take me to your leader.

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last seen: contemplating homicide

8 january 1996 9:25 p.m.

I scared someone at Barnes & Noble tonight. Walt, Kellie and a couple of guys from work took me along with them to see "Michael" at Kahala Mall, and after dinner and picking up our tickets we wandered over to the bookstore to digest our Whoppers. Not ten steps in the door, I hissed, "This man must die." Everyone stopped cold. An innocent bystander who was standing across the table looked up at me in shock. There it was. "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus." The Bible of Evil for the modern day, set up on a snazzy display touting John Gray's writings as America's foremost source for relationships. "He's bringing one of his shows here," I said, tipping one book off its little stand for dramatic effect. "I'd go... if I had a gun." Innocent bystander quickly scurried away. Everyone chuckled, nervously. There are few people that haven't endured a John Gray rant out of me, which are instinctively triggered whenever I see his dorky face on TV or when a friend has the misfortune of receiving his dreck as a gift. Though it's painful to admit, I was thusly dishonored by a "friend" a couple of years ago. I'll be lashing out a lot more often now, though, because his "Mars & Venus" woma... I mean, world domination tour is hitting Honolulu this month. "A Workshop for Couples & Singles!" cheers this newspaper ad. "Entertaining & Enlightening!" And on the evening's brainwashing agenda: Understanding Martians & Venusians Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex How the Past Affects Relationships How to Keep the Passion Alive The price to hear a man in a non-threatening sweater reaffirm the sexist beliefs of chauvanists in a way that makes them sound legitimate? $69 per person. Cute. Even more sinister, you've really got to read the fine print. The Honolulu "seminar" will in fact be presented by one of Gray's zealots, Michael Najaran, who was "personally trained and appointed" by Gray. "Dr. Gray will not be present," it disclaims. Lucky for him. (Apparently, Najaran also dispenses advice on the John Gray website. As an aside, here's one gem he offers when a Disciple of Gray complains about a wife that won't join the cult: "One difficulty that you point out is that many books and seminars help women to understand why they feel the way the do and do not help them give their men what they really need." And really, isn't keeping men happy all that really matters?) I have no doubt my distaste for Mr. Gray seems a little overblown. I can't really explain why he makes me see red so quickly. Half the men I know spout off the very same stereotypes and cliches, and discount the views of women for the same reasons. I guess it's just that his methods are just so insidious. His self-created title of "doctor," all the slick marketing and sincere-sounding prose lends him an air of authority that people -- too confused or too lazy to figure out what's really going on between couples -- are quick to accept someone who confirms things they'd otherwise (and rightly) be reluctant to believe. Why try to overcome stereotypes when "Dr. Gray" prescribes them? Although I rarely follow anything brewing on the web, I'm giddy about the flap over Gray's recent interview with "Yahoo Internet Life." It's a must read for anyone on the verge of being sucked into his warped world. There are many, many things he says that are so preposterous, they're not even funny. "Sex was always for the man," he asserts. "What's this sex for the woman thing?" Or, "This is all this feminist stuff that came in, and women are brainwashed with that." Susan -- whose rebuttal site was among the first links I had on my homepage (back when it literally was a page) -- did an outstanding job of showing Gray's warm and fuzzy, metaphor-ridden writing to be the sexist propoganda it was. Now, he has gone and exposed his "what to say to get blow jobs" agenda all by his lonesome. It's tragic. This man's books are among the best selling in the nation. And we wonder why, in many ways, women are still struggling more than they have to. Word of the Day: "evil" lawehala (la- veh- ha- la) Lawehala keia haumana a ke kauka ho`opunipuni. "This student of the false doctor is evil." (Evil this student of the doctor false.) After I calmed down, resigning myself to lambasting Barnes and Noble for its miniscule and sorely overpriced music section, we headed back for the movie. I still have mixed feelings on this John Travolta revival, but even in the '90s he's worked out in films more often than he hasn't. He wouldn't be my first pick to play an angel, but as this particular angel -- grungy, fat and crude -- he was perfect. Even though there's a part of me that didn't think "Michael" was all that hot, I had to give it points for simple charm. It was cute, in the best sense of the word. Besides, I think any movie -- especially these days -- that can tell a decent story with barely an ounce of special effects deserves a lot of credit. But just a warning: Like in "Pulp Fiction," Travolta appears shirtless in this film, and it is not pretty. Walt somehow convinced Kelly to join him for late night coffee, and left it to me to make it clear to everyone else that we were not included. After dessert at Kahala's G-rated Bubbies (where the "Multiple Orgasm" becomes the "Multiple Organism"), we headed our seperate ways. And here I am eating increasingly stale kaki mochi and popcorn, reinstalling System 7.5 for the second time in as many days. I still love Macs. I still love Macs. I still love Macs. (I hate my handwriting. I hate my handwriting. I hate my handwriting.) I've given up trying to figure out what happened. All I know is after a few hundred attempts my baby started up once, and I shoved the first installation disk in faster than you can say "Welcome to Macintosh." So I don't get the dreaded "question-mark disk" anymore, but I don't think the modem software likes the system software very much. It locks up before I can even dial. The fight over the modem port only ends in a stalemate. I remember running into this problem when I first got this thing, but I can't remember what I did. So I've been deleting a bunch of stuff, but now even less works. I probably should have reconsidered that strategy.