Previous Scribbles:
October 25, 1997

A tip for the unknowing. If you meet a person who says she met her boyfriend through the 'net and he lives on the other side of the world, don't call what she has a cyber-relationship. The term preferred is long-distance relationship. It's a relationship not merely restricted to the cyberworld... contrary to what many people think.

I didn't have problems accepting the idea of LDRs. Within the first year of cyberspace on another network system..oh..seven years ago, I knew a couple who fell in love and married. They had a lovely baby boy. I thought that was great. But over the years, I realized many people don't think that's normal. In fact, for some people, it's taboo. And while I have grown to understand some of their reasons, I still can remember that first couple's happiness, I've learned a couple of other things..seen both the good and bad, and my opinion still stands.

If you believe that it's possible to make friends, real good friends, on the 'net, then you should be able to understand how possible it is to fall in love with someone you haven't met. There's this person you share with, through email and chat, your laughter, your worries, your tears, your hopes, your dreams.. and with all that sharing, you begin to learn about this person...and you begin to notice little things.. Somewhere along the line, you go on and catch yourself hoping she or he is on... until one day, it hits you. You've fallen in love. (My apologies to those who have experienced falling in love on the 'net, for they know how this paragraph doesn't even come close in describing what happens.)

Love isn't something that you can rationalize with. You can't pick who you love. You can't sit down and make a list about a person and tell your heart, okay, this is the guy that's perfect. You say to yourself, "He's so nice... so why can't I fall in love with him??" Likewise, you can't make yourself fall in love with someone no more than you can make yourself not fall in love with someone.

Ah, but after falling in love with a person whom one has never seen.. Some pretty brutal questions have to asked...and answered. To quote an Evita song, "Where do we go from here?" To be fair, I do know some who have said "Let's just stay friends." But there are also many who have said, "Wherever the road goes, let's try it together".

In my previous Scribble, I talked about how people can be opposed to this idea. Well, there are also people who are just..obsessed with it. They go searching for their "one and only" on the 'net.. Sometimes they're successful, others not. This reminds me of a "granny-moment." One wise granny said, "You can't find love. Love finds you." Aren't grannies wonderful?

LDRs are not easy. They may sound romantic, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's a judgement call. Whether you should to get involved in an LDR is something only you can decide for yourself. Imagine rarely being able to touch your loved one, even if at all. Or not being able to see the way s/he smiles. Imagine not being able to give a gift personally, having to trust postal services, and then hear that it didn't get there. Imagine not being able to hug after a bad day. Loneliness isn't only because you don't have someone... It's also pretty darn lonely when you do have someone, and s/he's not there.

So, if it's so hard..why do people try it? I've found a few pages that just humbled me.. they belong to couples who lives miles apart, but have a love so great, they survive. To quote Lao Tze (uh oh, philosophical ambiguity alert): "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

They're a special breed, these LDR'ers. Not only do they face normal difficulties as in any relationship, they also face the difficulties caused by distance. A special breed, receiving both mockery..and admiration.

Back to Previous Scribbles

This page is kindly provided for by GeoCities.

Copyright © 1996-1997 Juliana Ng