 | Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were
giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop
the pill in its mouth. |
| Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa. |
| Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand & back
paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. |
| Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (resist impulse to get new
cat.) |
| Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding
position, sit on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your
left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw & pop pill in - quickly!
Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing. That's
just as well. |
| Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. |
| If you are a woman, have a good cry. If you are a man, have a good cry. |
| Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? |
| Retrieve cat & pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here
anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill & ....Oooops! |
| This isn't working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing
the chaos. |
| Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back a large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. |
| Retrieve cat from kitchen counter & pill from potted plant. |
| Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. |
| Flatten cat's front & back legs over its stomach. (resist impulse to flatten cat.) |
| Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time & tabbies wait for no man - or woman! |
| Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. |
| Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. |
| Drop pill into cat's mouth & poke gently. Viola! It's done! |
| Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). |
| Take two aspirins & lie down. |
