G889 WARS (10/?Will this ever finish?) By Nicole Mayer (destiny@wwdg.com) April, 1998 and April, 1999 Okay, okay! I hear you - it's been a while since I wrote some of this. Too long, actually. Like...over a year??? (Nic ducks guiltily!) Anyway, with the hype regarding a certain film (ohmygoshlessthan2monthstogo!!!), I have been re-inspired. *S* On the incredibly unlikely chance that you've forgotten what's happening, how about a quick recap? TheevilGalacticCouncilistryingtorulethegalaxyandEdenAlliance(theg oodiesforthoseofyouwhocan'ttell)areattemptingtooverthrowtheCounci landDarthYaleandthemysteriousEmperorinparticular. AfterrescuingtheirfrozenfriendDanZolofromGrendlertheHut,ourheroes rendezvousedwiththerestofEdenAllianceandgeneratedadeviousplan.Fol lowingsomesmallinterludesofromance,conversationandgeneralinsanity whichinvolvedRTruescreamingloudlyandastrangepasswordfortheMilleni umTransrover,EdenAlliancemanagedtosendasmallteam(codenamedEdenAdv ance)tothereveredmysteryplanetG889whereanewanddeadlyDeathStarwasb eingcreated. LedbyPrincessDevonleiaandAlukoSoulwalker,EdenAdvancemetagorgeousr aceoffurrycreaturescalledkobawoks,withwhomtheyhavenowalliedthemse lves. EverythingwasinreadinessforthebattleatNewControlBunkerwhenAlukosu ddenlydecidedhehadtogofacehisuncle'ssister'sex-husband'stwice- removedcousin'sillegitimateson'sdroid'sgrandfather'sfriend'sassis tant'sstepmother'sdog'stwin'snephew,akaDarthYale.Meanwhile,Julipi othegoldenhaireddroidhasbeenspyingonEAandreportingbacktotheEmpero r.EAisintrouble,bigtime.... Got all that? No? ::Sigh:: I'm not going to repeat myself, you know. You'll just have to rent the movie "Return of the Jedi" and imagine the characters with different faces. Or you could whiz over to my lovely website and get caught up on all the parts you've missed! http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/8356/fanfic.htm Of course, the highly intelligent people on this list will already have parts 1-9 saved on their harddrive in an undeletable directory. (Or maybe I have an over-inflated ego. Nah, not possible! Someone as perfect as me doesn't have an ego!) ;) Ahem. Maybe I should just get back to the story. GGGGG 88 88 9999 GG 88 88 88 88 99 99 GG 88 88 88 88 99 99 GG 88 88 99999 GG GGGG 88 88 88 88 9 GG GG 88 88 88 88 9 GGGGGG 88 88 9 WW WW A RRRRRR SSSSSS WW WW WW AA AA RR R SSS WW WW WW AA AA RR R SS WW WW WW AAAAAAA RRRRR SSSS WW WW AA AA RR R SSS WW WW AA AA RR RR SSS W W AA AA RR RR SSSSSS Dawn was fast approaching. Darth Yale strode along the lower deck of the landing platform, acutely aware of the trees that surrounded him. A pine scent managed to slip through the filter of his breath mask and he grimaced as best he could without getting his nose squashed out of shape by the ridiculously small nose- space. Darth Yale didn't like trees, nor did he like their smell. It reminded him of *something* terrible in his past, before the- He heard a noise. Instantly, he knew who it was. His brother's sister's ex-husband's twice-removed cousin's illegitimate son's droid's grandfather's friend's assistant's stepmother's dog's twin's nephew was coming, he could feel it. He could sense it. Darth Yale even knew what Aluko was getting for Christmas, because he had felt the younger man's presents. Aluko was very close now. Idly, Darth Yale wondered which Aluko he would see this time. The last time they had met, Yale had been witness to "Screaming, Scared Aluko". It had not been a pleasant experience. He'd been prepared for "Cocky Pilot Aluko" (with matching flight helmet) or even "Unbearably Cute Aluko" (with the cute little behind), but not the snivelling mess he was actually confronted with. Darth Yale snorted, just as "Jungle Aluko" came swinging through the trees on a long green vine and landed lithely on his feet before Darth Yale. Just like a kobawok. Before Darth Yale had a chance to move, a ZED-Trooper rushed into the shot and quickly placed manacles on the Dreamer. This was the Trooper's big chance to impress Darth Yale and he wasn't going to miss it! (Never mind that he had been on night watch, attempting to shoot flying squirrels and the likes from the trees but had somehow missed Aluko's break-in attempt.) "This Rebel surrendered to us, Lord," the ZED-Trooper said, hastily improvising. "Although he denies it, I believe there may be more of them, and I request permission to conduct a wider search of the area." Darth Yale was immensely annoyed. His eyes narrowed, and if he could have shot laser beams from his helmet, he would have. However, his nifty arm would suffice...but no, he had disintegrated too many ZED-Troopers lately. Added to the amount that Eden Alliance had killed, the Galactic Council was in serious trouble of running out of the notoriously bad shooters. "That will not be necessary," Darth Yale hissed to the Trooper. "Admiral Maiett has already seen to it." Following the fiasco with Captain Picard, Maiett had realised that Darth Yale had been duped and immediately set about rectifying the problem. She had been tracking Aluko for many hours and was the one who allowed him past the electrified perimeter. The ZED-Trooper completed checking Aluko out (remember, Aluko is *everyone's* type) and held out Aluko's staff-saber to Darth Yale. "He was armed only with this," the Trooper said. Darth Yale accepted the staff-saber and stared at it for a long moment, noting the intricate carvings upon the tip. He then instructed the Trooper, "Leave us." Switching on his gear, Darth Yale contacted Admiral Maiett. (The beauty of having a helmet was that no one could see when he was using gear, or in VR, or simply sleeping.) Maiett's beautiful face appeared before his eyes and he fought to control his breathing. He managed, "Conduct your search and bring his companions to me." Quickly closing the link, Yale returned his attention to "Jungle Aluko", who had somehow morphed into "Subdued yet Mature Aluko". Now, the true order of destiny would be unveiled. "So...you have come to me." "And you to me," replied Aluko smugly. "The Emperor is expecting you," continued Darth Yale. With these words he felt a small sense of satisfaction. No longer would the troublesome Aluko be his problem, no, the Emperor could have the fun of trying to seduce (to the dark side, that is) this damn attractive young man. "I know...uncle's sister's ex-husband's twice-removed cousin's illegitimate son's droid's grandfather's friend's assistant's stepmother's dog's twin's nephew." Darth Yale was surprised for a moment (he hadn't expected Aluko to remember *that*) but then smiled under his evil helmet. "So, you have accepted the truth. Welcome home, my boy." Aluko seemed to freeze and conflict danced across his face. "I have accepted the truth that you were once related to me, before you were changed. I know there is good in you, I can feel it." Aluko was gathering steam. "That's why you couldn't destroy me before, and that's why you will take me to your Emperor now." "Of course I will," hissed Darth Yale, causing Aluko to do a double-take. He quickly muttered his lines back to himself and then swore, realising he had mixed them up again. "I mean, that's why you *won't* take me to your Emperor now." "But the Emperor is anxious to meet you," protested Darth Yale. "He wants to teach you so much. How to realise your full potential and how to be a true man. You don't know the power of the dark side of the dreaming!" "I know enough," Aluko said bitterly. "I know that it has changed my life forever and I can never fall in love again." Darth Yale ignored the young Dreamer and instead, ignited Aluko's staff-saber. "You have constructed another. Your skills are now complete." He waved the glowing saber up and down through the air, apparently enthralled by the humming noise it made. Almost like...cute little bumble bees buzzing through the forest. Viciously, Darth Yale shook his head and wondered where the aberrant program had come from. "Cruel, mean, dark," he whispered to himself like a mantra. "Come away with me," Aluko suddenly asked. He grasped Darth Yale's hand in his own, feeling a small thrill with the surge of electricity that passed between them. There was an undeniable link between them, borne not out of their genes, but their similar metal replacement body parts. "Terri-wan once thought as you do," intoned Yale, reluctantly pulling his hand away. "It is too late for me. The Emperor is your master now." Aluko stared hard at Darth Yale for one long moment until the scene faded out. *** Deep in space, Bainso Calrissian spearheaded Eden Alliance's fleet. They were moments away from entering cold-space, where they could traverse huge distances in a short amount of time at what *might* have been light speed (there was an ongoing debate on this point because the original specifications were ambiguous. A reluctant interim understanding indicated that they were probably travelling just below light speed, although once the relativistic time dilation was taken into account the ships could be seen as travelling faster than light which brought them back to the original argument. To add fuel to the fire, the cataloguing system of planets in the galaxy was so arcane that people never really knew where they were anyway. It was no wonder the legendary planet of G889, home of the Dreamers, had remained lost for so long.) Bainso checked his instruments, feeling a sudden need to go hide. They were still in the Scully-ust system and safe...for the moment. Terrible horrors lay in front of them, Bainso knew, and he didn't want to go on. He would have been happy on a small planet with a wife called Becca (or at least a good set of VR gear) and a nice mag-blaster at his side. But it was not to be. His communications system crackled to life and Bainso realised it was his line. "Um...I'm not coming out!" He heard the gravelly voice of Admiral Alvar in response. "Could you please repeat that last directive?" Swallowing hard, Bainso tried again. "The fleet is in position. All fighters accounted for." "Proceed with the countdown," instructed Alvar. "All groups assume attack coordinates." Bainso's co-pilot, Dinner, gave him a worried grunt. "Don't worry," Bainso tried to reassure him. "My friends are down there. They'll get that shield down...or this will be the shortest offensive of all time," he added under his breath. Dinner shot Bainso a worried look and again said something incomprehensible (because the subtitles weren't available). Bainso just nodded, not knowing that he was agreeing to enter a two year marriage contract with Dinner who had liked Bainso for quite some time. "May the force of the Dreamplane be with us," finished Admiral Alvar. Bainso quickly crossed himself and touched the button for cold-space entry. The stars blurred into a stream of eternity. *** It was morning in the forest and New Control Bunker was just over the next hill. Devonleia could scarcely believe it. After all this time of travelling, they were finally arriving! She suppressed a small squeal of excitement as they followed Morget the brave up the leaf-covered ridge. And there it was. The place that was so important to Eden Advance, the place they had dreamed of for so long. And it was crawling with ZED-Troopers. "Great," groaned Dan. "How are we supposed to get there with all of them hanging around?" Devonleia shrugged, watching a cute little interplay between Morget and Bessbacca. Morget had quickly surveyed the situation and then turned and ran with Bessie following after. "What's he doing?" Devonleia asked Julipio, who turned to Devonleia with a surprised smile on her unmoving face. "I believe he's gone to get help. He muttered something about a plan...." Soon, Morget returned with a distinctly female kobawok in tow. She was the same height as Morget, with the same markings on her fur. Morget chittered importantly, Julipio listening closely to be sure to translate it properly. Bessbacca also listened, gradually beginning to understand the kobawok language. "This," announced Julipio when Morget was finished, "is Marget. Morget's twin sister." A huge smile spread over Bessbacca's face and she embraced Marget happily, growling something that translated roughly to, "I'm very happy to meet Morget's sister." After accepting the hug, Marget told Julipio who told Devonleia who told Dan (who hadn't been listening for a while) that Morget had a plan. "Well, what is it?" Dan barked, having low tolerance for little rodents. Marget didn't answer. Instead, she raced to a conveniently- parked speeder bike and jumped on. It took her all of two seconds to figure out the controls and away she flew, giggling hysterically at what was probably the fastest ride of her life. After Devonleia had gotten over her surprise, she began to pout. Why did Marget get to ride it? Devonleia wanted another turn! She was about to grumble to Morget, but Morget was already being chewed out by Dan. "What good is this gonna do us, huh?" "Excuse me, sir..." tentatively interrupted Julipio as she pointed to the clearing below. "The ZED-Troopers..." "They're chasing Marget!" Devonleia realised. "Quick, this is our big chance!" Dan paused mid-sentence as he took in the scene. "You're right!" He gave Morget a big kiss of happiness and then spat the fur from his mouth. Then, realising what he'd just done, Dan hissed to Morget, "Now if you ever tell anyone about this-" Morget backed away, looking very traumatised. And so it was left to Devonleia and Bessie to lead their small team, finally, down to New Control Bunker. *** Darth Yale led Aluko silently through the long corridors of the Death Star. Aluko noticed that the same piece of corridor was being repeated over and over and wondered if they were walking in circles. He did not notice the low level technicians quickly unbuilding the corridor behind him so that it could be rebuilt ahead so that the corridors appeared to stretch for an eternity. Finally, after Eden Advance had had ample time to storm New Control Bunker, the doors to the Emperor's throne room were reached. Aluko swallowed nervously. Beyond that door lay his destiny, a destiny he did not yet fully know. Was the mysterious Emperor really as evil as everyone had said? Should Aluko listen to those rumours or should he make his own decisions? Should he lay off the local gossip network? Should he give up watching Melrose Place? No, he could never do that! And as for the Emperor, well...the darkness awaited him. The doors swung open, slowly, with great fanfare and procession. And before them, across a great floor space and up a great flight of stairs, sat a hunched figure wrapped in a black shroud. Aluko and Yale stepped forward, 10% reverently, 90% fearfully. Aluko could *feel* the evil just radiating down towards them. A picture of a shark jumped into his mind and he could see the teeth, so many teeth...! Before the throne they stood, relation and relation, both dressed in black. It was quite the colour of the season. Darth Yale bowed before his master, Aluko did not (his legs were sore from all that hiking, that was why. Not to mention the leg he'd broken when they crashed...). The Emperor, finally, glanced up and smiled evilly. Aluko felt a chill go through his heart as, at last, the Emperor's true identity was revealed. No, not him, anyone but him...! "Welcome, my young poppet," cackled Emperor Gaal. *** Devonleia felt like she was in heaven. There she was, right in the middle of New Control Bunker, a functioning outpost. This was what she had dreamed of for years! It was such a shame that...that someone couldn't be here because he was dead. Frowning, Devonleia wished she could remember who had died. Someone Aluko knew quite well, someone who was connected to their family? Deciding not to worry about it any longer (because frowning would give her wrinkles), Devonleia returned her attention to setting the explosive charges. It was kind of funny, in a way. They'd travelled so far to New Control Bunker, dreaming of a future there, and now they were going to blow it up. No, Devonleia decided, it wasn't funny. It was downright sadistic. Who knew how many ZED-Troopers they would hurt by doing this? Not to mention the kobawoks! She was about to express her concerns to Dan when she noticed Julipio behaving even more strangely than usual. The golden-haired droid seemed to be huddled in a corner and coughing up something. "Are you okay?" Devonleia asked, worried. She lightly touched Julipio on the shoulder and the droid whirled around, a panicked look in her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine," Julipio quickly said. "You looked like you were sick..." began Devon. "Hairball," answered Julipio. "I think I've been around the kobawoks too much, their fur got inside my circuitry." "Well, okay," Devonleia said dubiously, noticing that Julipio was keeping whatever she had coughed up carefully hidden in one hand. "If you need anything, just call." "I will," said Julipio. Devonleia returned to setting the bomb. It asked for the perimeter. "One kilometre," she decided. After giving a few more commands, it was finally set. Detonation in ten minutes. That should give Eden Advance more than enough time to move away from the blast region. "Move away from the zone," recited the bomb over and over. "Dan? Bessie? Ready to go?" called Devonleia. She looked around, noticing it was surprisingly silent and that their other helpers had managed to disappear. "Julipio?" Devonleia wandered into the next room and stopped in shock. Julipio was standing there with a hologram coming from her arm, a hologram that looked suspiciously like the face of a commander from the Galactic Council! "Well done, Citizen P.O.," the commander was saying. "I will advise my troops to treat you well." "Julipio!" gasped Devonleia just as a force of commandos and ZED-Troopers swept into the room. They quickly arrested Devonleia and tied her arms to her sides. "Julipio - how could you?" asked Devonleia, horrified at the sudden turn of events. She heard a smashing sound and the cool voice of the bomb stopped its recitations mid-sentence. "You betrayed us all!" "I'm sorry," whispered Julipio, and then ate what Devonleia had thought was a hairball but was now quite obviously a communications device. "I never meant it to go this far." "Well, it did," yelled Devonleia, now really pissed. Devonleia's dreams had just come crashing down around her, all thanks to a stupid droid who'd been working for the enemy since day one! And what was worse, she had no idea what had happened to Dan. He might even be dead! "That's it, Julipio. I've put up with your prattling for far too long. Now I have a good excuse to throw you out." Tears filled Julipio's eyes but this didn't stop Devonleia. "Do you hear me, Julipio? I cast you out! You're no longer a member of Eden Advance! We're going to abandon you in the wilderness! And you deserve every single terrible thing that ever happens to you...and if Dan is dead, then I swear, I will hunt you down and personally dismember you! Traitor!" The final word was a shout as Devonleia was dragged off by the Troopers. She didn't yet realise the predicament she was in. It was Devonleia who would be tormented, not Julipio. Yet, in those few moments, Julipio would have done anything to trade places with Devonleia, for Devonleia had great hair. *** The Emperor sat quietly in his throne room, rhythmically drumming his fingers across the nearby tabletop. He was gravely disturbed. There was a growing mania sweeping the galaxy, causing mass hysteria and excitement, the likes of which had never been seen before. However, every time the Emperor tried to put a name to it, he was stumped. It was something about an evil ghost, but that didn't correlate at all with the visions the Emperor was receiving through the Dreamplane. He saw a little boy playing with VR gear, he saw a cute young man (was his name Rocky? The Emperor shook his head, having absolutely *no* idea where that thought came from) and he also saw...himself. His younger self. It was all very frightening. The Emperor had often seen the future, but never the past. Yes, he remembered the past because it had already happened, but the visions were surely from the future which meant that now had happened before the before had happened but the before had already happened which meant that now was unknown as should the future be so how was the past going to happen in the future? It couldn't, so he shouldn't be afraid of it anyway! Sighing, the Emperor placed his head in his hands and beckoned for one of his Crimson Guards (which looked awfully like Frankfurts) to come closer and give him an aspirin. That done, he anxiously looked at his clock and wondered just how long it could take Darth Yale and Aluko to go to the men's room. Then again, Yale had all that armour to get off. The Emperor again shook his head and vowed to get his mind out of the gutter. He'd been speaking to the rats a little too much lately. At last, Darth Yale and Aluko returned. "Come here," beckoned the Emperor to Aluko. The young Dreamer did so. "I have so much to teach you," whispered the Emperor. "So much magic to show you. Did you know that magic happens on this planet?" He produced a flower and Aluko, spellbound, took it. --- END (10/?) ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Not all of the jokes are mine. I 'borrowed' one from Mai's wonderful sig. I also apologise for the cracks against Action Figures and Aluko. I do like them, really!