Standard Disclaimer

In case you were wondering, there are no guarantees whatsoever. But just to be on the safe side, all these warnings are valid where applicable:

• My employer and university probably do not share in any opinions I may or may not have, even if I were to have been silly enough to consult them.
• Mail all flames directly to me.
• This product is meant for educational purposes only.
• Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
• Void where prohibited.
• Some assembly required.
• List each check separately by bank number.
• Batteries not included.
• Contents may settle during shipment.
• Use only as directed.
• No other warranty expressed or implied.
• Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
• Postage will be paid by addressee.
• Subject to CAB approval.
• This is not an offer to sell securities.
• Apply only to affected area.
• May be too intense for some viewers.
• Do not stamp.
• Use other side for additional listings.
• For recreational use only.
• Do not disturb.
• All models over 18 years of age.
• If condition persists, consult your physician.
• No user-serviceable parts inside.
• Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
• Subject to change without notice.
• Times approximate.
• Simulated picture.
• No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
• Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop.
• Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
• For off-road use only.
• As seen on TV.
• One size fits all.
• Many suitcases look alike.
• Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
• Colors may, in time, fade.
• We have sent the forms which seem right for you.
• Slippery when wet.
• For office use only.
• Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
• Drop in any mailbox.
• Edited for television.
• Keep cool; process promptly.
• Post office will not deliver without postage.
• List was current at time of printing.
• Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
• Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
• At participating locations only.
• Not the Beatles.
• Penalty for private use.
• See label for sequence.
• Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
• Do not write below this line.
• Falling rock.
• Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
• Nap was here.
• Your canceled check is your receipt.
• Add toner.
• Place stamp here.
• Avoid contact with skin.
• Sanitized for your protection.
• Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
• Sign here without admitting guilt.
• Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
• Employees and their families are not eligible.
• Beware of dog.
• Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
• Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.
• You must be present to win.
• No passes accepted for this engagement.
• No purchase necessary.
• Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
• Shading within a garment may occur.
• Use only in a well-ventilated are.
• Keep away from fire or flames.
• Replace with same type.
• Approved for veterans.
• Booths for two or more.
• Check here if tax deductible.
• Some equipment shown is optional.
• Price does not include taxes.
• No Canadian coins.
• Not recommended for children.
• Prerecorded for this time zone.
• Reproduction strictly prohibited.
• No solicitors.
• No alcohol, dogs or horses.
• No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
• Restaurant package, not for resale.
• List at least two alternate dates.
• First pull up, then pull down.
• Call toll free number before digging.
• Driver does not carry cash.
• Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
• Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
• Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
• Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.
• Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.
• No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
• Package sold by weight, not volume.
• Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

mike.w.miller@nd.edu

stefan@netch.se

mmorabito@geocities.com

Do I contradict myself?
Very well, then, I contradict myself.
I am large, I contain multitudes.
W.Whitman Song of Myself

Last Updated: July 9, 1997