things that make me wet.

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dateline: oZism

12 november 1996 9:20 p.m.

Valuable lessons I learned today: Wear boots. Don't run. Look before grabbing an umbrella. Drive around puddles. I'd complain 'bout the weather, but at this point I'm just thankful I'm alive. I now know what the most humiliating way to die is: Slipping while en route to a Taco Bell, performing a shuffling number that would put Ginger Rogers to shame, and cracking your skull open while a long line of ATM patrons looks on. I experienced all but the last step of this prescription for disaster today. The most embarassing part wasn't nearly tearing the sleeve off a perfect stranger's shirt. No, not at all. The worst part was having my little dance elict a full-blown Near Death Experience, with the whole "life flashing before your eyes" thing, and having to witness my own mind's dramatization of the fatal flop at the end. I love rain. But it can get old real quick. Sure I came home with a nicer, larger and less ugly umbrella than I left with, but it's not like I'll be able to use it... at least for the rest of this semester. I probably can't return it, anyway... I don't remember which pile of umbrellas I pulled it from. Topping it all off, there's either a hole in my car's roof or somewhere in the floor, because there's practically a puddle inside, which means by Friday there'll be that distinctive "phew car" smell. Though I was pretty dead set on seeing "Sleepers" when I first heard about it, a friend's one-word review convinced me to pass on it. At least for now. (Will's Word of the Week is "sodomy.") So, we went for Derek's choice -- "Set it Off." Honestly, heading into it, I was pretty sure I was going to be gritting my teeth the whole way through. For me, the only thing worse than a gratuitous gansta flick is watching the wannabe gangstas in Aiea trying to look down 'n' dirty in their gold-plated Acuras. I was expecting a cross between "Waiting to Exhale" and "Thelma and Louise." While there was that -- and a good serving of the kind of hip-hop that gives me hives (Bone Thugs... puh-leeez!) -- it really wasn't that bad. (You know, her music aside, Queen Latifah is a pretty good actress.) Don't think I've got the energy for a review. Especially since I didn't pay that much attention to the movie... Macht nicht, though -- there's lots more to go. We're trying to nail down our itinerary, but there's just too much out there right now. My movie addiction comes in waves, and I'm definitely peaking right now. My "Films to See" list is getting about as long as my "CDs to Buy" and "Books to Read" lists (and come to think of it, I haven't touched the latter in months). There's "Ransom," "The Associate" (just for Whoopi), "Thinner" (highly reccommended, though few Stephen King adaptations impress me) and that Barbra Streisand movie. I also want to see "Romeo and Juliet" again, too. It never ends. I won't rest 'til "Evita" comes out, I have to see Glenn Close as Cruella DeVil in "101 Dalmations," and my inner trekkie is starting to get swept up in the shameless hype over "First Contact." (It's a true fact: 99 percent of all Americans have inner trekkies, and the other one percent is lying.) Don't even get me started on my "Videos to Rent" list. Okay, my modem's posessed. Furthest it's getting tonight is a fuzzy sounding dial tone -- the dialing doesn't seem to register at all. Did I say I love this weather?