event is:

    a) Keep the Crown happy.
    b) Keep the populace happy.
    c) Keep an airline ticket to Rio de Janeiro handy and it doesn't matter who's not happy.

Note: I claim no responsibility for the previous text, hehehe, who would?