I grew up in a large family (8 children) with parents who tried their best to raise us right. We were taught to live honest lives, treating others good, and about right and wrong. We were very, very poor. Sometimes we were afraid that we would be taken away from our parents because of needy circumstances. Anyway, we survived.
Most of us went to Baptist meetings regularly. We were taught how to become "born again" or "saved". These ways did not work for me. I remember as a child of 4 or 5 wondering if God was real, and if He was real He was only there to judge people after death, never as a loving father. I pretended to believe in Him because everyone else seemed to believe.
I tried countless times to get "born again" by saying the prayers recommended, and repenting (as I was told how to repent). You would not believe how hard I tried to get born again. Nothing seemed to work! I became more and more depressed as the years passed by.
I married, but soon discovered that my husband could not bring me the peace I needed. I loved my children greatly, but they could not bring me peace either. I had family and many friends that I tried to get close to, but I always felt different, odd, or strange around them.
I know now that God did not want me to believe false doctrine, that a person becomes "born again" at the time God chooses. He was always there for me, guiding me, loving me and waiting for the right time to show me the truth about Himself.
After years of terrible depression (the kind that kills many people, which is incurable by doctors, therapy, or counseling) I was stunned to find that my 21 year old son Paul was attending praying meetings at a little Holiness place. I had searched out Catholic, Mormon, Jewish, and other doctrines, but never heard of receiving the holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in other tongues, as described in the book of Acts.
"Oh no," I thought, "Paul is involved in a cult!" But, I watched him change from a wild, troubled young man who had many close embraces with danger and the law, to a calm young man. He was cleaning up 2 or 3 times a week to go to prayer meetings.
I taught my children as much as I could about God even though I did not believe in Him completely. I wanted and needed to believe in God desperately. I surely did not want Paul and my daughter Lisa to go through this life not knowing if God was real.
I became curious about the holy Ghost after listening to Paul who was telling me about the things he had heard at the meetings. I wanted to go to the meetings with him but I was afraid to go without being invited. Paul was not forward about telling me what he was learning. I had to seek him out and question him about it. I was being drawn to the light that I saw in my son. After a few months, my son finally invited me to a meeting. I agreed to go. By the time the Sunday rolled around I was very nervous; I almost "chickened out," but I did not. My daughter decided to go with me too.
When I went inside that little building I felt some sort of power or emotion in the room. I sensed an awesome presence that I know now was the presence of God. I felt a fear and an understanding that this was serious and that I was about to learn something about the Lord. A feeling of love permeated the room. Within 10 minutes after going in I was crying. I was scared, but I felt something powerful like a magnet pulling at my heart. I cry now as I remember.
I went to Sunday services every week, but I did not realize at the time how much I loved going there. I cried like a baby as I felt the spirit of God in the room each week. The pastor and the elders of the church laid their hands on people, praying both in English and in tongues. It was utterly stunning to witness this. On the fourth Sunday I attended, something moved me to touch my son as he was being prayed for to receive the baptism of the holy Ghost. Great compassion came over me as I watched him labor to receive this wondrous gift. Suddenly, my heart felt something saying, "You need prayer too!" I stepped forward and said, "I need prayer too!" When the pastor touched me and began to pray, I immediately fell gently to the floor and began speaking in tongues! It felt as I was floating on a cloud.
I was very surprised and excited that this happened to me. "So this is what it’s all about!", I thought. "No wonder I could not find the proof before." This was the proof I had been looking for!
Since that time I have had to do my part with straightening out my life. God’s help will take us through anything. I am learning, growing, and changing every day. God has answered my every prayer.
The pastor at the Gospel Tract News is truly being led by the spirit of God. I have not known love and unity as I know now. God took away my depression when He washed away my sins that day in 1994. I have peace like I never dreamed possible. I am often in a prayerful and peaceful mood now. I have learned that trouble cannot flourish around us very long with God on our side.
Both my son and daughter received the holy Ghost soon after I did.
If you are lonely, depressed, or eager to know the truth about God, please seek Him with all your heart. It may take a little time, but He will not disappoint you.
May God Bless You!
Ruth
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