March 8, 1999 [Written on January 6, 1999]

I'm going to touch a subject that's a huge "no-no". I'm certain someone will be offended, or angered, or irritated... I'm also pretty sure that this may 'disturb' some friends, or put them in an awkward or defensive position. They may even be angry at me, or simply puzzled. I have no intention to cause certain feelings among anyone of you; least of all negative feelings. I simply know the range of reactions I'm going to get -- with or without my knowledge. That's okay.

I'm writing this for myself, to try and address certain things inside. I invite you to listen and to ponder, but no one's forcing you to read this. If it offends you, I'm sorry you felt that way, but I do not apologize for what I've said. If by some miracle, you actually agree with me... take heed that I could be wrong, and I would ask you to continue searching yourself for what is right. If you disagree... er, let's say flames go to a very special place in my hard disk.

My homepage has from time to time given impressions that are far from truth. I don't deliberately try to give many impressions. But from time to time, I'm mistaken for a Wiccan, or a married woman (?), or an American, or much older than I actually am. And sometimes I read emails to me, kindly and subtly introducing me to the Christian God. On a sidenote, I have also been invited to explore another religion, but its name escapes me. It reminded me of Buddhism.

Sometimes... it even surprises friends that I am, indeed, Christian. No, I am not a non-practicing Christian. Or a Christian who hates the Church. Yes, I believe in the existence in one God. And I believe in Jesus and salvation by his blood.

Likewise, I would suppose that it would surprise, or even shock, my Christian friends that I have many close friends who are Wiccan, agnostic, or otherwise.

Yes, so I am radical... but not so radical as to think 'anything goes'. I get disturbed when many friends think I think that way, but I know it's not their fault, really. Whatever impressions they have of me, I must have had a hand in it somehow.

[Before I go further, and at the risk of being flamed, lynched or seriously harmed in any way, I'm going to say that I'm going to focus more on Wicca and Christianity, because I find my faith challenged the most then...especially when so many people I care and respect are Wiccan. Please, do not think I am addressing/attacking you in particular. I am merely sharing thoughts.]

It hurts when I see a lot of Wiccan friends having to struggle with the bias and prejudice against them. It exasperates me when I see the stupidity, ignorance and arrogance they have to put up with. I about am ready to tear my hair out when I see the Church abusing its power and influence. And I go into a real conflict when I see so-called Christians behaving in the most un- Christian-like manner.. I've spent a long time feeling apologetic to my non- Christian friends for the wrong-doings done by my 'fellow' Christians. And I do still feel ashamed, sometimes, for the ignorance and arrogance... and I feel anger for the people who dare call themselves Christians but who knows not an inkling of what being Christian is like.

But... I am also tired of the general attacks on Christians and Christianity.

I have tried to be humble in my faith... when instead, I bordered so closely on feeling ashamed of my faith. It took me a long time to question myself and really search myself, and while I am not exactly perfect in my faith, far from it, I do still believe. And yes, I will continue to try to be humble... but not ashamed. Yes, ashamed for people who call themselves Christians who obviously aren't.. ashamed for all the wrong-doings done in the name of "Christianity".. ashamed for the bigotry, the corruption in "Christianity"... but not for my faith.

We live in a world where we define reality our own reality. This is a branch off from post-modernism, and although I'm no expert nor do I even pretend to understand its basics.. feel we've defined "religion" into something else over the past few years. This is partly why I've tried to avoid using the word religion, and I would use the word "faith", but then upon using the word, I ran into a misunderstanding with a friend where our definition of faith didn't agree. Words are so hard to use these days... with terms being redefined at whimsy. In any case, the meaning of religion has been lost.. or abused.

I just heard that "religion" was a means of "brain-washing". Prime candidate: Christianity. Oh, but it wasn't meant that way. That's the sad part, because I know the accusation has some truth. There's a lot of "Accept, don't question" mentality in church. "Stay away from these things:" and the list is never ending. A lot of rules, a lot of guidelines. Geez, it's a prison! But it's not. I'm not going to preach Christianity here, though... I just know that a lot of things have been pumped into Christians that I think shouldn't be.

One basic truth in Christianity is about choice, or freedom of. And freedom of choice is not freedom of choice if it's not respected. A lot of Christians forget that; instead, they remember they've got to convert as many people as they know. Quick, fast, on-the-double, you're saved, next! To my Christian friends, you cannot force belief. If you think you can, perhaps you should consider waking up to the world you're really living in. But to my non- Christian friends ... the original intention of sharing the news of God and his promise, yadda-yadda-yadda... is not to force our belief on you. It's not to condemn you (and I'm so sorry if someone has). Neither is it to mock you.

I believe there is salvation in Christ, and that it's offered to anyone who wants it. I believe with the acceptance of this salvation, there's a promise that is given to you, very clearly. I do not know what will happen if you do not accept the Lord. If as a Christian you believe that lack of an open declaration that one is Christian means instant condemnation, well.. I can't be that sure. Are you God that you decide who goes where (as in heaven or hell?) All I do know is that, I believe 1) God to be a wholly just God, and 2) that the acceptance of Christ is a promise that's never broken. In other words, it's a sure thing. Or rather, I believe it to be a sure thing.

And sharing that news shouldn't be done in a manner that reminds me of one of those see-how-many-you-can-convert schemes. You remember those schemes they have you do in school.. selling candy bars? Getting prizes for how many you sell? What prizes, Christians, are you trying to get? Do you expect to be rewarded for being high-and-mighty; for being cruel and unkind; for being a bigot; or for using the name of God to scold someone?

Some Christians are as disgusted with the manner in which many try to "convert" people. There's even a letter that falls in my mailbox from time to time. It's to Christians from a Christian about Wicca... asking Christians to just stop it. To let everyone be. I applaud his/her courage to speak up, but I don't think stopping the sharing of God is the right way to go [for a Christian]. Stopping persecution, the stuffing religion down peoples' throats.. Of course, we should stop that. But stopping the news?

It's sort of like this: I know in my heart something to be true. An answer, if you like. I believe it's true, universally, though I should also keep in mind I could be dead wrong. And then I see someone else having another answer. Yes, there is a possibility that person could be right. But I think it would be wrong of me to keep my answer to myself. How selfish would I be to keep the what I believed is right to myself, even though it could be wrong. Or rather, how afraid I might be to be wrong--and what respect do I deserve for that? Or how ridiculous would I be to risk 'offending' someone. [Reminds me of a student who thinks a teacher is wrong... but is unwilling to point it out] Sharing the news about God is just like sharing the answer. I believe it to be true, and I owe it to myself and to anyone I care about to share with. Not to do so would be, perhaps, being untruthful to that person and to myself.

This is by no means comprehensive or definitive... I may look back on this and cringe at all the "ridiculous notions I had." However, perhaps the main purpose of this Scribble is to remind myself to hold a little humility, a little pride for my own beliefs ...and a lot of respect --all around.

Other current Scribblings: Mar 8, 1999

More Previous Scribblings

This page is kindly provided for by GeoCities.

Copyright © 1996-1999 Juliana Ng