Marriage Humour...

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. (--- Jim Backus)
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. (--- David Bissonette)
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. (--- Noel Coward, 1956)
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. (--- Zsa Zsa Gabor)
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. (--- Zsa Zsa Gabor)
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. (--- Sacha Guitry)
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. (--- Lisa Hoffman)
She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. (--- Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee)
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. (--- Groucho Marx)
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. (--- Jackie Mason)
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. (--- Montaigne)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. (--- Socrates)
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. (--- Lana Turner)
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. (--- Mae West)
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence, Life Sentence!!.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Don't marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you can't live without.
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Actually, should the truth be known, there are a lot of good ways to "handle" a woman. Unfortunately, not a man alive knows any of them.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
Did any of you other married guys out there ever wonder whether it's better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won?
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, a good cook, and great in bed. But the law allows only one wife.
One woman's hobby is usually another woman's hubby.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car or the wife is new.