messiah

the gift
came to her
one day while she
was putting up the laundry
and humming nearer my god
and taking long, slow drags
from virginia slims

later she said in that moment
she realized her life had meaning
that she was a chosen child of God
that all the abuse she received
was God’s way of testing her and
she had passed with flying colors
 
she would write a book and sell the rights
she would go on the televangelists’ shows
and teach them a thing or two – mr so and so
would say something he thought was particularly
clever, and she’d put him right in his place she would

all those muckity-mucks would tremble
before the courageous onslaught of
her penetrating biblical insights

all those pompous fools with their fancy words
and their confusing thoughts that made her head
hurt would be cut to the quick by her simple yet
insightful wit

they’d say, god speaks through her lips and yet
she’s so humble.  yes, she’d be so humble and
magnanimous to her worshippers

and she’d remember every slight. man would she!
she’d remember the doctor who always used big
words and long sentences and she always felt he
was making fun of her and the gossipy hags at
the PTA who always got silent when she passed,
and that time mary jo stuck her tongue out in fifth
grade.  oh, won’t they be sorry then.

she had a great memory for the wrongs she perceived
were done to her.  she would never forget.  she had
a somewhat smaller quantity of synapses devoted to
remembering the evils she had already visited on others.
she remembered perfectly well how margaret had called her a whore
and a loon, but when she told the story, she left out the part
about how she had been making snotty comments to madge for days
before she finally blew up

(what she didn’t know, what that hateful, fearful labyrinth between her ears
 prevented her from ascertaining was that neither margaret, nor the doctor,
nor even mary jo, nor anyone else really hated her.  they feared her tantrums,
 and they pitied her for her insanity, but they loved her for her humanity.
there but for the grace of God, they thought.)

anyways, she was glad to know that god was going to be so vindictive on her
 behalf.  it made her tingle thinking of the look on their faces when they
received their judgements

and they’d all know she was special
and they’d all look at her with awe and fear
and she’d be so much more than a housewife
hanging up the laundry, smoking cigerattes,
humming gospel melodies, and daydreaming
of a stolen glory