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April 18, 1998

I'm going through some sort of life crisis.

I'm getting old.

Ooh, okay, that sounded like a good opening at the time I thought of it. Yes, yes, we're getting older every nanosecond that flies by. If only biologically, but I guess we're more aware of that during our personal new year's... unless you're at the point where you've forgotten when your birthday is.

No, today ain't my b'day. It's two days from now, and I'll be turning... HAH! ...email me about it if you're that curious.

To be truthful, I don't feel old. Actually, for the first time in a very long time I felt young. [Of course, that was right after I'd received a card with an old lady that looked like she was about to croak. "That is not me!" (<checks in the mirror, makes comparisons and wipes sweat beads off of my forehead>--phew!) Anyway...] Much too young to be my age. I gotta be... I ain't ready to grow up!

Remember when the "teens" were such a far-away grand stage of life? As an adolescent, you pretended to be as "grown-up" as a "teen", but you know it's not quite true. You were still a kid. And while a teenager was one step closer to reach than being an adult, they were still...older. Then the next thing you know, you're turning 20 and you wonder where on earth did those teenage years go? It's that sort of forward-backwards-forward (in other words, young-old-young... or if you like, old-young-old) feeling.

Or maybe you have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about. One of those lucky ones who grew up normally. ;-)

I don't know if I'm "old" or "young" anymore. Not from the intellectual point of view, but from deep down. And furthermore, I don't know which way I feel 'bout it. To put it plain and simple, I'm in denial. [But I'm too YOUNG to be in denial!! (heh.)]

Birthdays can bring the weirdest out of people. Maybe I'll just stay home and read a good book or two. It's only one day out of 365 days this year. I'll get over it; I'll survive... I'll be wiser and better because of it... yeah... Then again, I could just be old-er.

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