Page O' Quotes--
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I
am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering
if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless in has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce. -- J. Edgar Hoover
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but
then I realized that I had no Character. -- Charles Barkley, on hearing
Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating"
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself."
-- Mark Twain
When I was in high school, my friends would lay anything that moved.
I choose not to limit myself.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to
be when you kill them. -- William Clayton
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then
go down and meet them with baseball bats. -- Woody Allen, on the KKK
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. -- >From
"Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in _Life In Hell_ by
Matt Groening
sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between
the right man and the right woman... -- Woody Allen
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. -- Jessica Rabbit
Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which
flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come. --
Nietchze
I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal
through not dying. -- Woody Allen
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end---I
shouldn't be at all surprised. -- Dorothy Parker
In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you
could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?"
I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven
Wright
Sex is like poker....if you're no good at it, better have a great hand.
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to
see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." --
Shirley Temple
"I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's
maiden name." -- Paula Poundstone
"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
-- Robert Benchley
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off
for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
-- P. J. O'Rourke
"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food:
frequently there must be a beverage." -- Woody Allen
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
-- Ronald Reagan
"Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to
end?" -- Tom Stoppard, _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead_
"Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy
and dead." -- James Thurber
"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." -- Gore
Vidal
"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something
that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" -- Ronnie
Shakes
"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable
to dispense it." -- Dick Cavett
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
-- Last words of Pancho Villa
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me,
I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet
place and kill him." -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking,
and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?" -- Ronnie Shakes
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom
and democracy - but that could change." -- Vice President Dan Quayle,
5/22/89
"I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements
in the Future." -- Vice President Dan Quayle
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe." -- Vice
President Dan Quayle
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to
the polls." -- Vice President Dan Quayle
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it." -- Vice President Dan Quayle
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the
belief that one's work is terribly important." -- Bertrand Russell
"I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply
because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to
meet them." -- H. L. Mencken
"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you
when you are brave." -- E. M. Forster, as a small child
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." -- Akira Kurosawa
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
-- Bill Watterson, cartoonist
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless
there are three other people." -- Orson Welles
"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are
well written or badly written." -- Oscar Wilde
"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
-- Jerome K. Jerome
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success
of those we don't like?" -- Jean Cocteau
"I think it would be a good idea." -- Mahatma Gandi (1869-1948)
when asked what he thought of Western civilization
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." -- Aldous Huxley
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act."
-- Truman Capote
"My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends
you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia."
-- Dame Edna Everage
"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
-- Lord Acton "Power corrupts, but absolute power is really neat."
-- John Lehman (Former Secretary of the U.S. Navy)
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