From zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk Tue May 20 21:24:44 1997

Subject: PLATONIC SEX (1/1) *NEW* by Nessie

From: <zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk>

--------



TITLE: Platonic Sex (1/1)

AUTHOR: Nessie

E-MAIL: zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, but keep Nessie as the author



CLASSIFICATION: V, RHA



RATING: R, for bad words and innuendoes.



SUMMARY: Is Chris Carter a 'shipper??



SPOILERS: Pusher, Paper Hearts, Momento Mori, Small Potatoes,

Gethsemane



CONTENT: Bad words and MSR- but hey.. nothing CC wouldn't write

<heh heh>



DISCLAIMER: Fox "I got a bii-iig crush on my partner" Mulder and

Dana "My partner has a hu-uge crush on me" Scully belong to Chris

"Hey.. *nobody* has a crush on *anybody*" Carter. CC, Vince "shipper"

Gilligan, John "goatsucker" Shiban, Darin "Eddie" Morgan, Frank "?"

Spotnitz, David "teacup" Duchovny and Gillian "YogiBear" Anderson all

belong to themselves. I think. Well.. maybe not John Shiban..

<no, I have *no* idea why everybody picks on poor John>





AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a little bit of fun with the XF writers and

actors. There are several references to statements made by some of

these in interviews. Simon Mayo isn't really a bastard. Of course the

ideas in this are about as out-there as The Truth..

I have to emphasise that no offence is intended towards any of the XF

writers or actors, or to any fanfic writer, story or genre at all.

And as for that ref. to myself, only kiddin'!!!

<g>

This was inspired by my *own* inability to write MSR!



Platonic Sex

By Nessie



####################################

Monday 19th May 11:21am

North Shore Studios, Vancouver



-----------------------------------------

MULDER: Scully I- <he is cut off>

SCULLY: Mulder I know what you're going to say.. about--

MULDER: About *us*...

SCULLY: And <lowers her voice to a whisper; speaks slowly> You -

don't - need - to... <her voice drifts>

MULDER: You mean...?? <eyes light up with hope>

SCULLY: Yes Mulder.. absolutely

<S takes one step towards him; it is all she needs to be pressed up

closely against him. Reaches upwards to run one hand through his

hair and gently pull his head down towards hers; M's eyes remain fixed

on her, filled with a mix of passion and anticipation, she focuses

seriously on him as their lips draw closer-

-----------------------------------------



CRASH!!

"Damnit! This isn't *working*!!"

Papers flew from the desk as a result of a fit of rage, and he thumped

one fist down on the surface, causing the laptop to vibrate; the small

model of the alien fetus that always stood on the desk threatening to

fall over the edge.



Chris Carter rose from the swivel chair in which he had been sitting,

and began to pace around the room, running one sweaty hand through

his greying hair. His athletic shoulders, hidden beneath a plain gray T-

shirt, were tense with the morning's effort.



Now the season was over, and they were well into the hiatus, he

should have been feeling relaxed. Well, relatively... of course, he

always had to be thinking about the *next* season, but there was more

this year. He had Millenium to be thinking about too.. and the movie.

Ohhh yes.. the movie- the date for commencement of filming was

drawing closer all the time, and that worried him.

Well.. at least we got David and Gillian to sign, he mused-

remembering all the doubt there had been as to whether or not the

movie would even happen... And the *damn* press.. He had been

*joking* about Jodie Foster and Richard Gere playing Mulder and

Scully.. trust them to pick up on that as a serious statement. He

chuckled at the thought.



Returning to the laptop, he gazed pensively at the screen. This *damn*

scene he was trying to write.. Just can't get it right, can you Carter???



He exited the word processor program and logged onto the internet

instead. He sat back in the chair, and folded his hands behind his head

as the modem screeched, and an icon flashed up on his screen.

24 messages.. hmm.. not bad.



He hadn't told anybody about his subscription to XFF. Hell, he wasn't

even meant to be doing this. He'd told the other writers and the actors,

that under *no* circumstances *what-so-ever* were they to read fanfic.

Legal reasons, of course. But here he was, The Boss.

Addicted.

Plain and simple.

For a start, there was the huge kick he got from the disclaimers..

Mine.. All mine!! He would often sit and cackle maniacally at the

statement alone. The stories gave him inspiration and insight into his

characters; and in a way, was a kind of feedback on the show.

Nobody on the list had any idea who he was.. Chris was a lurker; he

never wrote- well, he did enough of that at work, for god's sake, and

the anonymity in itself gave him immense satisfaction.



Scanning through the list of mail, he was pleased with what he saw.

Firstly, the inevitable episode feedback.. It had been the season finale

last night... Carter rubbed the palms of his hands together at the mere

thought of that oh-so-juicy little cliffhanger he'd left them on... haha!!

And what a kick he'd gotten upon reading the official fan forum all

week.. the speculations over the preview! Nearly as fun as Small

Potatoes had been..

One poor sod had decided to follow the lead of the episode title- she'd

even read the Gethsemane story in all four gospels of the Bible in

search of clues for the episode. And she even mentioned she was a

complete atheist! Ah, yes- this was what he liked to see. Get them

really thinking... And now, we're going to have four months of post-

finale stories.. should be interesting...



*I* might try that, he thought, grimacing as he remembered he had NO

IDEA of how to conclude this particular story-arc. How do you bring a

dead man back?

"You're-running-out-of-ways-to-do-it-Chris..." a female voice sang to

him.

Where did that come from?? He swiveled around quickly in his chair,

but the room was empty.

He was alone.



This is spooky, thought Chris, scribbling it down on a scrap of paper as

a possibility for episode 5X02.



Returning to his e-mail, he was pleased to see the name "Nessie"

appear in one of the titles. "We never really talk (1/1) by Nessie".. aha..

He clicked on this one straight away, with the thought of the *killer*

Scullylocks cliffhanger this author had left him on last week..

Ten minutes later, he sat back..

"Damnit, all those innuendoes, even a Potato title, and they DIDN'T

EVEN KISS" he moaned, failing totally to see the irony of the

statement.



Now... I can get onto the NC17 stuff- Ah yes! There were quite a few in

today's mail, he was pleased to note- as he clicked on the first one,

and scrolled down.. Mulder/Other.. He scanned the story quickly

before closing it down. The next, he was pleased to see, was MSR.

Mulder/Scully Romance. Ah.. yes.



He shot a furtive glance around the room. Nobody was there, and

everything was silent, he noted, but got up to close the door to his

office just in case anyone *was* around.

He couldn't risk being caught at this.

He shuddered at the thought.

Just imagine if this got out.. CC reads *'shipper fiction*??



He *enjoyed* these stories.. even though they made him immensely

jealous. Jealous that these writers had achieved something *he*

couldn't do.. that was, actually write a Mulder/Scully romance scene

without freezing up totally.

Imagine how that would have sounded. Chris Carter: he can write

about alien abduction, clones, anything paranormal.. and yet what he

*cannot* do is write a god-dam SEX SCENE.



So, right from the beginning, he'd tried to avoid it. When asked *why*

this couple of people with such an immense sexual chemistry between

them, had so far failed to hit the sheets, he had gone for the first

answer that first entered his head. He didn't remember his exact words

now, but it had been something like "It would detract from the focus of

the show. If you have them looking all googly-eyed at one another,

they won't be out there chasing aliens"

He laughed.

"Googly eyed", he muttered under his low chuckle, shaking his head.

And so the lie had grown. He'd stuck with it, constantly endeavouring

to write this sex scene he wanted so badly to happen between his two

characters. And nobody had any idea that this was what he wanted.

He'd kept coming up with new reasons for his apparent cause, not

really meaning a word of it. The truth was, he found it difficult to go

back on his word. And people had grown to actually *like* this idea of a

platonic relationship between Mulder and Scully. He couldn't

understand it at all.



Then Vince Gilligan had come along. And after seeing what this guy

did with Pusher.. Wow, thought Chris. Maybe I can confide in him...

He remembered a short conversation between the two of them early in

season 4, in Chris' office.



***************************************



"Vince.. I've scheduled you to write episode ten.. that okay with you"

"Sure thing, any particular requests"

Chris had hesitated at this point. He blushed slightly, and walked

acoss his office to close the door. Vince just watched him, not saying a

word. Chris touched him lightly on the arm and gestured to him to sit at

the chair in front of the desk. Chris sat nervously on his own chair

behind the desk, and began.

"I- uh- for this episode- um- er-" he faltered.

Vince raised his eyebrows at the other man.

"Can you put in some- erm- Mulder and Scully- well, y'know.. touchy-

feely stuff?" Chris finally came out with it, his eyes fixed on the papers

on the desk in front of him, unable to meet Vince's gaze.

The other man smiled and nodded.

"Any *particular*- um- touchy-feely stuff?" He found it hard not to

snicker at the way Chris had phrased it, but managed to control

himself.

Chris shuffled in his seat. Boy was it hot in here!

"Not too touchy or too- um- feely.. maybe a little- uh- hug" he

mumbled.

"A what? Sorry Chris I didn't quite catch that" Vince was enjoying this.

"A hug" he repeated, barely louder than before

"Sorry Chris, you'll have to speak louder; I'm a little deaf " He was

smirking from ear to ear now.

"I said A HUG!!!" Chris bellowed.



Somewhere outside the office, close by, Gillian Anderson overheard

Chris Carter shouting these words, and smiled slyly up at David

Duchovny, who was by her side.

They understood.



"Okay, okay- Chris, you don't have to shout.. Hang about, if I'm right

then they *hugged* in episode nine.."

"Yeah.." God, this is soooo embarrassing, thought Chris.

"Hey, you wrote that didn't you!"

"*With* Frank Spotnitz.. and he wrote that courtroom stuff" Chris said

pointedly, finally raising his eyes to the other man, with a look that said

"don't you *dare* ask any more questions", making it quite clear who

was the boss, although Vince could clearly see Chris' embarrassment.

He told Chris that he'd think about the episode, and they'd talk later,

before exiting the office. A smirk was to be seen on his face.

Ah.. just wait till John Shiban hears this..



"What a doof!" Chris muttered to himself scornfully as Vince's

footsteps faded down the corridor.



*****************************************



Oh cringgggggge.. thought Chris, drifting back to the present. But, to

be fair, Vince had given him more than he had *ever* asked for. It

seemed that he was trying to make up for embarrassing the boss over

the Paper Hearts incident, and he had certainly succeeded.

Vince had given him *that* scene in Momento Mori.. oh wow, thought

Chris, as memories flooded back. And then you had to muck that one

up as well, DIDN'T YOU...



*****************************************



Mulder and Scully held each other in the hospital corridor; her arms

encircling his waist, her head neatly tucked under his chin

<ah.. don't they fit nicely together> thought Chris

Tears stained her cheeks as she breathed gently against his chest.

"The truth will save you Scully.. I think it'll save both of us" he

whispered into her hair, and then slowly bent his head to whisper

something inaudible to her

<what that was, only David and Gillian know..>

Her face contorted with pain- or was it emotion?- before he pulled her

head gently backward and touched his lips to her forehead. She

closed her eyes, and the contact was prolonged.

<ohhh... this scene is going so *well*..>

After several seconds, he pulled away, and held her head, gazing

deeply into her eyes. She returned the gaze, and it was several

seconds before he lowered his head again and gently touched his lips

to hers.

Alarm bells went off in Chris' head at this point. He panicked... Of

course he wanted this, but *what* would people think? He couldn't be

seen to allow this.. not yet- people would have to know that Vince

wrote it and then he'd be exposed- oh god!

The kiss had only been brief, so by the time Chris had reacted to it,

their lips had already parted. Nevertheless, he cried out "Cut!" and

stormed on set, addressing the two actors.

"David. Gillian. In my office.. now!"



Gillian looked up at David before they entered the office, just ahead of

Chris. He merely raised his eyebrows and shrugged at her, before they

walked in, Gillian leading. Walking up to the desk, she saw that the

laptop was on.

"Hey Chris, is this a new-" She was cut off

"Leave that alone!" Chris snapped at her. Shit, he'd forgotten to exit

the god-damn fanfic.. how the hell could he be so careless? He hoped

Gillian hadn't seen anything.



After a severe telling-off from Chris Carter.. oh, the old Moonlighting

story she'd heard from him time and time again and was wearing a

*little* thin.. Gillian left the office with David, a smirk beginning to

cross

her face.

"What?" David asked her, puzzled. She just smiled secretively.

"Gillian.. you're up to something aren't you.."

"I got a secret.." she chanted quietly, before prancing off down the

corridor. David shook his head.

Sometimes he *really* worried for the sanity of his co-star.



**************************************



Yeah, Chris.. you messed that up alright. So it really seemed like they

were starting to tease him when Vince approached him with 'Small

Potatoes'.

"What sort of an episode title is SMALL POTATOES???" he snapped

at Vince; it had been a hard day, and he just wasn't in the mood for

stuff like that. Sounded like something Darin Morgan would write.. He

made a note to change the title to something long and indecipherable.

At least translate it into Navajo, that'd be a start..



But scanning the script, he found he liked it.. at times, he threw his

head back and just laughed

"Even educated MD's.. oh god.." He doubled up in his chair, clutching

his stomach and groaning with laughter. This was even funnier than

some of that humour fanfic.. ah, jeez.. Sidesplitting!

Continuing through the script, a little seed of suspicion began to grow

in his mind as the plotline unfolded, and he continued to laugh himself

stupid over the in-jokes.

"ONE GOODLOOKING MAN!!! HAHAHA!! David's gonna love that!"

he almost screamed with laughter.. he stopped suddenly and prayed

that nobody was nearby, or if they were, that they wouldn't think he

was a *complete* lunatic.

His suspicions were confirmed. His eyes continually grew wider and

wider as the Eddie/Scully scene unfolded.

"Romantic music???" He almost choked on his coffee.

Vince.. what *have* you done??



Finally, he finished the script. He placed it on the desk in front of him,

and sat back contemplatively. He liked it. Well.. a little of a let-down as

far as the last scene was concerned.. but would he tell anyone that

was what he thought? Heck, no!

He made a mental note to ask Vince if Darin had helped him at all on

that one.



*************************************



Yeah.. good old Vince. I wish *I* could write something like that.. well-

I'd like to push back even more boundaries than that but..

He sighed. A good surf was what needed.

Not the sort of surf most people would have expected from Chris

Carter though.. He logged back onto the internet, and brought up his

list of favourite websites. He picked one and waited for the server to be

contacted. He watched as the large letters appeared on the screen

"The Institute for Relationshippers"

Chris smiled.



Ah.. that felt good! A couple of hours online.. I feel inspired now!,

thought Chris, as he opened up his Microsoft Write, and began typing.



--------------------------------------------------

MULDER: We never really- um- talk much, do we Scully?

SCULLY: <a wary look flashes through her eyes> Um- no.. no Mulder,

we don't

MULDER: <eagerly> Then let's talk!

SCULLY: What about Mulder? UFO's? Alien implants?

MULDER: I'm hurt

SCULLY: Well, that's all you ever talk about isn't it..

MULDER: Is it?

SCULLY: Then what?

MULDER: Us.

SCULLY: Is there an us?

MULDER: If you want there to be..

-----------------------------------------------------



Two words sprung to Chris Carter's mind at this stage:

                             SOAP OPERA.

WHY can't I do this, for christ's sake?? Look at all this other stuff I

write.. Why can't I be more like Vince???

A tear rolled down Chris' cheek.



The office door opened. He leaped up from his seat, and hastily wiped

the teardrop from his face.

"Gillian.. what are you doing here? I thought you were in England.."

"No, I got back last night, and I just thought I'd pop by and see how

you're doing here!"

"How did you know I was here?"

"I just knew", Gillian replied slyly, peering over his shoulder at the

computer monitor. A wicked smile spread over her face.

Chris looked up at her, and when he saw the smile, he quickly shut

down the laptop, breathing heavily as he held it closed.

Gillian nodded knowingly and stood up.

"What?" he snapped at her.

"A-aaaahhh.." was all she said, her voice highpitched, and her

eyebrows raised, knowing exactly what he was up to and that he was

too embarrassed to admit it.

Before she left the room, she bent over his shoulder and whispered

softly in his ear,

"Half an hour's foreplay Chris.. followed by.. handcuffs.. and..

chandeliers.."

Her voice drifted slowly, and it reminded Chris of that sexy single she'd

recorded.

Before he had a chance to respond, she'd closed the door behind her.



In the corridor outside the office, Gillian Anderson's laugh could be

heard loud and clear. "U-HUH-HUH-HUH" Further down, a head

turned at the sound, and Gillian recalled that *bastard* of a British DJ

who said last week that she laughed like Yogi Bear.



All of a sudden, Chris felt *very* turned on. He started to think about

Gillian's single, Extremis, and- ooh.. that accompanying video... He

reached for another scrap of paper and made a note to somehow

incorporate the video into episode 5X03...

Maybe that'll be *the* episode..



He sat back and thought about this for a while- Gillian had certainly

inspired him; maybe slowly wasn't the right way to go about it.. Slowly

had been the way for four years now; maybe it was time to change the

pace. Maybe.. if I dive straight in..



-----------------------------------------------

SCULLY: Mulder... <her hand are entwined in his hair>

MULDER: Not Mulder. *Fox*... <running his mouth up and down her

neck>

SCULLY: Fox... Oh god.. FOX.... <closing her eyes and losing herself

to the sensation>

-----------------------------------------------



NO! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! He jumped up, much as he had done before.

He slammed the laptop shut angrily, and stood behind his desk, hands

on hips, breathing heavily.



"What??" he demanded as the door opened without warning. "Didn't

anyone ever teach you to *knock*??"



It was Vince.



Chris was somehow calmed by his presence. Vince stood in the

doorway, and all the ill feelings that had existed between him and

Chris, dissolved as Chris realised that his troubles were over.



"You need my help, Chris?"



######################################



THE END!!!



Okay, I've never written anything like this before, so I'd love loads of

feedback. You could probably nitpick this story all day- I know there's

stuff that's probably wrong.. but I'd like to know what you guys thought

of it.

You can always talk to the Loch Ness Monster <G> at

zcapr59@ucl.ac.uk



Oh, if you're wondering about the title.. I was *real* bored and having

some very stupid XF thoughts.. these two words "Platonic Sex" just

flew together in my head and looked rather funny together, yet

reminded me of Mulder and Scully and well... y'know..



Nessie       

           :D

           ||

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:

"So now you know.. Gillian Anderson laughs like

Yogi Bear! U-HUH-HUH-HUH!"

<Simon Mayo, Radio 1>

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I think Mulder and Scully are about as intimate as

two people can get without- um- <pause>- becoming

more intimate??!!" <laughs>

<Gillian Anderson, GMTV interview>

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::