Kat,

If Derek never declares his undying love to you, let me just say that you are so rad that I would forsake everything, move back to Hawaii, and spend out the rest of my days serving your every whim.

Well, not really, but hey, it's the thought that counts.

Anyway! Welcome to the Cult of the Tamagotchi. My first one just died, became and angel, went back to its home planet, whatever. It was 14 Tamagotchi years old.

Resistance is Futile.

I want the LEGO Concentration Camp! As a wee lad, I loved LEGOs! They were the toy of imagination, with no enforced way to use them. There was no Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader that had to always lose or win. LEGOs were free to become whatever you wanted...

And then they made the LEGO playsets, and everything was shot all to hell. Now, just like every other toy, you HAD to make the LEGOs like a castle, or a ranch, or whatever, and there was no imagination left to it. You didn't even get the option to renovate the theme. It was all designed to be exactly what it looked like on the package.

Let the LEGO Concentration Camp hereafter stand as a symbol of what LEGO has become. A sell out. A mindless waste.

And let's make more LEGO sets!

The LEGO Plantation, complete with Southern Belles, Massah, The Overseer, and scores of black LEGOmen and LEGOwomen to work in the cotton fields.

The LEGO Inquisition, complete with Catholic Priests, Inquisition Chamber Devices, Soldiers, and two types of LEGOpeople, one made from the usual plastic, and the other from flame retardant alloy, so that the guilty will burn and the innocent survive the flame of ordeal.

And for the politically correct:

The LEGO Sioux Tribe, complete with Pocahontas-type LEGOwarriors and maidens, and the subjugated LEGOtribe prisoners, that can be staked out, pulled apart, or otherwise maimed. For a limited time, you can get the LEGObuffalo which you can pretend to use all of the parts of (but never really do).

The LEGO Nanking Massacre, complete with Japanese soldiers and beheaded, raped, and tortured Chinese civilians.

The Helter Skelter Manson LEGO Set, complete with Charlie, Squeeky, and a disemboweled Sharon Tate.

In honor of our 50th State:

The LEGO Hawaii, Part One, complete with a sell-out monarchy, a princess in chains, Protestant missionaries, and throngs of LEGOhawaiians that are more than happy to give up their traditional way of life to embrace the west.

The LEGO Hawaii, Part Two, complete with golf courses, Japanese business men, Shoyu Bunnies, Haole tourists, Polynesian Cultural Center dancers, other misc. Haole, Polynesian, Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, and mixed-race locals, only one out of twenty of which has more than 50% Hawaiian ancestry. For a limited time only, over eighty special sovereignty packs, all of which are essentially identical and can be taken apart and redesigned.

The LEGO Kalaupapa, complete with parts that don't stay together too well.