or perhaps you remember me better as the rabbit.

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dateline: oZ makai

15 october 1996 9:16 p.m.

Well whaddya know... I've been probed. I got a lovely form letter from the blokes at Excite -- complete with an invalid URL, thank you very much -- saying I got a "positive review" and would I please take a look and oh maybe I'd like to put their little "X" thingy on my page? The logo plug isn't looking too likely after I swung by and found exactly what qualified as a "positive review." opheliaZ's oZgate Review: The Hawaiian native says this site is "a mediocre class project gone mad. It's unorganized, unplanned and uncalled-for hypertext sprawl. It's a mangled mass of me." It's actually pretty cool, a real solid addition to the Information Superhighway. Can you hear her squeal? First of all, I wrote more than half of it (and didn't see a cent). When you don't have anything nice to say, quote heavily, I guess. Secondly, I'm not a "Hawaiian native." I guess after I get everyone on Earth to start putting the `okina in Hawai`i, I'm going to have to launch a campaign to get it into people heads that Hawaiians are not to Hawai`i as Iowans are to Iowa. Native Hawaiians are a special group, and there aren't that many people left who can call themselves a kanaka maoli (genuine person) of the islands. We're talking people who often have to figure their ethicities into the fractions to claim Hawaiian ancestry. (And this is coming from someone whose about as Hawaiian as a Pez dispenser.) Since this particular rant is familiar to hundreds of Hawai`i residents who are forced to endure dumb nicknames when traveling to the Mainland, I'll stop it here. Third, I think they said "Information Superhighway" only to annoy me (that phrase was one of the first things to go onto my list of things that suck page). Finally... "Can you hear her squeal?" E kala mai (excuse me)? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Pardon me. Ahem. It's an honor just to be reviewed. And I could've done worse -- out of five Excite points I got three, oddly enough making my rating "Triple X."