Moments to Breathe
by Nic (stardestiny@bigfoot.com)


The city burned.  Fires speckled each block, each street, each building at irregular intervals while maintaining their common ferocity of red and blue flame, hotter than the hell planet Daniel Jackson recalled from what seemed so long ago.  Another sonic boom rattled him to the core and his stride was interrupted, the shockwave slamming him into a wall to add to his assortment of bruises.  Daniel barely noticed.  His whole being was focussed on finding cover, the Goa'uld were winning yet another conquest and there was nothing he could do but hide.

The faces of those he'd left behind swam in front of him and he grimaced, bracing himself for another earthquake as his eyes told him that another block had just been incinerated.  There.  Glass shattered and rained down mere feet from his body and Daniel sent another silent prayer of thanks to whoever was protecting him.  Three long months of madness he'd endured, each day a struggle to survive against the unthinkable that had finally happened - the invasion of Earth.

Somewhere, a siren was blaring.  It wouldn't do any good.  There was virtually no resistance in this city, the people had thought themselves inconsequential in the greater scheme of things and had thus barricaded themselves within since the invasion and believed that the Goa'uld would never bother to come.  The truth was far from this, the Goa'uld System Lords were determined to conquer every last village on Earth no matter how long it took them.  And there was no doubt that they were succeeding.

It was a success Daniel continued to fight against every day since the incident....  He violently shook his head, he could not be plagued by memory now.  It was marginally quieter, the buildings still burned and added an eerie red glow to the horizon but the bombings appeared to have stopped.  Glancing up, Daniel was glad to see no sign of the ships although he knew they were hovering somewhere nearby.  It was imperative that he get to cover, and soon.

The only place safe in this city, or in any city, was underground.  It was generally the last place investigated by the invaders, and besides, only a limited population of starving people could hope to survive in such surroundings.  There were rumours of Jaffa stationed at subway exits across the country, prepared to kill the desperate who finally surfaced and threw themselves at the mercy of their new rulers.  Thankfully, this city would be free of that at least for some time.

Daniel didn't know this city, he had been travelling from place to place and helping where he was able, partially to atone for what he now considered one of his greatest shames - failure to warn the citizens of Earth about the threat of invasion when he had the chance.  "The Stargate program is highly classified..."  Echoes of the words of his superiors and his friends haunted him.  Friends long lost, friends perhaps dead.  Friends no longer with him and it was his own fault.  He missed them all so much even though the state of silence, of having no one to talk to, now seemed natural.  Daniel had been alone for so long, ever since the mountain had been destroyed.

The mountain.  Along with Washington DC, Area 51, and every other military stronghold in both the USA and across the globe destroyed in one perfectly executed attack which no one had anticipated.  The idea of several System Lords working together to take Earth was astounding in itself, but Daniel later realised that he should have known, because the SGC had managed to piss off a great number of them.  It was only natural that they would want revenge through any means possible.

Daniel remembered that day all too well, it was a nightmarish memory he could never shake.  The failure of the stargate to open from P3X 169, because troops of Goa'uld were pouring through it from other destinations.  After a warship landed on the mountain and decimated the upper levels, it had taken little effort for the Goa'uld troops to commandeer the stargate and bring in reinforcements.

Only 3 SG teams had been offworld at the time and Daniel never knew what happened to the other two.  All he knew was that when Sam dialled the DHD for the 10th time, the gate finally opened and they'd all glanced at each other with trepidation, not knowing what lay ahead.  Not knowing it was the last chance they'd have to speak to each other, to say goodbye.  Instead, the four of them bravely faced ahead, returning to a chaos formerly known as home.  

And then...  Daniel grimaced, not wanting to remember.  The pandemonium.  The weapons fire.  The screaming, the awful screaming that went on and on as they fought with desperation for their lives...and his failure, one he could never atone for.  "You left them behind to save yourself!"  No one had ever accused him of such but it was true and there was no one alive to tell him.  It didn't mean he didn't hear their voices.  Deep in the night, as the wars raged above and he huddled in darkness, Daniel saw them, he saw the accusations in their eyes for leaving them to die.  For not saving them.  For not standing with them until the end.  And he wished more than anything that he could go back, to see them one last time and tell them he was sorry.

But it was impossible, and his only hope for salvation, the only way to quell the demons that plagued his soul, was to continue to help as many as he could, to save at least them.  If only he could get out of the current line of fire.  

Spying a steaming drain across the street, Daniel ducked his head and ran, conscious all the while that the relative safety of hugging close to the buildings was no longer afforded to him.  He reached the grate without incident and yanked it open, feeling every muscle in his body ache but he was beyond caring.  He'd lost weight since the invasion and his army fatigues, dirty and torn beyond recognition, hung from his frame.  

Daniel lightly dropped onto his feet with a practised ease just as another blast rocked the earth.  A wave of heat pulsed past him and he realised in horror that there was a good chance that the street above him was now on fire, and very soon those same flames would be chasing him through the drain like a hungry predator.  He ran, again, wheezing, trying to make out anything in the darkness and hoping the way was clear.  Random lights flickered, the last vestiges of light before the power grid failed for good.

He collided with something.  The breath was knocked out of him and instinctively, Daniel reached forward to steady himself on whatever, no, whoever it was.  His hands reached shoulders and for a moment it all seemed so eerily familiar, this situation, it was like another time and place and even before he looked up, he knew who it was.  There was just no mistaking that presence, someone he'd known so well before all of this, the horror, began.  "Jack," he gasped.

"Daniel!"  The voice couldn't have been more shocked and Jack looked him up and down, reciprocating the strong grasp on Daniel's shoulders, staring at Daniel as if he were a mirage.  Jack's hand drifted up to touch his hair, to trace his cheek, before dropping back to his arm and the staring resumed, punctuated only by the sound of two people breathing harshly.  "God, Danny!"  And then he pulled Daniel into a bone crunching hug and Daniel could feel Jack's desperation and his relief at finding one of his friends alive.

Resting into the embrace as best he could, Daniel allowed himself, just for a moment, to feel safe.  This was Colonel Jack O'Neill, his commander, someone who could take charge and assume responsibility, it wasn't Daniel's fault and he wasn't supposed to be accountable for the Goa'uld invasion no matter how guilty he might feel and how true it was.  Better than that, this was Jack, Daniel's friend.  Jack, who was alive and had somehow managed to survive the madness.  For a brief moment, Daniel dreamed of returning to the way things were, the impossible reality.  And then another rumble caused the ground to shudder and both men pulled back.  

"Your glasses?" was the first thing Jack said, bewilderingly.

"Oh," Daniel replied, pushing them back absently.  The lens had been cracked so long now he barely noticed the warping of his vision.  In fact, the slight distortion sometimes made things easier to bear, he couldn't see a true picture of the destruction.  "Broken."  He shrugged.  "It doesn't matter."

"Guess not," Jack commented and Daniel now noticed that Jack, too, had lost weight although his military uniform was relatively intact.  Despite being separated, they'd been living the same nightmare.  

"What are you doing here?" The words spilled out of Daniel's mouth even before he realised what a ludicrous question it was - Jack was most likely doing the same thing as him, doing his best to survive and help people along the way.  Thankfully, Jack took his question seriously.

"Long story," he said.  His eyes darkened.  "A long, long story...." and Daniel instinctively knew that it began with that terrible afternoon, when his last sight of Jack had been of the colonel standing firmly next to Teal'c, firing at the Goa'uld while he screamed at Sam and Daniel to get the hell out of there and warn the world.

"Teal'c?" Daniel had to ask, fighting to keep his voice steady.  

Jack shook his head.  "I don't know - it's probably a good thing," he muttered as an afterthought.  "If they got their hands on him...."  

"Hey," Daniel interrupted, touching him softly on the arm.  "I know.  Don't torture yourself thinking about it."  A pause, and then he murmured, "I've done enough thinking about it myself for the both of us."

As Jack nodded in commiseration, the ground shuddered again and a nearby light suddenly flared, illuminating the both of them for a moment before the eerie twilight of the tunnels returned.   "Carter?"  The reciprocal question was heartbreakingly hopeful and Daniel didn't know what to say.   To see Jack again - alive - it was like a miracle for Daniel and he was sure his friend felt the same way.  The last thing he wanted to do was destroy a brief happiness.  Worse still, he had to admit the truth, that it was his fault.  

"I'm sorry," Daniel finally said when the silence had gone on for too long and Jack must have known that the news wasn't good.  "The last time I saw her, she - she was in a Goa'uld hospital camp - the type they have for prisoners who could be valuable."

Jack swallowed, hard.  "Damn," he said.

"Yeah," Daniel echoed.  He'd heard stories of what happened in those places, each story worst than the last.  "Jack, I am so sorry.  I tried to save her...."

"What happened?"  The question was almost a monotone, as if Jack was cutting himself off from his emotions.  Daniel recognised the strategy so well.

He took a deep breath, not wanting to relive more of that day than he had to, but he knew he owed it to Jack who had sacrificed his own safety to save them.  Only he hadn't known what he was sending them into.  "You saw what happened to the mountain?"  Daniel realised his voice was trembling and leaned back against the wall, hoping that its solid presence might offer him steadying comfort because he certainly didn't deserve that from Jack, who was nodding in response to his question.

"We made it up two levels before we couldn't go any further," Daniel continued.  "Nothing but rubble where the passages used to be.  Sam and I decided to hide until we figured out which way the Goa'uld were going and then we had to wait until it was safe."  He shuddered, remembering those awful hours crammed into a tiny closet, hearing the noises of gun fire and staff weapons gradually subside and not knowing if Jack and Teal'c were okay, the awful realisation settling in that it was probably the last time he'd see either of them.  But he had to protect Sam - not that she necessarily needed protecting - but Daniel felt bound to protect her all the same.  

"When everything settled down we decided to risk it.  We found a passage to the surface, we almost made it, when..."   A deep breath, and Jack's hand on his arm returned him to the present.  

"It's okay," Jack said soothingly.

"They shot her."  There, it was out.  "They shot her and I left her, Jack, I *left her behind* and-"  Daniel's voice had risen in pitch as he fought the guilt, the awful knowledge that he should have stayed and helped.

"Hey, hey."  There was a voice cutting through his pain, a pain Daniel hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge in all those long months.  "Daniel.  You did the right thing.  Carter's a soldier and she knows the drill.  If she was wounded I bet she told you to go on, save yourself."

Daniel nodded soberly.  "She did.  I tried to stay, I was pulling her, but then the Goa'uld were all around us and Sam was screaming at me to go, just like you did and God help me, I left her.  I told myself I would go back later but I left her, Jack, she was bleeding and I left her and..."  Daniel took a deep breath, trying to suppress the tears he knew were threatening to fall.  "I went back the next day and she was in the prison camp.  The hospital.  Whatever it was.  I couldn't get near her, there were guards all over the place.  I tried, Jack, believe me, I tried!"  Small gasps punctuated his words and Daniel had never been so glad of Jack's presence before.

And there were tears in Jack's eyes, too, as his hands closed around Daniel's elbows, holding on.  "I believe you," he said.  "There was nothing you could do.  But we know that she's alive - and that's something, right?"  He stared at Daniel, as if he was trying to make Daniel believe him.  "Carter's a survivor, she'll be all right.  We just have to find her."

"Yeah," said Daniel softly, but he didn't believe it.  He'd been searching for signs of his friends for months now and found nothing.  Only a chance encounter granting him a brief reprieve from the guilt.  "I just feel so useless sometimes.  All we did with the stargate program and where did it get us?" 

 "Ah..." and Jack held out his hands in a gesture that meant something Daniel couldn't quite decipher.  "What I'm about to tell you is highly classified."

At Daniel's questioning look, Jack went on, describing the military back up plan that had been in place for this sort of thing and how Jack was one of the key operatives in intelligence gathering and recon.   "That's why I'm here," he finished.  "There's a general in this city that I have to rescue."

"Oh," said Daniel, blinking.  He should have expected as much.  He'd tried to contact the military - what was left of it - after leaving Sam but no one had believed him, they'd written him off as someone trying to get in on the action.  Daniel had been told in no uncertain times that the military didn't have time for babysitting.   "So how is it going?"

Jack's face told him all he needed to know.  "It seems like every time we achieve something, another city  gets taken or someone else crumbles under torture.   But we're doing *something*, Daniel, and that's what's important."  He paused, adding, "And if I know you, you've been up to stuff as well."

"Yeah," Daniel said softly.  "Nothing important, really."  He shrugged.  "I move around a lot, teaching people about the Goa'uld, telling them how to defend themselves.  Sometimes they listen."  

"They'd damn well better listen!" Jack said, trying to make a joke.  Then he smiled for real.  "See, I knew you'd be doing something important if you were out there."

"Important?"

"In this war," said Jack seriously, "everything counts.  Maybe I could get you outfitted with some kind of military authority..." Jack mused aloud.  "Then again, that might also make you a target."  He glanced from the flickering light back at Daniel as the ground trembled once again.  "What do you think?"

Shrugging, Daniel said, "I don't know.  There are people waiting for me - I promised to teach them about Jaffa tactics."

"And there are people waiting for me," Jack echoed softly.  "I'll talk to them, see what I can do."

"You do that."

They fell silent, staring at each other, aware that this brief reprieve from the madness and chaos was fast drawing to a close.   Daniel knew that Jack had to go, but he wanted to hold on to him, wanted them to stay together, harkening back to the old days of SG1.

"One month," Jack suddenly said.

"Huh?"

"One month," he repeated, his tone low and urgent, as if someone could have been listening.  He pressed his lips close to Daniel's ear.  "Where will you be in thirty days?"

"I don't know, I was thinking of heading to New Mexico...the Goa'uld have taken most of the cities now and it's one of the few places we could get a resistance going."  Daniel was compelled to whisper back.  

"I'll meet you there," Jack decided, still keeping his voice low.  "Santa Fe, a place called the Lamplighter Inn.

"Okay," Daniel replied before he even had a chance to think about it.  He barely knew where Santa Fe was, but if Jack was going to be there, it gave him a reason to find out, and it gave him hope.  "And maybe then we can think about-"

Jack abruptly shook his head.  "No plans, that way you don't have anything to give away."  He looked seriously at Daniel once more, before pulling him into another bone-crushing hug that Daniel didn't mind in the least.  It gave him something to hold on to.  Something he could remember.   Then Jack saluted.  "Daniel."  Not saying goodbye, not wanting to risk it. 

"Take care," Daniel said, his own farewell, and then Jack turned and walked away, into the shadows, the darkness, which might forever plague them.  Daniel took a deep breath and walked forwards.  Thirty days.  He could survive that long.  He had to.  


End.
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