My name is Tina_B and I live in the midwest. I am 32 years old, a wife of Don married 12 years, a Mother of 3 children 13 yr. old Adam, 11 year old named Aaron, and 9 year old Amanda, a nurse of 15 years, and a survivor of sexual and emotional abuse.

In trying to figure out exactly what I want to share with people about me, my survival and the things that are important to me, I have done some serious reflections of myself..

I was given up at birth by my birth Mother. Was very ill at birth and stayed in the hospital for 5 weeks of age and having quite guarded physical state, I was given to foster parents, until they could find placement for me in a home. My foster parents kept me for 10 months and switched pediatricians and was informed that I was not mentally disabled. IT was then they decided to adopt me. The adoption process took many months to become finalized.. They had told me from as early as I can remember that I had been adopted.

I never really felt abandoned and unloved by being given up at birth, because I thought I had such a loving family. It wasn't until I was 14 years old and my Mother went away for a week that my life changed drastically. While my Mother was away on vacation, I became a victim of sexual abuse. My Father sexually abused me. I felt as if everyone knew, all the kids at my school knew supposedly and wouldn't anyone believe me...so I pretended to play sick the whole week my Mom was gone. That week was the worst week of my life. My Mom came back home the next week, and I knew somehow by someway, I should not tell.

I keep the SECRET inside for 3 weeks until I could not survive alone anymore. I needed someone else to know. I chose to tell on Christmas Day. I was 14 years old, I watched my whole life fall apart in front of me, I knew I was to blame. I have always carried this guilt of watching my family fall apart. After I did tell, I felt like I was to blame, that I was the bad guy, no one liked me, no one understood what I was going through.

Last year at 31 years old (after 17 years of secrets, invalidation of feelings, and living in emotional turmoil) I thought I needed someone, something to fulfill my life. I did not realize that what I needed was to heal, to survive, and deal with the past. I had never allowed myself to feel my pain of all the abuse I suffered. So, it was my decision to find my birthparents. I thought they could fill up what I was missing in me.

It took me 4 months to find my birthmother. I found her and we began to develop a relationship, a very deep relationship, we shared many things, and she helped me deal with alot of my abuse issues that I had never allowed myself to feel. IT was then that I began to feel like I was crazy, that no one understood what I was feeling and going through by reliving past memories of my abuse. I began to need to reach out farther than just the help of my birthmother, for she could not give me what I needed any longer. She had emotional issues going on with her self too, and told me she did not want me in her life anymore.