Well, that's part of your curse. The other part is being in this movie...
Directed By....Stephen Sommers
Written By.....Stephen Sommers
Well, what can I say about this movie that a gag reflex couldn't?
For starters, they changed the entire situation of Van Helsing...even changed his name. They call him "Gabriel Van Helsing" instead of good old "Abraham" like he used to be. And now, he's the Vatican's monster hunter and all that jazz. While these aren't movie breaking changes, its just the start of where Sommers decided to light up a crack pipe.
Okay...the plot. How to describe the plot... This is hard, as the plot was a tangled mass of crap. First, you got the Frankenstein's monster...who now was created by Dr. Victor Frankenstein....at the whim of Count Dracula? And then you have werewolves... Oh, and Dracula has three girlfriends. Van Helsing might be an angel. Wait, Dracula is the son of the devil? And... no, can't do it.
I guess it isn't that the movie lacks a plot, since it has about forty of them shoved into the movie. They don't make much sense. Most of them aren't even followed through on. They come up with some ideas that could be rather good, but they don't try to make them good ideas....they just go "LALALALALALALA, DUH, I JUST S*** MY PANTS!" instead. Okay, not literally, but that would be more entertaining.
The script was horrible. Horrible... They're running away from something...Dracula or a werewolf...maybe they were trying to get out of the movie...and the lead actress' character Anna starts on this strange monolouge about how she's never seen the sea. Apparently she never saw the script before she took the part either.
The CGI, which this movie seems to be built on, was horrid crap. utter utter s***. Seriously, people, if it had looked any more fake it would have been done with popsicle sticks. There were two good CGI shots through the whole film...and one of them was this strange cloud-Anna thing that made little sense. Oh, and it happened on a cliff that overlooks the sea... So apparently Anna didn't get out much or was just a stupid stupid b***h.
Kate Beckinsale stops talking with an accent halfway through the movie.
Roxburgh was the stupidest Dracula ever. And I've seen my little brother dressed as Dracula. The only time I saw worse acting was by Jeremey Irons in Dungeons and Dragons.
There was some good in the movie, David Wenham's Carl was rather entertaining at least. And Hugh Jackman used the crap he was given to play a rather convincing Van Helsing.
That said...
This movie was utter s***. Bad CGI, bad writing, mostly bad acting, bad accents, bad plots, bad bad bad. Usually I flush things like this movie.
Starfly's Movie Ranking: 2.3
