MAMMA JOKES

MAMMA JOKES

So Stupid....
Yo mamma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mamma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mamma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Your mamma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Your mamma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mamma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mamma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mamma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo mamma so stupid she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.

Yo mamma so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mamma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo mamma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo mamma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course

Yo mamma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book

Yo mamma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo mamma so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying "Hi! Hitler"

Yo mamma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg

Yo mamma so stupid She went to Disney world and saw a sign that said "Disney world Left" so she went home.

Yo mamma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "guess" so she said Levi's

Yo mamma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read

Yo mamma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

So Old......
Yo mamma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!

Yo mamma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'

Yo mamma so old I told her to act her own age, and the b**ch died.

Yo mamma so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mamma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mamma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!

Yo mamma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mamma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mamma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mamma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.

Yo mamma so old she's blind from the big bang

Yo mamma so old even God calls her mother!

So Ugly.....
Yo mamma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mamma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mamma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mamma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mamma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mamma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo mamma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mamma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mamma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote

Yo mamma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mamma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo mamma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mamma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo mamma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mamma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mamma so u gly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow

Yo mamma so ugly your dad's breath smells like s**t because he would rather kiss her ass.

So Nasty
Yo mamma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

Yo mamma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach

Yo mamma so nasty she made right guard turn left.

Yo mamma so nasty she has to creep up on bath water.

Yo mamma so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.

Yo mamma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off

Yo mamma so nasty lice consider her a great vacation place

Yo mamma so nasty she was declared quarantine since before she was born

Yo mamma so nasty she joined the four horseman: war, death, famine, disease and Yo mamma

Yo mamma so nasty she went swimming and now we have the dead sea

Yo mamma so nasty skunks run from her

MORE MAMMA JOKES..
DUMB...
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks manual labor is a Mexican!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Your Mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Your Mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section w/a fishing rod.
Your Mama's so stupid, she needs a ruler beside her bed to see how long she can sleep.
Your Mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged.
Your Mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money
Your Mama's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Your Mama's so stupid, when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, She went home and got 16 friends
Your Mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

UGLY...
Your Mama's so ugly, they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits
Your Mama's so ugly, she'd make a train take a dirt road!
Your Mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your mother!
Your Mama's so ugly, they know what time she were born, because her face stopped the clock!
Your Mama's so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock!
Your Mama's so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Your Mama's so ugly, when she cries the tears run up her face.
Your Mama's so ugly, her mother had to feed her with a sling shot.
Your Mama's so ugly, her mother had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Your Mama's so ugly, her armpits are so hairy it looks like she had Buckwheat in a headlock.
Your Mama's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
Your Mama's so ugly, she has three teeth...one in her mouth & two in her pocket.
Your Mama's breath's so strong, she be blowin' bubbles with Now & Laters.
Your Mama's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Your Mama's so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Your Mama's so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Your Mama's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

FAT...
Your Mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the HOUSE
Your Mama's so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Your Mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Your Mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
Your Mama's so fat, if she got your shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Your Mama's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
Your Mama's so fat, she has to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.
Your Mama's so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
Your Mama's so fat, her yearbook picture was an aerial photo.
Your Mama's so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing Her peanuts.
Your Mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air -- AND GOT STUCK!
Your Mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
Your Mama's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Your Mama's so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Your Mama's so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Your Mama's so fat, she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Your Mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "...to be continued"
Your Mama's so fat, when she tripped over on 4th ave., she landed on 12th
Your Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Your Mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Your Mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
Your Mama's so fat, everytime she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

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