Caia'li was soaked. Not a vague sensation there, soaked and so amazingly cold she kept reaching up, touching her face with pink hands, checking for icicles. With a shudder, the girl tiptoed over to the cupboard in her bare little room, fumbled at the latch and flipped back the lid to reveal white fabric. Crouched on the floor at the foot of her bed, the slender novice pulled out the garment, swiftly throwing it over her dripping head--it wasn't the season for sitting around in one's shift after all--it was dry; she was wet. At that point, nothing seemed important except....she gave a sigh...rolling into her bed and sleeping for a week. Not a chance. Gathering up the sopping length of her hair (so heavy she cursed it) to wrap a leather thong through its blackness. Of course, the minute she let it go, the thong gave and wet hair slapped about her neck uncomfortably.

"Fine." She spoke to the air in general, snatching up a brush instead. If only she could channel a little Air she could.....but no, *novices* weren't allowed to channel without *supervision*. Of course, the reason for her soggy state--the snowball fight--had seemed a fantastic idea, initiated by Rhi'hara and sped on by, including various others, herself, Imbri and Takrin. Until the snow had melted through everyones clothes, and a cold slicing wind had made her decision--wasn't there some nice WARM pots to clean...somewhere?...a feast was all well and good, she supposed, but she *didn't* have a coat of three layers and wasn't equipped to deal with minus-temperatures, unlike her brothers and sisters.

Surely no one would mind...just this once? It was worth the visit to Lyris' study just to channel herself dry--no big, endangering task--and so Caia opened herself to the Source, a split-second concentration after all the practice. The knock at her door startled her into losing what she had been about to gain, and when the door opened to reveal the Mistress of Novices herself, Caia was thankful she'd procrastinated so long.

Dipping absently with a quick spread of skirts, she gave Lyris a curious look.

"Yes, Aes Sedai, was there something you required?" Ok, a little more pert than necessary but---but Lyris was steering her out of her room and marching purposefully down the hall. A mite alarmed, she matched the woman's stride and pulled her arm gently from the Aes Sedai's grasp, all the while keeping one apprehensive golden eye locked on the impassive face. They were approaching her study. Caia's expression leapt into a frown. So today was a bad day to be snippy with Lyris, she got that, but really...was the study the answer? It appeared not. They swept by the Grey Sister's study without a glance, yet instead of relief, Caia was beginning to feel the first surges of apprehension--the fact that the woman had not spoken one word the whole time was also a touch unnerving.

Where was she being taken?

Several flights of stairs down and countless corridors later, they arrived before a thick oak door that had an aura of extreme age. The Mistress of Novices' scent could only be described as 'expectant', and she still did not speak. A thrumming began in the novice's veins, she was resonating in response to whatever was behind that door. Opening her mouth, she was cut off by the Aes Sedai's sharp gesture, and then--all too soon--they were through the door, and Caia had only just enough time to realise how very dense she'd been before Lyris's voice was saying the words to begin her Acceptance.

"Novices are given three chances at this. You may refuse twice to enter, but at the third refusal, you will be sent away from the Tower forever."

No, no, she wasn't ready! There was so much she had to learn, she was unprepared to face this. Not now and yet....her head snapped up, a pride seeping into her bones, into her blood. She aquiesced with a nod of understanding

"Good. Now I will tell you two things no woman hears until she stands where you do. Once you begin you must go on to the end. Refuse at any point and you will put out of the Tower just as if you had refused to begin for the third time. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some have entered and never come out. When the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there." The eyes of the Grey Sister burned the words into Caia's mind.

"...And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Falter, fail and..."

Foreboding lay heavy in the novice's swiftly beating heart, it gave a staccato leap, and she suppressed a shudder. Why else was she here? To strive...What else did she have?

"This is your last chance. Refuse now, and it counts only as the first. You may still try twice more. If you accept now, there is no turning back. It is no shame to refuse, many cannot do it their first times. Choose."

Was she truly ready? The first time? And was there ever an end to all the questions--was there ever an answer?--With a restless, animal gesture she tossed her head away from the responsibility in Lyris' eyes. There it was, glowing softly, seductively, waiting to bring her most terrified imaginings to life....the three Sisters arranged at each curve of the Arches ignored her, concentration full on the ter'angreal, she didn't know any of them, a Blue, two Whites, all waiting.

"I will accept." The words fell like droplets of water into the quivering air, binding. "Then ready yourself." There was no time to hesitate, it was now or never, and the Saldaean had never felt so unprepared in her life. Still, she divested herself of her clothes and placed them regretfully onto the floor, to rise naked and wrapped in the pride of Saldaea, of her father, and the determination of Andor, of her mother.

She stepped with Lyris toward a Yellow-shawled woman, stern and with prestigious grey hairs in her tight dark bun.

"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"

Lyris Sedai replied, "One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance."

"Is she ready?" She would not falter, not in this....

"She is ready to leave behind what was, and, passing through her years, gain Acceptance."

"Does she know her fears?"

"She has never faced them, but now is willing."

"Then let her face what she fears." The words of ceremony rang with ominous grandeur, spiralling up to the vaulted ceiling in mystery and archaic formula. Don't tremble now, it is a beginning...reached through striving.

The first Arch glimmered before her, misleadingly inviting, as Lyris Sedai spoke the words and their meaning was profound to the tall girl. She approached the ter'angreal warily,

"The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Light and the absence of self.

Her long hands pressed against the panels of the door, her ear glued to its hard edges, straining to hear, a smile of delight hovering about her mouth. Why was she smiling? The pale face took on a more serious cast, one that looked quite eerie on a girl of thirteen, too knowing, but then the voice came again to her mind, and with it sprung the instantaneous smile of wonder. She replied, shouting silently,

"Come to me! Come! I would see you, my sisters!" Such an amazing discovery, thought the girl, lower lip caught between her teeth in suppressed excitement.

The voices had been coming more frequently lately, and for once they'd taken notice of her--before, she always felt like an outsider listening in, at least, after the shock of hearing voices in her head wore off--she was so excited! She felt like a six-year old girl again, readying herself to go hunt with her father in the wilds of Saldaea. But they were coming, somehow she could just 'feel' them, on the edges of her awareness, a small group running closer and closer to the town.

The town? A part of her thought with horror, Don't bring them near the town! The girl shook her head irritably, not liking or understanding the sentiments behind the words. They didn't sound half as fun as her friends...It occured to the young Caia that she was being impulsive--again--and should really try to remedy her impetuous behaviour before...

The way back will come but once. Precisely. What? That frown again! All in all, there were too many odd voices in her head today, it was a wonder she ever got anything done.

"Caia! Sweetie!..." Called a light voice--her mother's, the girl realised with disgust--mouth quirking disdainfully at the prospect of her mother coming to talk to her, or worse, *give* her something. Really, she was getting too old for all these trinkets--she only gave them away anyway, to the poor girls she met when she'd escaped from the House--that illicited another smile, remembering how hard it was to escape the guards and stupid serving-women. It wasn't that they were overly bright or cunning, there were just so many of them! Of course, that was the kind of fun she'd had before the voices, and it paled in comparison to what she was about to do this afternoon....if she could avoid her mother that is. What in the Light was she doing up at such an hour? The sun had only just rose and her mother usually stayed abed til gone noon.

"Darling girl, I need you..!" Her lip curled quite violently, and she rolled her eyes dramatically, slipping the door open inch by inch....in order to dart outside into the stable yard. Only the horses saw her race across the cobblestones, a skinny figure in a fine green dress, black hair escaping from some kind of lacey netting foisted on her this morning by her mother. Caia'li pondered getting the Lady Marielle some dolls, so fond she was of dressing *Caia* up, when all she really wanted to do is ride into the sunset.

From an upstairs balcony, a window banged open, and her simpering mother leaned out perilously far. Reaching the gate, Caia whipped about to watch her, pure mischief, and was surprised when she actually heard the woman's words.

"Come inside do, my little ice pepper! Sweeeetling!!" The girl's entire face spasmed with stark horror, and her huge eyes nearly started out of her head at the shrill tone. One of the horses whinneyed in distress. She knew how he felt. Wickedness inherent, the child smiled inanely and waved a frilly hankerchief to her matriarch, teasingly taking a step toward her, before spinning about and running full tilt at the gate.

"Darliiiiiing!?!" Came the frantic cry, as Caia hitched up her skirts and leapt with surprising agility onto the top rung where she flung herself down to race off down the street, tearing off her netting and discarding it joyfully into the gutter. She was laughing as she entered the Square, out of breath and collapsed on the green grass, sending her mind out once more to find her newest friends.

There was a shout, an awful growling followed by a scream and the patter of running feet. Caia'li sat up, concerned--had they come at last?--face flushed, and that was when the words came again.

The way back will come... Whoever it was saying that, she wasn't very friendly, and the Saldaean rubbed her forehead in annoyance.

"Go away." She snapped. "Aaoooh!" was her ululating cry as almost fifteen furry bodies came flying around the corner toward her. Leaping up, she ran to greet them, arms outstretched and still yelling. They had come! Soon she was enveloped in the crush of large wolf bodies--she knew dogs, and these weren't them--ecstatic at being able to call them.

...will come but once... the voice admonished. She thought it was female. Why should they only come once? And she was in their minds, and they her's, with images flashing like wild kaleidoscopes and sensations cascading through her body. Over the happy yips and growls, and her own shouting, the young girl heard angry voices--humans--fearful, they were. Caia emerged from the mass of fur, black hair in disarray, to gape at the mob beginning to fill the Square. She didn't understand, *they* didn't understand, but they wanted out of this place that smelt of two-legs....she wrenched her mind back from theirs, placing a barrier between their thoughts and hers. Everyone was afraid. She saw her mother, fainting it looked, in the arms of her worried father, so many people were calling her, frantically,

The way back will come but once.

"No time!" Yelled Caia'li, rising from her sisters to stumble toward the crowd, she paused, scared of the lack of thought in their faces. Some held torches, many had daggers out....daggers for her friends? Never!

"Get back, Caia!" There was no way she was leaving her friends to these people! If she could just talk to them.....be steadfast. Now that made more sense. The hand she held out was placating, but before she could speak she was snatched up by a burly man and thrown into the clutching hands of the crowd.

"I'll deal with them, don't panic!" He boomed, flailing his torch nervously. Realisation dawned...oh, what had she been thinking??

"Nooo!!" Her scream was one of many, as she was dropped in the sudden surge of men. "Help us, sister! Help us!!" The girl was battered from side to side by stamping feet as the townspeople attempted to kill the wolves on the Square, and she was with all of them, images boiling in her brain as they fell in blood and pain. She was facing away from the Square, from the wolves, and before her staring blue-green eyes an arch appeared, silver and shining. The voice exploded in her head.

The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

Something she had to do on the other side of that arch, something important, people were waiting for her, Caia began to crawl towards it, knees scuffing badly. "Don't leave us! Help! SISTER!!" Sobs were ripped out of her chest as she left her loved ones killing each other, to suffocate in the crush and bleed their last.

Light shattered her soul.

"You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul." Caia'li was unable to rise. The tears would not stop, and she stared sightlessly at her hands.

"I left them..I left them...Creator save me." Cooling water cleansed her from above, echoing her anguished tears but reviving her. Lyris voice cut through her muttered moans of stark denial, and she felt herself being helped up, to stand alone before the second Arch. She swayed.

"The second is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast,"

The way back will come but once...be steadfast. Caia looked up from her white-knuckled hands, momentarily thrown by the odd thought and the responding note it struck deep inside, and attempted to rein in her expanding mind. I can't afford to break yet, she thought coldly, there will be ample time later. Clutching her skirts, a deep scarlet today, too much like the hue of blood--her frivolous thought in the face of such a war--the pale hands twined in the velvet, clenching and unclenching, as the woman cast about for whatever it was she'd been planning to say. Feeling her knees begin to quiver under the table, Caia'li pinned her eyes--red-rimmed from being unable to weep--on the dusty messenger. All bemused, the woman in red watched silently...the man continued to talk, his voice billowing and oscillating from what seemed to be a long way away, down a tunnel perhaps, or lost in the Ways.

"....our deepest regret....must inform you....fell nobly....salvaged the body--"

The Saldaean stood up sharply, unaware of the reflexive backward step the messenger took, eyeing her warily as one might a waking wolf. When her voice came it was distant and cold as death. How fitting. Her eyes saw some scene far away, he hoped--a naive hope--it was of more happy times. He had known her ever since her marriage to his lord, knew from where she'd come and marvelled at her strength of will. It wasn't often a woman, training all those years in the Tower of Chasaline, would get up and carve out a new life after being burnt out the night before her Test to attain the shawl. She was his Lady, and there was no one more important to him--save his dead master.

"I thank you for you news, sir." The pain was unbearable, her voice, her words...it was as if she did not know him. The Wheel weaved much anguish for one woman, was his compassionate thought.

"My servants will provide you with food as you wish." She waved an elegant hand--a dismissal--and turned her back on him, pale despite the warmth emanating from the glowing braziers. His curt bow went unseen, yet when he reached the tent flap an icy feeling clutched at his throat.

"One hour only." He resisted the urge to cover his ears. Can any living being's voice sound so dead? "I will be accompanying you back to the field." He spun about, half-formed protest flaying his lips--he had known this would be her reaction, had known and yet still raced the whole day to bring her news. The protest faded at her level look. Again, the stiff bow, eyes tinged with grim respect.

"As you wish, my lady."

The way back will come....

Caia'li, Lady of the Northern Reaches, shook her head irritably. She supposed she was in shock, yet everything seemed so crystal-clear, why did the voice remind her of someone? Disembodied, like the thoughts of the past that beat against her eyelids, reminding her of her loss. Why did those memories seem so insubstantial?...she closed her eyes.

The roar and crash of chaotic battle drummed through her head incessantly, yet the woman clutched her sword with resolution, a blinding hatred blazing in her gaze. Each loathsome spawn of the Shadow fought with mindless severity, and died with their abomnible features still twisted with madness. She despised them, their very presence on this planet contaminated all she loved, took all she loved.

With her faithful guards beside her--ready to protect their lady, who had taken up her husband's sword as was her right--Caia'li hacked savagely through their detestable ranks, sword scything through each foe, led on by one face...one beautiful face--he had had beautiful hair, so golden--never a frown for her. Never the chance now. They had taken the last thing she had. A scream of pure rage and loss tore from her throat, from the pit of her grieving heart, she wanted to rip out out their spines with gleaming teeth, see the dark lifeblood welling--

The way back will come but once...

Not yet, she begged silently, please! A flicker to the right--the shimmer of steel?--a glowing silver arch had appeared in the centre of the battle. It pulsed, calling her, pulling her eyes

.....be steadfast.

"Nooo!!" Her shout was aching denial. Words failed as the image of herself in a white dress rose up and shattered her mind. *The arch* I cannot, I must!

Kill them, she must destroy them all! Destroy the Twisted Ones--save us!--all must die, now, this moment, no mercy for the Shadowbrothers. Her sword glistened wetly. There was a gash on her forehead, dripping blood into her eyes, tinging everything with a ruddy glaze.

The way back will come....

"They killed him! He--must--be--avenged!" Tears forced themselves out, racing hotly down her cheeks. Caia turned toward the glowing arch, only to watch a blade blacker than night descend with agonising slowness toward her and he was not there to protect her, he said he would...she hissed in pain. Her shoulder shrank from from the cut, lips of the wound already turning black with blood, and she knew she was doomed. She smelled the burning of her own flesh, saw the taint race through her veins in acidic inevitability.

....but once....

She couldn't reach it. In the most important minute of her life, Caia'li tasted failure. Even now the taint of the Shadow slipped inky tendrils into her brain, dimming her golden eyes, it was the end of everything. She tried to shake her head, mouth 'no'.

.....be steadfast.

She staggered, swaying, too far....a surge of fighting reached her like a wave, she was swept forward. All was light. And Light. How it burned.

This time she came out staggering, seared to the bone and trembling with shame...someone had grasped her arms, there was a question, then the fire and ice of Healing. So, her shoulder wound had survived-- mute testimony to her failure. A bitter taste was unwashed by the soothing neutrality of water. Lyris intoned the ritual words, but Caia'li did not see her.

"You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul." There was a darkening in her brain, a heady thumping she assumed was her heart. Still beating, she was not dead, she had completed two Arches. "Do you wish to continue?" In answer, Caia pushed away the supporting hands and reeled across to the third and final Arch. "The third is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Lurching into the light, there was one thought, If I survive this, I'll be Raised.

He blinked.

She bit her lip, then suppressed a scowl--he always could make her feel like a child again. It was extremely unnerving how he off all people could wipe her mind like that, it wasn't as if she was a unexperienced young girl after all! You'd think she'd be better prepared.

"I was thinking on my Arches." Was her elaboration. Strange She thought. I really was For a minute there it had seemed like she had just stepped through the glowing arch, Lyris' voice echoing warningly in her head.

The way back will come but once.Be steadfast

His eyebrow quirked with infuriating insolence. Caia wanted to stamp her foot. It was intolerable, and this time she planned to tell him so, she drew a breath and--

"Imbrium and Rhi'hara returned with me." His remark was offhand, designed to annoy in that helpless way she had after his most pointed words. He *knew* she'd been waiting for her friends to return! To keep it from her was.....was exactly the sort of thing she expected him to do. Which, essentially, was why he did it. Her jaw twitched.

"What's that?" His voice soared with mocking richness, as he placed one hand over his heart. "A reaction? Did I finally manage to crack the infamous 'Aes Sedai calm'? Well, I'm ashamed of myself." He flourished a bow before making his jaunty way around the model of Tar Valon, to offer his arm to the unimpressed woman beside him.

"I hardly expect a Warder to feel any shame for an Aes Sedai not his own." Her words were spoken lightly, yet her eyes glinted a warning.

Staying angry with this particular Gaidin for any length of time was absolutely impossible, so Caia'li conceded with a laugh, spreading her shimmering green skirts in a curtsey just as flamboyant--to show he could never best her in anything--and together they mounted the steps.

Servants crowded the courtyard, rendering her unable to race across and hug her friends which was her dearest wish at that moment--Aes Sedai dignity and all--so she settled for a stately glide toward their carriage. The people melted from her path. The three women clasped hands and smiled--however much they travelled in their own searches, it was always nice to have a place to come back to.

The way back will come....

There was that memory again, Caia put a hand to her forehead in surprise, and he was instantly by her side, inquiring. Wasn't like her to lose control like that--in front of all these people!--and they all knew it.

"Shall we go inside?" Asked Imbri tactfully. Rhi removed her yellow gloves and nodded agreement, just as their Warders walked up, graceful death incarnate--Keirin preceding as his experience dictated, Malen bringing up the rear. It was a pointed reminder to the woman who'd began to despair of ever bonding the appropriate Warder, it was ridiculous not to have that sharing--and she a Green aswell!--it was also vaguely disheartening. She turned at a touch on her arm,

"Caia, we brought it." Four simple words, yet with their utterance the Saldaean's heart soared with happiness not felt in a long time. Her eyes shone with a golden radiance, mute testimony to the strength of her feelings, but her smile was restrained. She squeezed Imbri's hand in thanks, before he swirled up--all light in death and shadowed life--to escort the party to the private gardens, where a wonder was about to be unfurled.

The way back...

Gently wondering at the bliss that had consumed her, the Green Sister's eyes flowed over the sparkling anomaly amongst the emerald- green bushes, for once taking it for granted that all would be perfect on this day. For this was the one place in the entire world where the three Sisters could truly relax and be themselves, leaving the cares of the world until tomorrow's dawn.

Rhi had left her cloak at the gate to sweep about her beloved garden, touching each blooming plant with small sounds of satisfaction and smiling benevolently, eyes full of complacency. Her other Sister had linked arms with Malen, also enjoying the peace instilled in the garden, and the sun stroked the scene with vibrant colours of delight.

They came, in time for none wished to rush this glorious summer afternoon, to a gorgeous clearing ringed with exotic blooms of scarlet and cadmium, lavender and cerulean, where three marble benches waited in the cool shade under seven apple trees, and the women sat, arranging skirts with absent precision. Imbrium dipped a hand into a velvety pouch that hung from her waist, drawing out an object wrapped in age-old muslin that pulled the Aes Sedai's minds with its resonance of saidar, and handed it with beautiful solemnity to the elegant man in black who knelt to recieve it from her. He carried it with the greatest care to Caia'li, kneeling once more in the lush grass and holding it before him like an offering.

...but once.

It was closer this time, louder, and the gleaming arch echoed the call of the ter'angreal in her hands. Submerged in her most blissful of moments, Caia ignored it, shutting off a corner of her mind that screamed with urgency, a sour note that twisted in her brain.

Slowly removing the shimmering material, a box was revealed. Catching her breath, Caia marvelled at the intricacy of the carvings-- some language unknown ringed the lid, and when she passed a hand over it to grasp the tiny silver clasp the writing appeared to ripple. Sharing a quick, electric glance with the man before her, the woman realised the carvings greatly resembled the silver clasp that even now held back her wealth of midnight hair. With one fluid motion, she sprang open the lid, and they all gasped as a sound like a plucked harpstring filled the air.

Her mind wailed, there was something wrong! She must return, now! Before...the Arch flickered uncertainly.

She had to know....

Be steadfast.

Not yet! Please, just a little while longer! Caia's head came up, worry creasing her forehead, it was so perfect...too perfect. She heard an ugly growl and realised she'd stood up, turned to face the glowing Arch, a memory coalescing with startling certainty.

Yet he was there, all silver hair and ebony eyes, grasping her shoulders, speaking fervent impassioned words, but she was retreating, his voice glittered and she could not hear him. Tears began to leak out of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks like mourning pearls....Rhi and Imbri had gathered close, they were smiling, eyes filled with joy.

I don't understand, she thought. Then, more wildly, I have not yet reached this age!

The Arch shimmered, becoming insubstantial.

An upsurge of love drowned the portal's siren, and she was placing her hands on either side of his head, opening herself to the Power-- it seemed so very hard to reach--yet she channeled the appropriate flows between them, faster and faster, feverishly--*her time was running out!* A sudden flood of emotions poured into her mind, spiralling and gliding like sweet wine through her veins, and he was there. Such a shock. She felt doused with icy-cold water as her eyes fluttered open to regard him.

Be steadfast.

Releasing his head, Caia took a step back--a step toward the fading arch--and he saw the farewell in her eyes. Elation turned to denial as her Warder of not even one minute screamed her name while her Sisters embraced the Source in panic, but it was too late. She had to go back...Lyris was waiting....The tears kept coming. Snatching his beautiful face between her palms, Caia'li kissed him, trying to send him all the love she knew along the bond.

It had to be fast. And so, as a whirl of green and black, Caia'li threw herself at the almost transparent Arch, his voice ringing so many shades of pain in her ears,

"Caaaiiiiaaaa!!!!!"

Blinding light, so hated, spun through her body like shards, and at the last, she felt the bond snap.

She came through the Arch to fall to the ground, eyes glazed and impossibly wide with tears pouring continually down her face, the severed thread of a perfect life flaying her soul.

Cleansing, ever purifying water cascaded over her ravaged body, still throbbing with silent tears and the commanding voice of a woman spoke, clear as crystal.

"You are washed clean of Caia'li jal Norashar of Saldaea." Feeling was beginning to return to her tired self in infinitesimal degrees, yet Caia could sense the presence of others, and their compassion was great. She ought to be surprised, but she felt washed of any emotion.

"You are washed clean of all the ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul." Rising, the Saldaean finally found the strength to look up. The Amyrlin held each of her hands in her own, smiling gently, eyes reassuring. Wounds were made to heal. Caia felt achievement thrill along he bones, then something more as Chelsey Sedai slipped the golden Great Serpent ring onto the third finger of her left hand.

"You are Caia'li jal Norashar, Accepted of Chasaline."