| Short
and sweet:
Have you ever
experienced this? You have taken the same road all your life. It is a road
that leads you to your house but all of a sudden, the road becomes unfamiliar
and unrecognizable. The street names although readable, they are incomprehensible
and thus you find yourself completely lost. You however continue walking,
not knowing where you are, where you are going but struggling to find your
home.
Have you ever
struggled to get home? I have and this is where my testimony begins. I
was born in a Christian family so I was taught countless times about Jesus'
birth, His death and His resurrection. Church was part of my life whether
I liked it or not. I have also asked Jesus into my heart inwardly and outwardly
several times...too many times. Why? Because I was unsure of my salvation.
I never felt the peace that my fellow Christians seem to have, nor the
peace the Bible spoke of. In short, this was basically my Christian life
and honestly, God was just a routine although I knew He was more than that.
By the time
I reached my junior year in College, I finally couldn't stand the contradiction
in my life that never seem to settle. Likewise, I was fed up with the emotional
roller coaster ride I called "faith." I wanted have more, like David, Daniel,
Moses and other prophets and some church leaders I've respected. However,
nowhere could I find that desire in my heart. In my time of struggle, someone
told me something that I have always known but it struck like it never
did before. It struck so hard the road I thought I knew, I no longer knew.
He said when Adam fell, he died spiritually so therefore all of us were
spiritually dead too. We were all sinners and that we could not earn our
salvation by our actions.
At that very
moment I was overtaken by a surge of anger in my heart. I have given up
so many things in my life for others and I have experienced many lost and
sufferings due to them, but they meant NOTHING to God. NOTHING. I was also
angry at God for He didn't even consider any of my sacrifices. However,
at the same time, heaven and hell were real to me and I was devastated.
I was devastated for I needed to confess that I was a sinner but I could
not. I couldn't fool myself and say I was one just because that was the
"right" thing to say, at least not this time. What was I to do? I could've
given up right there but something in me wouldn't. God said He is the truth
and I was a seeker of truth. If He is who He claims to be then He will
be where He has always been. So, I continued to search.
I ran in circles
because questions that I've asked my Christian friends did not satisfy
me nor were they new revelation. One Sunday I told my friend what I was
going through and he wanted us to pray. So I prayed asking God to save
me for I knew that He was the only one who could, although I couldn't understand
what it meant to be a sinner. That night I took it by "faith" in hope that
God has saved me. So I was a happy camper for that night and then a new
morning arose. As I was on a bus on my way to campus, I thought about being
saved and I visualized Jesus on the cross; and then a quiet voice told
me He had to die for me because all the such and such things I have done
in my life. Then I knew I wasn't as nice as I thought I was. He had
to die on the cross for He was the only One who can save me from death
by taking my punishment for me.
It was at that
exact moment when my heart opened and I understood. I finally understood.
I understood His birth, His death and His resurrection. I understood my
sinfulness. I understood why He shed His blood and took my place on the
cross. I understood finally He has given me life by His grace and His grace
only.
Upon His grace
I have been restored and a new sight was given to me. Thus, once I was
blind and now, I can see and I can finally find my way home. |
Uh...I'm almost done. I'm just a perfectionist at times. :P