Breeding Associates for Fun and Profit!
or
Yes, There can be Financial Gain in the Peerage

CAVEAT

Before going into associate breeding as a money making venture, you should first decide 
whether or not this is the activity for you.  There are many other ways a peer of the realm
can gain financial security without substantial investment funds.  However, none of the other 
ventures are quite as emotionally satisfying as associate raising.  Other handbooks are 
available for these activities, among them Browbeating Kingdom Officers for a Permanent 
Stipend, Siphoning Funds from Kingdom Fund Raisers, and Retire NOW!  A Guide to Cashing In 
Meridian War Bonds for Big Bucks

CHOOSING YOUR BREEDING STOCK

You will want to go slowly when choosing your breeding stock, for the associates you choose 
to breed today will determine your financial security for years to come.  You may wish to 
consult with other members of the peerage as to the associate qualities which are most 
desirable for their orders as well, as it may be necessary to cross breed for some traits.  
For example, although squire stock should be chosen primarily for physical stamina and 
strength, a good squire must also have a certain native slyness and cunning usually found
in protege stock.  In fact, since both squires and proteges are usually completely void in 
creativity, this may be your most successful venture.  We do not recommend cross breeding 
squire stock with apprentice stock unless you intend to produce stock for that very rare 
occurrence - multiple peerage stock.  The multiple peerage stock is, however profitable, 
also highly speculative, since each Order of the Peerage tends to believe that their Order's
bloodlines are too fine to sully with cross breeding. Your other concern with cross breeding 
is that, contrary to the Orders' beliefs, the cross breeding may tend to be extremely 
incestuous and may produce hybrids of spectacular ability or more likely, candidates for 
the Trimarian Peer of the Year.  Because of this, we have compiled the list of attributes 
and qualities to look for in associate stock below as a quick reference for beginners.

APPRENTICES
1. Love of Aesthetics - Is their food arranged in a pleasing manner on the plate?  
   Does all their cutlery match?  Does their tablecloth co-ordinate with their napkins?  
   Do the colors of their candles produce an eye-pleasing contrast to the rest of their
   table setting?

2. Costuming and clothing - Do they have accessories for every outfit they own including
   having appropriate shoes and pouches?  Do all their costumes have French seams and is 
   every garment hand hemmed even on the sleeve hems?

3. Research - Can they tell you the source of every item they produce right down to the 
   street corner in Brugge that this technique was practiced?  Can they cite you six sources 
   for that technique including at least one reference expounding a contradictory theory?  
   Can they tell you the name of the medieval Guild in charge of this technique and when it 
   was founded?  Can they tell you the patron saint of that Guild?

4. Politics - Do they disdain practicing politics with a weighty sigh saying that they only 
   want to create art and then sidle up to the nearest Pelican for help in changing the Kingdom?

5. Lack of every day common sense - Do they always have fifteen colors of thread to mend  
   with but never carry a band- aid?  Do they always come looking pathetically for a slide 
   projector to show their twelve hundred slides from the Corning Museum Roman Glass exhibition?

6. Unwillingness to loan source material - When you ask a question about an artistic endeavor 
   does their answer always start with "I have this book you need to get which is the seminal 
   source for that technique"?

7. Visibility -  Have you ever seen them at an event?  Have you ever heard a rumor that they
   might possibly be at an event?  Have you heard a rumor that they held a workshop at their 
   house?  Have you ever heard a rumor that they went to a workshop at someone else's house?

8. Other traits - Do they possess preferred customer cards at 12,978 fabric stores within 
   the Kingdom but never carry them because, "They all know me"?  Do they have at least 
   three sources for 5th century Norse buttons? Does it take six months to get a letter 
   from them because they weren't satisfied with the calligraphy but they finally mailed it 
   anyway because it needed to be done in a hurry?  Did that letter arrive on hand made 
   Egyptian papyrus and in 7th century pictographs so that it was totally useless but it 
   was so pretty you framed it?

PROTEGES
1. Preparedness - Do they ALWAYS have blank paper and three different styles of pens from 
   which to choose?  Do they always have an assortment of headache remedies including 
   aspirin, Advil, Tylenol and Morphine?  Do they have Maalox as well as Elavil,Qualudes, 
   and Valium?  Do they carry the assortment of Band-Aids which includes butterfly bandages 
   and Sesame Street characters for the squires and little children?  Do they always have 
   both red and white wine for the Feast?  Does their briefcase contain a full stapler, tape, 
   and Post It Notes with "Memo From Hell" at the top?  Can they always produce the latest 
   version of Corpora, Kingdom Law, and "Popular Chivalry" on their lap top computer and whip 
   out their portable printer so you can have a copy?

2. Contacts - Can they tell you the work phone number of not only the Crown and the Kingdom
   Officers but every Pelican in the Kingdom?  Do they have friends who talk to them among 
   the other two associate groups enabling them to know every thing about what every one is 
   doing within minutes?  Do they use an alternate long distance service and still have $500.00 
   phone bills every month?  Can they tell you the decisions of the BOD before the Minutes 
   are published?  Do they have signed amendments to Kingdom Law before they're proclaimed 
   in Court?

3. Visibility - Is their name frequently in "Popular Chivalry"?  Does the Crown mention them 
   often?  Are they always in the middle of a controversial situation?  Is their name 
   spoken in reverential and hushed whispers in Grey Niche?  Have they visited Bryn Madoc 
   or South Downs?  Are there thousands of papers around the Kingdom bearing their signature?  
   Do members of the Populace swear they were at three different events in two Kingdoms on 
   the same weekend?

4. Stubbornness - Are they always refusing to see logic with statements like "Call me and 
   old fart, but...", "I don't care what His Grace said, I think ...", "But the law says", 
   and "I know it's not logical, but it's what I feel..."

5. Long Negative Memories - Is their conversation peppered with "We tried that once, and it 
   didn't work", "Trimaris did that and it was a disaster", "Yes, but she came from An Tir 
   in AS 4 and you know how they are.", "During Bearkiller's second reign we did that and
   hated it", and "A Laurel thought of this?  Oh, how funny!"

6. Slickness - Do they always con someone else into doing it and then explain that delegation 
   is the secret to successful management?  Can they always come out of a controversy they 
   created with an award for service to the Kingdom or the Crown?  Can they disappear gracefully 
   from the feast table, returning hours later to a full plate and a faithful minion to wash 
   their dishes so they won't have to?  Is their goblet always full even if they haven't 
   moved in hours?  No matter where they sit do they always have samples of what the head 
   table has for dessert?  Does some one bring them coffee in bed before breakfast is served?  
   Does their office function mysteriously while they get drunk and vanish with squires into 
   the woods for days?

SQUIRES
1. Preparedness - Did they join the SCA last week and already have three armor bags full of 
   27 rolls of duct tape, 14 sticks of 1 and 1/2 inch rattan, three helmets, seven shields, 
   leather thongs, hockey gloves, knee pads and other assorted gear, but no athletic cup?  
   On Saturday before the List, do they already have a Hot Date for the Revel?

2. Memory - Can they find their fighter authorization card?  Do they know what event they
   are at?  Can they remember the fighter who broke their finger two fights ago?  Can they 
   recognize their device so they can get back to their camp when they leave the field?  
   Do they know what Barony they're fighting for in a war?  Can they remember one knight's 
   name?

3. Physical strength -  Can they carry all of a Pelican's gear for a weekend with passing 
   out?  Can they carry all of the Kingdom Seneschal's files without their back breaking?  
   Can they spend five minutes in  court without twitching uncontrollably?  
   (Note: If they can spend longer than this , they are really a  Bad Duke in disguise;
   get rid of them or your breeding stock will be tainted forever.)

4. Rhythm - Do they have natural rhythm?

5. Big Plans - Have they already planned not only their own Spectacular Cecil B. DeMille
   coronation, designed not only their county and duchy coronets and have already commissioned
   someone to write the ceremony for them so they can learn their lines?

6. Have they gone to EVERY war in not only this kingdom, but every neighboring one?

7. Have they ever gone to a Collegium other than Fighter's Collegium. NOTE:  If so, you may
   wish to  take note - you may have either potentially bad stock or a potential laurel.   
   BE CAREFUL here.

8. Slyness and Sneakiness - Are they well dressed but never touch a washing machine, sewing
   machine, or have a lady of their own?  If so, they have developed those most desirable 
   of all traits - sneakiness and slyness. They have been so pitiful ladies are sewing for 
   them.  Once a squire has obtained this trait, he is a shoo in for knighthood as he will 
   never get caught not calling a blow again, unless it suits his purpose!  
   BE CAREFUL of this associate.

9. Does their cooler contain 14 flavors of Gatorade, 16 kinds of beer, and 3 varieties of 
   hard liquor, but no food?  Warning:  if you find a member of this species who has after 
   dinner liquors you may want to cross breed for double peerage or check other Laurel qualities.

Now that you have picked your stock, let Nature take it's own course. Quit worrying, watch 
the fun and get ready to enjoy financial security in the years to come.

Author's note:  This pamphlet was written in the spirit of having fun.  
If you didn't like; don't take it or yourself too serious.  Disseminate it across the
Known World, just don't take the credit or the blame.



After carefully monitoring the breeding programs of a number of Peers, I do
note that the cross you mentioned between squire and apprentice though
possessing a possibility of multi peerages, are so disfigured by the long
tapering stained nose and entanglements of facial hair with posterior hair
that they are at the least an unsightly adage to any event.  Now any cross
with protege' stock is going to be much better received, lithe of limb,
gentle of spirit, willing to sacrifice themselves relentlessly upon the
alters of their peers they possess those qualities best suited for peerage,
of course the best method would be inbreeding these to prevent the possible
taint of lace obsession or rattan sniffing :)

Tongue in Cheek,
Elric


You know, Artemisia and I are more than a little guity here.....  
And we can make money with this?

Wulfe