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ADVICE WANTED
I was born at 11:48 AM on October 1, 1961 in Cleveland, Ohio.Once upon a
time I was a very proper member of the first presby. church and committed to
God and Jesus --- outta fear. I excelled at my Sunday school lessons and
even aspired to learn the bagpipes so I could play them for the congegation
on Easter as was the tradition in my church. I was quite the typical
welsh/scottish/german crossbreed. Curly red-brown hair, blue eyes, in awe of
my parents and "god fearing". I learned well that those things without
structure and orderly action were bad, evil, or likeways not to be given my
attentions. The Way was to be that of my church - orderly, democratic,
structured. See, having risen against the Engilsh as a protestant faction
under John Knox the Presby. church is run by voting congregations who elect
officers, elders and decons. Everything is done democratically - vote,
vote, vote, vote, vote. I liked this because it seemed so easy and fair.
Everything was right between me and my God. He layed down the law, Rev.
Bill Gross told us what it was, we listened well and as long as I didn't get
caught playing with the Irish Catholic kids down the street everything would
be fine. Then I turned 15 years old.
I have always been much older than my years. It has been a mixed blessing.
Raised around a large number of adults I expanded my vocabulary and
interests much faster than my age mates. When I was little I often would
prefer to sit under the table and play quietly while listening to adult
discussions than to go to the next room and play "dolls" or "cars" with the
rest of the kids. Relatives thought I was charming, other kids thought I was
"really smart, really sneaky" and teachers thought I was "a bit too
unattached to school lessons". Teachers were fond of saying "Borsi spends a
great deal of time in an imaginative world where the class and lessons don't
come to bare" (a quote from my elementary school head shrinker).
They were right. I didn't fit but I had "various unique qualities".
Listening to grownups talk politics, stocks and domestic ruin gave me a
double edged sword. Dick and Jane primers couldn't hold my attention but I
could tell you how to win a rock fight in 5 minutes with half the troops of
the host you were pitted against. I didn't fit you see. Order dictates
that you should LIKE to read Dick and Jane, that you SHOULD NOT throw rocks
at other kids - especially the ones with professional parents who know their
way through the courts. I began to encounter a growning number of instances
where structure, order and democratic principels were placing me at odds
with my kin, age mates and the almighty WORD!
I turned 15 and the s__t hit the fan. One day In confirmation class I dared
to question the validity of christian teachings on sexual abstainance. BAD
move. How could such a sweet and charming youth question such a thing.
Surely I was at risk of falling victim to some lusty creature who should see
my weakness and pounce!!! Surely some catholic (we knew they f____d more
than they confessed otherwise how could there be so darn many of them) would
seduce me before I reached my next birthday!! Mr. Freeland, my confirmation
teacher and the Almighty's Elder of Christian Education in our church,
informed on me. Parents were told, my friends parents were told, the
congregation was told (quietly of course) and all stood ready to prevent my
downfall. They were a bit late though in preventing my downfall. I had lost
my virginity the year before on vacation in upstate Wisconsin. That was the
beginning of my sex life and love career so to speak. I was much more
fortunate than others. This long distance affair lasted 4 years and was
truly beautiful, fair and right outta a story book. My accomplice is now a
fundamentalist preacher and I, well I'm a shamanic hermit!!
Yes, by gumm the system found me out. I had asked an innocent and well
meant question and the forces of order, democracy, etc. had decided to crush
me rather than render an answer that was outside the presby. party line.
Democracy and order were beginning to sound like rattling chains. I was
beginning to wonder if there was more to that image of a shepard and flock
relationship than I had noticed before. As one can imagine this happened
repeatedly as I defied common sense and queried about other religions,
political systems, black people, and on and on. The hole was getting deeper
but as someone once said "That which does not destroy us makes us stronger".
Time to go underground.
Other things that nobody else knew about (except one very close friend) were
happening in the secret resesses of my soul. A woman has come to me
periodically since my 15th year. The first time was on a camping trip with
friends. In a dream I was visited, or more properly CONFRONTED, by a woman
who, in this dream, stood about 6 inches in front of me staring at me
through true gray eyes. In the dream I had felt her presence beside my bed
and, being startled, rose up to meet her. Athletic build, broad shoulders,
long blue-black hair, and slate blue skin she stood there clad in my
favorite red flannel shirt and leaning on a claymore. The look on her face
was staring and smiling - Engrossingly beautiful but equally like a death
grimice this grin was hypnotic. The eye to eye stare down with this 6 foot
woman seemed to last for hours with no words or motion or activity around
us. The dream ended with me alone standing next to the bed wondering where
she had gone. The feelings this evoked were strong and primal to say the
least. I would have to say I felt she had come to 1) make it unmistakably
clear she was around, 2) challenge me in some way, or, let me know she would
be watching my actions, and, 3) awaken in me some very viseral emotions.
Upon waking I was filled with heart-racing lust, utter terror and pure
admiration of HAVING MET A "BEING" all at once. These feelings stayed with
me for several days - a dream obsession. I of course, came to believe it
was a product of my age and life stage and attributed it to hormones. It
made me feel very guilty because of my staunch christian up-bringing said
nothing about visitations from blue people. Nothing good at least.
I met her again in a gripping series of dreams between the ages of 17 and
21. Again virtually the same dream but with varied elements. Sometimes she
appeared in a short blue cloak or an unbuttoned blue shirt. Always with a
claymore and always with a knowning stare. In one dream I founder walking
about my office inspecting things. Once she was leaning against my
livingroom wall playing with a piece of string and seeming to be waiting for
something to happen. In all instances the dream ends in a stare down. It
is not a contest but more akin to a vulcan mind meld or "files/compare"
command. So the second dream series ends and being heavy into punk rock and
LSD I write it off to flash backs.
There are two instances later in life (one at 28-29 and one at 31) which
have seen her animated and communicative. Once when I addressing a group of
citizens in a public meeting she appeared in the hall outside the doorway.
Pacing back and forth and making stupid faces at me while I attempted to
give a well delivered speech. This was while I was in a waking state and
very aware of the "reality" surrounding me. It was as if I would frequently
catch glimpses of her as she walked past the door way. The faces and
lude/comical jestures she made were as much directed at the others in the
room as they were toward me. I was clearly the only one to view this and
she seemed to know that perfectly well. Feelings of kinship were evoked in
me. Here is an old friend stepping in to cut the tension and let me know
these people listening to my speech sould be the last thing on my mind. It
seemed that she was saying "If you won't pay attention to me I'll act
childish and make you suffer. Equally she seemed to imply that she'd make a
bigger ass of herself so nobody would notice my errors.
In many instances I had to keep from snickering and looking to the back of
the room because the crowd would turn around to see what I was looking at.
The most "corpral" visitation came while a friend named Linda was doing a
tarot reading for me. She felt as if there was someone behind her. The
feeling became much stronger as she said afterwords, "The bitch is big! She
came into me from above and behind and pushed me down into my toes!" During
the reading Linda told me about this woman as being very strong -
superhuman. She said she was not a woman but a "really old force" that was
taking human/female form to relate better to me. Linda felt the woman
wanted to posess me because I was a prospect with promise. Linda felt the
"force" as she named it was so vast and faultless that it was even sinister
(a giant paradox - linda hates paradox). Linda described her effort to
throw the woman out of her body as futile. She stated "I tried and she
wouldn't go away and then she made my chest so heavy I couldn't breathe"
Needless to say, Linda was totally freaked by the presence, the detailed
impressions she received and the fact that nothing like that had ever
happend to her before. I was impressed by the fact that Linda described the
woman as clearly as I had always seen her. This is something Linda could
have absolutely no knowledge of before that night. It took her nearly two
months before she'd discuss spiritual things with me again let alone give me
a reading.
All of the above is true. Linda believes that the woman is interested in me
and is testing me. Linda's "posession left her feeling that the woman wants
to see how long I can hold out in her presence without "breaking the stare"
by touching her (she's astoundingly beautifully formed and a cool shade of
gun-metal blue). She feels if I break the stare and attempt to posess her
she will consider me fallen and lose interest in me as a prospect. Lind
says, "just wait, if you give in she'll eat you alive and that'll be it".
I don't know that I agree with Linda. By her own admissions Linda is
"pretty prudish about sex" and "prefers not to take risks with the spirit
world". I feel differently though, Sexual aspects of the dreams are not
what sticks with me as the salient feature. Its the challenge. The dare in
the stare. The amusement in the woman's eyes. She evokes a healthy fear in
me but never a fear of a stranger. Rather, the fear you feel when one you
know is powerful is present in the room. A tension one might feel knowing a
great deal of really old power was hanging around the room. If something
were to alarm the power and you'd be at ground zero whether you wanted to be
or not. Never have I felt her to mean me harm. I don't feel she visits me
in search of a victim.
This is what I mean to ask. Who is this woman, what is her agenda and
purpose, where can I find clues in the literature, how should I respond to
this. I have pondered this a great deal. So much that I do not trust my
own questing thoughts on the matter. Now I reach out to you and any others
for additional input so I might use the knowledge of others as extra lenses
for viewing.
In my solitary practice my leanings have always been toward the crafts of
the norse peoples. This was not my first choice but one that resurfaces time
and again as very strong. I have a strong sense of identity with my
scottish line of ancestry and my real last name is of danish/scottish
origins so I find this normal. It is in that light that I have viewed her.
Still ponder as I may I am confounded as to who she is. She has never given
her name nor even a clue.
I have in recent years (3 to be exact, I am 34 now) taken to organic farming
and herbalism. I run an organic farm and food brokerage as a side business
and means of wholistic subsistance. This has broadened my interest to
include an interest in wicca. I have been compelled to seek like-minded
souls. It has been difficult to find such folks especially in my area.
I have also acquired the skills of dowsing/divination which, at times are
very powerful. Locating lost items, property lines and archeological sites
most often but also future events and people's motivations as well. The
latter two categories I approach with EXTREME CARE only after long
contemplation of my inner motives. Each time I have pondered whether ritual
summons might reveal the woman's identity and intentions to me I am left
with the clear feeling that it is not for me to DO. It may be for me to
KNOW but it is not for ME to ask.
I would ask this of you and any you might share this letter with. Consider
this and through the means of your choosing, enquire for me. Ask "them"
that you might know this woman's name and intentions. Ask her for me in
ritual or otherwise and share with me your knowledge and insite. I can only
benefit here from anything you might learn.
I believe your response can only broaden my understanding and strengthen my
resolve to build a beautiful path of self-knowledge. I do not charge you
with this but leave it as an offer with no commitments required.
I look forward to your thoughts on the above. You had asked for spiritual
matters and it seems I have shared most of my life story - oops!!! I have a
Libra mouth!!!!
What ever the case I do truly wish you the very best.
Gods bless!!
Borsi Tebroc
If you feel anyone else could shed some lite please feel free to forward it
on to them. I can be e-mailed at If there is any
way for this to be posted for general hit responses I'd like to know.
Boris Tebroc Reply to Boris Reply to Me-I'll pass it along to Boris, you can remain anonymous.
REPLY TO BORSI TEBROC
Greetings and peace brother. My name is Raymundo Wesley and I am a Ranist Priest. I was inducted in 1994 at the Temple of Dardur, and am also practicing Qaballistic Magic. Without getting to long and complex clerical and mythological ideals, ramifications, and details; I'll say this- It would seem that you are experiencing some form of a Harpy that is attempting to imitate a Visnu Angel. This is a very unstable and dangerous manifestation. If it were a true Golpi, it would not be so physically developed (ie: large breasts), and would have, by the second contact, given you orgasmic nirvana beyond anything you have yet experienced. Golpi's, according to Visnu-Jainist-Hindi Mytho;logy, are male or female spirits, who, evry dawn, race to a sacred river to become Krishna's concubine. Upon Krishna's climax, They become blue, grow to giant (6'-6.5') proportions and become mischevious/ playful Guardian Angels. They become somewhat 'androgenic' physically, however. Harpy's can, like the berserkers of your beloved Northern Mythologies, imitate any other entity to fool and entice. I also believe that you have set yourself up for this entity to take advantage of you. Your neo-sexual fantasy ideals on this are manifesting this Harpy into a seductress. I would not advise that sexual contact with this Harpy would be safe. I think at this point you would be better off manifesting a less dangerous erotic outlet. I may sound like an alarmist, but I have both first hand and second hand experiences with Golpis and Harpys. I do not know how much practical magical/ spiritual experience you have, but please be careful. If you need any further information, contact, or bibliographical references, please contact Mr Hull at the Mystical Realm. I will be very glad to assist. You have a most excellent writing style, by the way. Peace and Grace of the One who goes forth by day be upon you. Raymundo
REPLY TO BORSI
I feel Boris should ignore those who suggest that he
initiate some spiritual contact with the "Blue Woman." In that vein, I would
also argue that the less attention your audience focuses on that "persona"
the better.
In my mind, Boris' visions were hallucinations: in short, they were fully
explainable -- yet intensely personal -- manifestations of archetypal
imagery. Despite their spiritual and cultural intensity, the origins of
these images are mundane. I would argue that Boris' subconcious mind used
the "Blue Woman" visions to make Boris aware of the tensions between
"masculine" and "femine" aspects of his personality. For the most part,
these tensions seem to relate to the "crisis" involved in the facing of
internal struggles; In particular, the "Blue Woman" seems to represent
Boris' seemingly antithetical needs to utilize ("masculine") self-assertion
(ie. the Hero, Knight or Warrior) and his desire to maintain a sense of
isolated ("femine") integrity (ie. the High Priestess or Hieriophant).
With that said, I still would hope to disuade any attempt to link these
sub-concious images with a supernateral "Other." I do not pretend to know
what spiritual forces exist beyond humanity. Nonetheless, most
Judeo-Christian mysicism asserts that unwholesome entities DO exisit -- and
that they are attracted to any potential access to the human realm. In
attaining their ends, these spirits always are more than happy to use
deceitful means.
In their attempts to raise the "Blue Woman" to the status of independent
sentience, Boris' would-be advisors may create a dangerous "psychic space."
With regard to some awful "Otherness," the "Blue Lady" persona could be used
as a deceptive mask. Once "Something Else" had inserted itself into the
lives of the summoners (or Boris himself), it might feel free to alter or
drop the mask. At that point, the situation could become decidely less
pleasant.
In his original request, Boris seemed to be seeking some peace-giving answers
to some strange -- but not especially threatening -- past experiences. In
that light, I cannot imagine that he would want to further complicate his
curret situation.
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